Secrets
by SD130413
Summary: Olivia has a secret, a big one. When Don Cragen invades her privacy and finds out what she's been hiding she makes a promise to herself that she has to make sure the rest of the secret stays a secret. what happens when the truth comes out?
1. Chapter 1

**I know I know Steffie Dawn has yet another new story, I tried to resist writing it but the idea just kept going round and around in my head driving me absolutely barmy so here it is guys my latest E/O story.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

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Olivia arrived at the 16th precinct earlier than usual. She hadn't had the best night's sleep and had gotten bored of sitting around her apartment moping. It just wasn't like her to do nothing so she'd decided to get washed and dressed and come into work.

Captain Don Cragen was working on some files by his desk, he preferred finishing early and coming in early preferring those three hours before his lead detectives arrived and the day began properly. He saw the lamp on Olivia's desk flick on and he couldn't help but go over to the window of his office and peer at his female detective through the blind. She hadn't been herself lately. Actually she hadn't been herself in weeks and he wasn't the only one to have noticed it but he didn't like getting involved in his staff's privet lives and after she'd snapped at him eight weeks ago when he'd asked he hadn't mentioned it since, he just could hope that whatever it was she'd be able to sort it out soon, he missed the real Olivia Benson.

She typed away steadily hoping that the nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach would pass soon. She was tired and pissed and she couldn't really concentrate as she took another hearty sip of her coffee hoping it would give her the kick she needed to get on with her day. As she turned back to her computer the nauseated feeling she had turned into a giant wave and she knew she wouldn't make it to the ladies room so she ran over to the sink in the corner by the coffee pot and brought up her entire stomach contents.

Cragen heard the noise and rushed into the bullpen. At first he was stunned into complete silence seeing Olivia bent over the sink a combination of dry heaves and actual vomiting.

"Liv?" He managed to whisper eventually but she didn't hear him as she closed her eyes hoping for this to pass soon.

"Olivia!" He called louder.

"What?" She grumbled trying to stop the heave that eventually came through.

"What are you doing here? You're sick, go home."

"I'm fine Cap, just hold on." She whispered back as she rinsed the sink, the nausea had finally passed and she knew she would just perk up in a few minutes, she'd been the same for the past ten days.

"Olivia, please? You're no good to me when you're sick." Cragen knew she was stubborn but the truth was that he couldn't have her going out in to the field with a stomach bug or whatever it was causing her to be bent in half over the sink.

"Cap, honestly, I'm fine, it's passed now." She explained as she filled her rinsed coffee mug with water and sipped at it slowly.

"Liv, talk to me? Please?" Cragen suggested as she went back to her desk.

"What's there to talk about?" She shrugged not wanting to let on that anything was wrong or different with her.

"You've not been yourself in months Olivia, you and Elliot are fighting a lot more than you used to and these days you seemed to be starting more of them which is unlike you." Cragen explained taking the seat beside her desk and trying to get her to open up to him.

"I know." She whispered trying to blink back the tears that were verging on spilling down her face. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise to me Liv, just talk to me, tell me what's going on so I can help you." He replied, she was like a daughter to him, it hurt him to see her looking so hurt, she even looked vulnerable this morning, a word he had never used to describe Detective Olivia Benson.

"There's nothing to talk about." She replied trying desperately to hold back the tears threatening to fall.

"Ok, I trust you'll come to me if there is something to talk about?" Even though it sounded like a question it was more of a demand, he just didn't want to push Olivia.

"You know I will." She whispered taking his hand from his lap and giving it a little squeeze. "Oh my ..."

Olivia managed to make it to the sink just before she vomited again. Cragen sighed, he'd never seen Olivia sick before, she rarely took a day off and it was strange to see her like this, it genuinely made him uncomfortable.

"Olivia please take a personal day and get better." Cragen was almost begging.

"I'm fine, you may not want to listen ..." She had to stop to dry heave and take a deep breath. "you may not want to listen or believe me Cap but this will pass, I'll be fine after ..." Once again she had to stop and it annoyed her that she couldn't even get a simple statement out without her body tensing up and her throat choked. "I'll be fine after this time."

"How do you know that Olivia?" He asked thinking she was just being silly.

"Because this has been going on for days." She replied closing her eyes not wanting to see his reaction.

"Olivia you're taking a personal day and going to see a doctor." He replied firmly.

"I don't need to, please Captain, you said that you trusted me to come talk to you if there was something right?" She didn't look at him as she spoke once again clearing out the mess she'd made in the sink.

"I did."

"Then trust me that I wasn't lying to you when I said I would." She replied. "When I know everything for sure and when I am ready I'll come and talk to you." Olivia explained as she washed her hands and made a glass of water.

"Ok, I trust you Olivia." He replied before turning on his heels and heading to his office wondering what it was that was making Olivia be sick, and appear so vulnerable, it was obvious she knew or suspected at the least.

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After talking to Cragen Olivia had taken some time to herself to get some breakfast and call in to see a friend, she and Elliot had then spent the morning chasing a suspect and bring him into interrogation. They'd tag teamed the perp for three hours before he'd asked for a lawyer and Olivia and Elliot were both steaming with fury.

"You couldn't wait could you?" Elliot hissed marching past her and towards the bullpen.

"What?" Olivia yelled rushing after him. "I couldn't wait for what Elliot?"

"You just had to ask him directly if he'd done it after we'd agreed not to!" He replied the anger etched into his voice.

"Whatever you've got to say to me Elliot say it don't hold back!" She yelled.

"Fine! You're off your game Olivia! You have been for weeks whatever this is that's going on with you, you really need to get over it."

"Whatever's wrong with me? You're the one who's been a complete arrogant ass ever since ..."

"Benson! Stabler!" Cragen called coming out of his office visibly angry with his detectives who were fighting in a crowded squad room for the third time in two days.

"What?" Elliot yelled turning to face his captain.

"Stabler go and cool down, the cribs, the gym anywhere, Olivia Melinda called and told you to call her as soon as you could."

Elliot had marched off so he didn't see Olivia's face drop and turn a sickening shade of white, Cragen saw it though, she couldn't have hidden it from him if she'd tried.

"Use my office Olivia." He whispered and she managed to nod before rushing off in the direction of her superior's office.

Her hand shook as she picked up the office phone and dial the familiar number for the ME's office. She closed her eyes as she listened to the ringing phone and she failed to notice Don Cragen stood in the door way as her back was too him. He didn't like snooping, he was tempted to walk away and not listen in to what would probably be a very personal and privet conversation but he had seriously had enough of his two best detectives being at each other's throats and he knew Olivia wouldn't tell him what was really wrong with her so this was the only way he was going to find out, or he hoped he would.

Melinda answered the phone on the fourth ring and she knew straight away who it was.

"Hey Mel." Olivia's voice was a mere whisper with a violent tremor.

_Hey Liv how are you?_

"At my wits end, do you have the results?" She didn't want this to be a friendly chat.

_I do, do you want to come down. _

"No Mel just tell me what it says." Olivia was almost pleading, Don Cragen was surprised to hear that tone of voice from Olivia, she'd never sounded so desperate before. "Was it positive or is there something else seriously wrong with me?"

Cragen listened intently, his heart hammered in his chest and he was now quite sure he knew what Olivia was talking about with her friend who happened to be a doctor.

_Liv it was positive, you're pregnant._

"Shit!" Olivia cupped her forehead in her free hand, she knew she was, she'd known for a while and she knew she wouldn't be able to hide it much longer from the people she worked with.

_You want to tell me who the father is?_

"No not yet Melinda, please don't ask me again." Olivia whispered the tears silently falling down her cheeks.

_Just don't keep it from him too long Livia, you don't know how he'll react but he deserves to know._

"I know, I will tell him, soon just need to deal with this myself first Mel."

_Don't take this the wrong way Liv but do you even know if you're a hundred percent certain who the father is?_

"Yes. I am one hundred percent sure Mel, there is no way possible that it's anyone else's. Just don't tell anyone Mel, don't mention it in front of anyone please not till I've decided what I'm going to do ... shit this is such a mess!"

His heart hammered inside his chest even harder, if he wasn't sure he was right before, he was sure now, his detective was pregnant, Olivia Benson was pregnant yet she hadn't mentioned anything about dating anyone in while and she hadn't had any of the 'in love' symptoms he'd thought she'd have when she would finally fall in love, if anything, she'd been an insufferable hag to work with and now he knew why, she would be having a baby. He'd always expected this news to be a joyous occasion for Olivia, he knew she wanted to be a mother so hearing her being so unhappy about it made him wonder what on earth had Olivia done and why was she in such a mess as she had put it herself.

_Olivia you know I would never betray your trust, you're one of my best friends, I'm here if you need me ok my love?_

"I know, thanks Mel, for everything." Olivia replied trying not to burst out in sobs.

_You're welcome Liv, just go see your OB soon ok? Love you Hon._

"Love you too Mel see you later, bye."

Olivia slammed the phone down and managed to clasp her hands to her face before breaking out into the wracked sobs she'd been so desperate to stop. Cragen couldn't stand it anymore and closed the office door making her jump and try and wipe her tears.

"Liv?" He whispered placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I'm fine." She replied trying to dry her tears.

"Livia, I was ..."

"I know." She replied, he didn't really think she was dumb enough not to notice him eavesdropping on her conversation.

"Sit down." He sighed showing her to one of the empty chairs in front of the desk before going and taking his own opposite her.

"I'm sorry." She whispered as she wiped away the silent tears she just couldn't stop dripping down her cheeks.

"Don't apologise but you should start talking." He replied.

"What are you expecting me to say Cap'n?" She asked not in the mood to get into an argument with him but at the moment she couldn't tell him the truth, yet she couldn't bear to lie to him either.

"Who's the father Liv?"

"That doesn't concern you." Olivia snapped, she couldn't lie to him but she knew she would have to if he continued to ask.

"How far along are you?" He continued to question her almost as if he was interrogating her.

"I don't know exactly but my guess is fourteen weeks." She sighed and closed her eyes so she wouldn't see the look of disappointment in Cragen's eyes, he was like a father to her and she didn't want to see him look at her in that way.

"Jesus Livia? Fourteen weeks?"

"You'd be surprised what a good sweater can hide." She replied placing her hand on her tiny bump which as Cragen looked became suddenly obvious.

"Why did it take you this long to find out for certain?" He asked his voice changing a little.

"I knew for certain! I just didn't, I couldn't face it." She explained the anger returning. "I knew weeks ago Captain it was fairly obvious and when the morning sickness hit and the bump appeared I knew I had been right all along but I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't having some nightmare and imagining all the symptoms and that's why I asked Melinda to run the pregnancy test."

"Who's the father Olivia?"

"Jesus Christ! I thought you had a little more respect for me than that!" Olivia yelled getting to her feet and Cragen jumped to his. "I don't know why you think it's ok to interrogate me but here's a news flash for you Cap, I'm a cop not a perp, those tactics won't work on me!"

She turned on her heels and went to march for the door but as soon as her hand grasped the handle Cragen's voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Sit back down. Now!" He yelled shocking Olivia to freeze.

It took her a moment to see if he was serious and when she realised he was she made her way back to the seat she'd been occupying and sat down, suddenly feeling a ten year old who'd been sent to the principal's office.

"Now, you're suspended, three days paid so I don't have to mark it in your jacket ..."

"What? Why? For not telling you I might have been pregnant?" Olivia gasped in complete and utter shock.

"No for that argument with Elliot." He replied.

Olivia's jaw clamped shut, she wanted to continue yelling, telling him that he was only suspending her to try and get her to tell him who the father of her unborn child was but it wasn't going to work, she wasn't going to give in to his threats.

"Then you're on desk duty until you return from Maternity."

"No way!" She yelled making Cragen's eyes widen in surprise. "NYPD Guidelines specifically state that a cop can stay on active field duty until 7 months and then one month behind a desk."

"Unless the detective in question's pregnancy is deemed high risk." Cragen replied clasping his hands on the desk.

"High risk? High fucking risk? Captain I'm probably fourteen weeks pregnant, I'm already out of the first trimester, and in the past fourteen weeks I've been shot at, punched, kicked and almost stabbed and you're deciding that my pregnancy is high risk." She stood up and leant on the desk her eyes showing how furious she was. "When did you gain a medical degree?"

"Don't you dare..."

"You know talk to me in three days, I'm suspended." And with that she walked out into the bustling bullpen leaving her superior in complete and utter shock at her behaviour, he'd never seen her like this and this Olivia Benson scared the living shit out of him.

"Liv?" Elliot asked seeing her grabbing her coat and draping it over her arm.

"Baby Girl where ya going?" Fin asked as she proceeded to grab some files.

"Ask him!" She spat nodding her head towards Cragen who'd emerged from his office and watched Olivia march away.

"Cap?" Elliot asked turning to his superior the shock written all over his face.

"Detective Benson is suspended." Cragen replied before turning to go back to his office only to be stopped by Elliot.

"What? Why?" He asked.

"For the little show the two of you created." Cragen replied shrugging.

"Wait you can't suspend her without suspending me too, that argument was as much my fault as it was hers." Elliot replied in surprise, it was normally his ass that got canned.

Cragen sighed, he hadn't thought of that when he decided to suspend Olivia and there was only one thing he could do to mend it.

"I know, I was about to ask you to step into my office." Cragen replied trying to hide how defeated he felt.

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**So what do you think? I've kinda got the urge to carry this on right now so that's what I'm gonna do will upload as soon as it's done k because this is the story going through my mind right now, I will update the others as soon as an idea pops into my head about what to write for them! **


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

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Don Cragen nervously chewed at the red liquorish wand, it was his weakness, the only thing he could do bar have alcohol to calm his nerves and he hadn't had a drink in years, he certainly wasn't going to start now.

"What's on your mind Don?" George Huang asked knowing that the Captain was struggling with something.

"I don't need a shrink." Cragen snapped before beginning to chew at a second piece of candy.

"Ok so why did you ask me down here?" Huang asked.

"I need a favour." Don sighed looking up at the faithful Doctor that was as much of a friend to him as he was a colleague.

"Go on." Huang nodded, he'd do whatever he could to help the man, other than break the law for him.

"I need you to give Olivia a little home visit." He replied knowing it was a lot to ask and could lead to a very angry pregnant detective but he knew she needed her head shrinking and fast.

"Why?" Huang frowned, he didn't like where this was going.

"She's ... She's pregnant George, and she refuses to tell me who the father is and I don't think she has any plans on telling anyone who he is." Cragen sighed, he didn't like the fact he was telling Huang when Olivia had asked Melinda to keep it to herself but he was desperate.

"That's not our place to intervene." Huang sighed, he would do anything to help Olivia, she was a close friend but he didn't want to interrupt her privet life without good reason.

"She's not coping with the pregnancy, she'd fourteen weeks along and I only found out this morning, she says she's known for a while yet she didn't get Melinda to do a test till today and I only found out because I overheard her on the phone." Cragen snapped. "Please George, I'm worried sick about her."

"I'll go see her but I can tell you that she isn't going to be too happy about this."

"I know, if it blows up in my face then it blows up in my face but I need to know that she's alright." Cragen explained.

"I'll pop by and see her but I can't promise she'll be open with me."

"Thank you." Cragen replied feeling very grateful that Huang trusted his judgement.

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Olivia managed to get an appointment at her OBGYN that afternoon, she'd called from the car in the precinct and they had told her to go straight there because they'd just had a cancelation. She was now sat in the waiting room looking around at the couples all happy talking about their unborn children.

She felt sick knowing she couldn't have that, there was no way she could have what these couples had, the father of her child was ... unavailable, and he wouldn't want anything to do with her or the child when he found out, of that, she was certain.

The waiting room had posters all over the walls, the foetus at conception all the way through to birth. She fixed upon the fourteenth week and began to read the information on it silently in her head, she almost missed her name being called.

"Olivia Benson!"

"That's me." She replied with a gentle sigh as she got to her feet.

"Hi I'm Doctor Louisa Mitchell." The doctor smiled showing her into the examination room. "So your medical examiner tested you am I right?"

"Yeah." Olivia nodded.

"And you suspect you're fourteen weeks along?"

"Yup." Olivia replied just wanting to get this over with.

"Ok well hop up on the table and roll up your top and we'll see how this baby is doing." Doctor Mitchell replied with a happy smile trying to comfort Olivia but it didn't do a thing to help.

Olivia did as she was told and took a deep breath hoping this process would be quick and painless.

"Ok this will be a little cold." Doctor Mitchell smiled.

Olivia jumped a little as the cold gel hit her stomach but as the pad was rolled over her stomach she relaxed a little.

"Ok here we are." Doctor Mitchell smiled turning the monitor around to face Olivia. "That is your baby's heart beat, there's the head, there's an arm just there."

She swallowed hard. That was her baby. The tears stung her eyes and slowly trickled down her cheek, she was deaf to what the doctor was saying as she watched the little baby move on the screen, her little baby who she realised she loved so much already despite how he or she had been conceived.

"...ok?"

"Uh yeah." Olivia replied as the screen was turned off and she was handed some blue roll to clean her stomach, she hadn't heard a word of what the doctor had said.

"Right here are four copies of the ultrasound for you to give to any loved ones, your parents or the baby's father or whoever." She smiled handing four pictures and four tiny little wallets for them.

"Thank you." Olivia smiled.

"And here's a prescription for prenatal vitamins, then a small folder on things that you could do before the birth to prepare and then make an appointment to see me again in two weeks time."

"Thank you again." Olivia smiled before heading out the door, she couldn't breathe in the exam room.

As she waited to make another appointment she slowly placed all the ultrasound pictures into the little wallets and then opened one to stare at, it was her little baby and she was in love with it.

Once an appointment was made she slowly made her way out into the car park, one hand holding the ultrasound picture, the other subconsciously rubbing her tiny bump.

"Olivia?"

Olivia froze and quickly dropped her hands trying with all her might to hide what she had in her hand by slowly slipping it into her purse.

"Hey guys what are you doing here?" She smiled seeing her co-workers.

"The Morales case." Fin replied gruffly, he hadn't missed anything even if Munch had.

"Right of course." Olivia nodded trying not to look so flustered.

"What are you doing here?" Munch asked and Olivia's heart almost stood still.

"Uh Munch it's an OBGYN what do you think I'm doing here? I was having a PAP done."

"Ok really Liv I could have done without knowing that." Munch sighed.

"Well you asked!" Olivia chuckled thanking God he bought her excuse even if Fin didn't look as convinced. "Anyway I have to go, got some things to do with being suspended and all."

"Ok well if we don't see you before we'll see you Monday." Munch smiled.

"Yeah see you Monday." Olivia called back as she had already walked towards her car, that had been a close call and one she didn't want to relive.

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George Huang had been let into the apartment block by another tenant, he knocked on Olivia's door but wasn't surprised that there wasn't an answer. He stood there, debating whether or not to call Don Cragen or just come back later when Olivia came out of the elevator.

"George?" she sighed as he gave her a gentle reassuring smile. "Ask me nothing till I've changed and made us both a hot drink." She warned as she unlocked the front door feeling particularly grateful that she'd had the urge to clean at three this morning.

"I'll make the drinks if you want to change." George suggested, it wasn't like he hadn't been in Olivia's apartment before.

"Uh yeah sure." Olivia nodded dumping her purse, gun, shield and handcuffs on the worktop and pulling out the ultrasound picture before disappearing into the bedroom.

Huang sighed as he prepared them both a drink. Olivia was his friend, patient, co-worker rolled into one and that made their relationship confusing, frustrating almost and definitely complex. He could read her sometimes, like an open book. Other times he had no idea where to begin trying to work out what was going on with her and this was definitely one of those times, he knew she was pregnant but he didn't know what the big secret she was hiding, and somehow, he was certain he wasn't going to know for a very long time.

He carried the drinks into the living room and placed the mugs down on the coffee table just in time for Olivia to emerge from the bedroom in a pair of baggy sweats and a large NYPD t-shirt which Huang knew belonged to either Elliot or Fin, she always nicked their shirts to sleep in the cribs with.

"Thanks." She smiled taking the steaming mug into her hands and making herself comfortable on the couch as he sat down in the arm chair on a forty five degree angle to her. "Ok so what's with the house call? Cragen sent you right?" She wanted to be sure, George had visited her when she was on sick just as a friend, and after she had been shot and stabbed too, so a house call wasn't all that uncommon.

"Yeah he did." Huang nodded gently trying to monitor her for some flicker of emotion, some reaction, but he didn't get it.

"So he told you." Olivia sighed and Huang got his emotion, her face told him that she was relieved even though her voice said she was frustrated, Huang knew she was feeling both.

"He did, wanna talk about it?" He asked as she played with the tea bag in her mug.

"No but I will." She sighed. "I know Cragen suspended my ass to give me time to think, Elliot and I have had worse arguments than that."

"He suspended Elliot too." Huang informed her and her head snapped up, her eyes met his.

"What? Why?"

"Same reason as you, guess it's because Elliot asked him why you were suspended and told Don he was as much to blame as you and so Don had no choice but to suspend him too."

"Shit." Olivia sighed.

"So how about we talk about your pregnancy?" Huang suggested.

"What's there to talk about? I've got a bun in the oven, it's been there for fourteen weeks." Olivia sighed, she didn't like making it out to be no big deal, because this was a big deal, she had a baby growing inside her, a baby that was going to be completely dependent on her for eighteen years.

"How do you feel about it?" Huang asked getting straight to the point.

"You know, I was terrified, still am a little but ..." She reached into the pocket of her sweats and passed Huang the ultrasound picture. "but when I saw that, I knew this was the best thing that could have ever happened."

"Are you going to tell the father?" Huang asked passing the picture back to her.

"I don't know yet, I probably will have too." She sighed, right now that was the last thing she wanted to think about.

"He has a right to know Liv." Huang whispered.

"I know he has, doesn't mean I have to like it. The truth is George he has his own family, he isn't going to want this child to exist, he won't want to be a part of our child's life and guess what? I'm ok with that. I am looking forward to being a Mom, yes it isn't happening the way I wanted it too, I don't have a man waiting hand and foot on me and this is probably going to be a nightmare for the first few weeks trying to handle being a single parent with my job but I'll manage, I always do somehow." Olivia explained out loud what she'd been thinking since she'd figured out she was pregnant.

"He has his own family?" Huang replied and Olivia bit down on her bottom lip she'd said too much and now it was going to bite her hard.

"Yeah." She nodded and sighed, she didn't want anyone to know that.

"Oh so is he married?" Huang asked just to clarify.

"Yes he is and he has children, that's the point." She explained hoping she hadn't given too much away.

"Don't you think his wife deserves to know that he cheated on her Olivia? Or his kids know that they're going to have a baby brother or sister?"

"Maybe they would and maybe she does but I can't do that to them, I don't want to be the 'other' woman, I can't George. If it wasn't that I've been desperate to be a Mom for so long I would have had an abortion just to save all the heartbreak." Olivia replied, tears twinkling in her eyes.

"You considered abortion?"

She just nodded in reply knowing that if she spoke out loud her voice would crack and the tears would fall.

"Why?"

"Huh?" Olivia let her eyes meet his as she questioned him.

"Why did you consider abortion?"

"Why wouldn't I? I'm a sex crimes cop with no one to help me, I was turned down by an adoption agency George, I'm not good enough to be a parent." She sniffed trying desperately not to cry, she'd done enough crying over all of this.

"Olivia, one thing I know is that you're going to make an amazing parent, it doesn't matter that you weren't good enough to adopt in the eyes of an agency, I know you, and this baby is going to want for nothing, of that I am certain." Huang explained, and Olivia knew he was talking like a friend for a moment and not a shrink.

"Thanks George." Olivia replied feeling a little bit of the tension ease up.

"Are you at all looking forward to this?" He asked seriously.

"Of course, I'm excited and terrified at the exact same time, I didn't even know a person could feel those two emotions at the same time but I guess it's like one big adrenaline rush." Olivia smiled gently as she subconsciously rubbed her stomach.

"I guess it is, a bit like a rollercoaster ride huh?"

"Definitely."

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**There it is chapter 2 and 3 is on its way of course!**


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

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The three days Olivia was suspended for had been consumed by her going baby shopping, she'd decorated the second bedroom of her apartment a pale yellow and placed large jungle stickers of palm trees and different animals around the room. She'd also ordered a crib, changer, rocking chair, wardrobe, chest of drawers and shelves in white wood and spent hundreds of dollars on clothing, diapers, bottles and pacifiers, even though she was only nearing the fifteen week mark, she was nearly ready for Benson junior to be born.

It was finally Monday morning and Olivia was apprehensive about going back to work, she still needed to tell her co-workers that she was pregnant which alone wasn't going to be easy, as well as persuade Cragen not to make her be on desk duty until she took maternity leave.

She dug through her wardrobe trying to choose something to wear that would hide her ever growing abdomen.

"Seems like Momma isn't going to be able to keep you a secret much longer rookie." Olivia moaned as she pulled on yet another sweater that showed that she was pregnant.

"Maybe the Detectives Momma works with will be too stupid to notice, or just think Momma's getting fat." Olivia chuckled as she finally settled for the blue sweater that still did nothing to hide her bump.

As she pulled on her belt that would hold her badge, gun and handcuffs she realised she had to wear it much looser than normal, she sighed heavily, she wasn't quite sure if she was ready to tell her co-workers the truth, telling Cragen hadn't been easy, but she hadn't actually told him as he'd eavesdropped on her phone call. Then he'd told George Huang so she hadn't really told him either. Knowing it would be easier if she told her best friends she quickly picked up her phone and sent a text message planning a girls lunch.

_TO: Alex, Casey, Melinda_

_Message: Hey guys, really need to speak with you, can we do lunch at 1 usual place? Xx_

She continued to pull her long brown locks back into a simple ponytail as she waited for the replies, and they came, one right after the other.

_FROM: Alex_

_Message: Sure think Livia, guessing it's important xx_

_FROM: Casey_

_Message: Course, see u at 1 xx_

_FROM: Melinda_

_Message: I think I know why, want me to act surprised when u tell the other 2? Xx_

She smiled at Melinda's reply, she had been friends with the ME the longest and she had to admit it was to her she was probably the closest too.

_TO: Melinda_

_Message: No, I'll tell em u did the test. Thanks again Mel, means so much to me, love you xxx_

_The reply came instantly. _

_FROM: Melinda_

_Message: no problem, anytime, u know I'm here if u wanna talk, love u too honey xxx_

Olivia realised then that it didn't matter what the father of her unborn child thought about her keeping the baby, she had three perfect aunts for her baby who were going to be there for her no matter what.

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At the precinct Olivia could see Elliot eyeing her up across the desk, he'd been doing it for the past hour since she'd arrived.

"What?" She finally asked getting annoyed with him.

"There's something different about you, I'm trying to work out what it is." He replied honestly.

"I had my hair cut." Olivia replied, it wasn't exactly a lie, she'd had her bangs trimmed and re-shaped even though she know that's not what he meant.

"Sure. Looks good." Elliot replied even though he knew she wasn't being honest with him, her hair had been the first thing he'd thought it was.

Olivia sighed and turned back to the paperwork she'd been doing, the last thing she wanted was a confrontation with Elliot again, they'd both ended up on a three days suspension because of the last fight they'd had.

"Stabler! Tutuola! You have a case!" Cragen called coming out of his office.

"What am I? Dead?" Olivia asked getting to her feet angrily.

"No you're on ass duty, I told you that." Cragen replied handing Fin the pink slip containing all the information. "Ten year old, she's in Saint Catherine's." Cragen told Stabler while Olivia sent him daggers with her eyes.

"Wait why is Liv on ass duty?" Stabler asked not liking that he would have to go out without his partner.

"Yeah I think this case would be better for Olivia to handle with her being a woman an all." Fin added knowing he and Stabler could intimidate the ten year old little girl.

"Olivia is on desk duty until I say otherwise and if you want to know why then ask her and not me!" Cragen snapped before turning on his heels.

"Liv?" Elliot asked turning to Olivia who was trying to blink back her tears.

_Damn hormones!_ She thought.

"Liv?" Elliot asked again seeing that Olivia was becoming increasingly upset and he was getting a lot more worried for her.

"I'm fine, go, you've got a ten year old waiting for you." Olivia whispered turning away from them.

Elliot and Fin shared a look before rushing out leaving Olivia in the bullpen with Munch.

"Here." Munch sighed passing her a tissue, she hadn't noticed that her attempts at stopping the tears had failed.

"Thanks, damn hormones." She snapped and then she realised what she said and turned to Munch.

"PMS will do that to a woman." He smiled and she nodded feeling relieved that Munch actually did have a brain in his head.

She sat down and wiped at her eyes knowing that she had to think things through before acting, the last thing she could do at this moment was act on her emotions or she wouldn't even make it to maternity leave with her job intact.

"Wait ..." Munch spun his seat to look at Olivia who glared back at him.

"What?" She asked impatiently.

"You're not PMSing are you?" He replied a smile spreading on his face.

"What are you on about John?" She asked looking at him with a look of confusion while her head was screaming with hope that he hadn't put everything together.

"Olivia." He sighed shaking his head. "You were coming out of an OBGYN when Fin and I saw you and then you're talking about hormones and ... don't take this the wrong way but I know what's different about you." Munch smiled and rested a hand on her shoulder as more tears cascaded onto her cheeks. "You're absolutely glowing, you've breasts are fuller and I am sorry that I noticed that and you've put on a bit of weight, Olivia you're pregnant aren't you?"

It wasn't really a question but Olivia sighed and nodded, _trust Munch to figure it out before anyone else_, she thought angrily. She went into her purse and pulled out the ultrasound picture and handed it to him.

"Please don't tell Fin or Elliot, let me do that?" She asked gently.

"Of course I will, but you should tell them soon because if I worked it out, well, it won't be long before they do too." He smiled. "And I'm looking forward to being an Uncle Olivia, congratulations. No one deserves this more than you." He stood up and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead as she peered down at the picture of her unborn child.

Her hand gently went to her abdomen and she took a deep breath making a vow to tell Elliot and Fin as soon as they got back, but first things first, she had to talk to Don Cragen.

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It took her nearly an hour to build up the courage to go to her superior's office and now she was sat opposite him nervously playing with the ultrasound picture in her hand.

"You want to tell me about it?" Cragen asked eventually knowing she hadn't come in here just to stare at the desk and tremble.

"Uh guess I have too." She sighed handing the picture over to him.

He knew what it was before he opened it but when he finally opened the envelope he let out a gentle sigh. It wasn't that he wasn't happy for her because he was, he knew that she wanted to be a mother, he'd been her referee when she'd tried to adopt only a year before, but he knew that this wasn't how she wanted to be a mother, this baby hadn't or he thought hadn't been conceived out of love.

"How far?"

"Fifteen weeks now." She replied and then realised she hadn't been listening when the doctor had given her a due date.

"Liv, how are you feeling?" Cragen replied.

"You sound like George." Olivia laughed nervously.

"I know, but I would really like to know how you're feeling." Cragen replied giving her a reassuring smile.

"Excited, I am genuinely excited to finally be a Mom. You know, the past three days I spent decorating the nursery and buying furniture and now everything is in the apartment just waiting to be put together and put in position ready for rookie here to arrive." Olivia smiled fingering her abdomen through her sweater.

"Rookie?"

"Sorry my nickname I don't like calling the child 'it'." Olivia laughed gently as Cragen grinned from ear to ear.

"I like it. Olivia, I have to ask, do you know who the father is? Really?"

"Of course I do! What do you think I do Cap pick up men in a bar when I'm sloshed and have unprotected sex with them?" She gasped slightly angry that he'd even consider such a thing.

"No, no not at all but I had to ask seeing as you're adamant you're doing this alone." Cragen sighed knowing whoever the father was deserved to know that Olivia was having his baby.

"I am doing this myself but I will tell him when_ I_ am ready to not because I'm pushed into it." Olivia explained getting to her feet.

"I trust that you'll do what's best for you Liv, and you can go back out in the field once you've told your partner that you're pregnant, then he can take better care of you." Cragen smiled before trying to hand her back the ultrasound picture.

"Uh that's your copy. I mean, rookie needs to bond with his granddad right?" Olivia smiled nervously as tears sprang into Cragen's eyes.

"Right." He nodded looking back down at the black and white picture and stroking it with his thumb. "Right." He nodded again as Olivia slipped out the office almost walking into Elliot.

"Hey." She smiled.

"Hey uh you ok?" He asked folding his arms across his chest.

"Of course why wouldn't I be?" She frowned, she hated it when he became protective of her but admired it too.

"Just wondering, I mean, you were in there a long time." He shrugged.

"Oh I'm fine, I've got to go though, I'm meeting the girls for lunch." She smiled before rushing out.

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When Olivia arrived at the cafe she was surprised to see that she was the last one to arrive.

"Hey." Olivia smiled taking the empty seat as all her friends greeted her.

"Ok so I've ordered your usual because Casey and I have only got half an hour so spill out whatever it is that you need to talk to us about!" Alex smiled.

"Wow you jump straight in there." Olivia laughed as she shared a glance with Melinda.

"Of course I do!" Alex almost sang just as their lunch was bought over.

As soon as everyone had their plate in front of them Olivia decided to just blurt it out rather than give some long winded explanation.

"I'm pregnant."

Everyone's reaction was different. Melinda, who already knew smiled at how her friend had announced it. Casey, who was in the process of taking a sip of water performed a near perfect spit take and then Alex who had been about to place her fork in her mouth let them drop straight from her hands and clatter on her plate.

"You knew?" Casey asked turning to Melinda as she wiped her chin.

"I did the test but Olivia asked me not to say anything, it was her news to tell." Melinda replied and Casey and Alex both nodded in agreement before turning to face Olivia.

"How far along?" Alex asked wanting this conversation to continue.

"Fifteen weeks. I know!" Olivia knew she was going to get it for not telling them sooner and wanted to explain her actions. "I know that it's a long time, Melinda only did the test four days ago but I knew really already but ... the truth is guys I couldn't do this ... I mean face it all ... face it on my own." Olivia was crying and all three of her friends left her seat to come and comfort her, in the process placing one hand each on her swollen belly.

"You're not alone Liv, you have us and we're going nowhere." Casey whispered while the other two nodded in agreement.

"You have to know we're not mad at you for not telling us either Liv, we're not mad at all we understand why you did what you had to do." Alex smiled gently as she stroked one hand down Olivia's hair.

"It's hard for anyone to deal with finding out their pregnant Olivia, especially when it's unplanned." Melinda added.

"Thanks guys, you're honestly going to be the best Aunt's I could wish my kid to have." Olivia replied through her sobs. "Thank you so much."

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**Well? Honestly tell me what you think! I know I'm on a roll with this story but it has been in my head for days if not weeks and I have to get it out of my system!**


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**I must admit, I am very much enjoying all the reviews "Is Elliot the father?" "I'm sure Elliot's not the father so tell me who it is" "Oh my God when are you going to tell us who the father is?" ok they are NOT direct quotations but they're along the lines of the reviews for the last three chapters. **

**So on with the show. **

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Olivia had managed to avoid Elliot and Fin all day, they'd been called on a case before she made it back to the squad room from lunch and then when she left, they still weren't back. She was now sat in her apartment with her feet up reading through "what to expect when expecting: A mother's guide to pregnancy" which she had bought while suspended.

When the buzzer went she groaned, convinced it was for someone else because no one ever visited her, no one had been over unexpectedly in fifteen weeks. When the buzzer rang for the second time she made her way over to find out who it was.

"Hello?" She called knocking a small buzzer.

_Hey baby girl it's me, could you let me in? Please?_

"Yeah come up." Olivia sighed hitting the button to release the door to let Fin into her apartment.

She went straight over to the front door and opened it just as Fin arrived the top of the stairs.

"Wow Casey wasn't lying." Fin gasped looking at Olivia's obviously stomach, she'd changed into a tank top and pyjama pants as soon as she'd arrived home.

"She told you?" Olivia sighed going into the living room Fin close behind.

"Yes, but she thought I knew, we were sat having dinner and she asked what I thought about you being a Mommy, she felt so guilty when I said that I didn't know Liv I swear, don't be mad at her." He was genuine and Olivia couldn't have been made even if she wanted to, Fin was now one less person she had to tell.

"It's ok." She shrugged.

"So uh, does Stabler know?" Fin asked taking the armchair while Olivia returned to her position on the couch.

"Uh no, no not yet." Olivia sighed, Elliot was the last person she wanted to tell.

"Oh well uh, you gonna tell him?" Fin was obviously uncomfortable.

"I will, eventually." Olivia sighed as she rubbed her abdomen.

"Ok." Fin nodded before allowing the room to go into an uncomfortable silence.

"Uh you wanna see the nursery?" Olivia suggested after a while, she'd been dying to show it off to someone.

"I'd love to." Fin smiled getting to his feet and offering his hand to Olivia to help her up.

"Fin, I'm only fifteen weeks along, it's going to get harder for me to get up you know. I need to get used to it." She laughed still accepting the help he was offering her.

"Sorry." He smiled knowing she appreciated the gesture.

She led him down to the nursery and opened the door allowing him to go in first.

"Wow baby girl this place looks amazing, 'cept for the boxes." He laughed looking at the furniture boxes.

"Yeah, I uh, I don't think I could put them up on my own." Olivia shrugged admitting what she'd been thinking to the person she considered a brother.

"Well why don't you make us both a drink and we'll get started?" Fin smiled turning to face her.

"No you should go home to Casey." Olivia replied.

"We argued, and she kicked my ass out and told me to go sleep in the cribs." Fin sighed.

"Well in that case I'll get you a cold beer and I'll have a bottle of water." She smiled before disappearing towards the kitchen letting Fin open one of the boxes.

"Uh baby girl you got some tools?" He asked knowing Olivia wasn't any kind of domestic goddess but knowing she would have some tools around.

"Yeah just under the sink." She smiled putting the drinks on the window ledge while he rushed off to get the tools.

Olivia picked up the only photo frame in the room and stroked her finger along the picture. It was a the ultrasound picture and she couldn't stop looking at it, trying to digest the fact that she was going to be a Mommy in a few months wasn't easy.

"Got them." Fin smiled coming back into the room and placing the large red box on the floor.

Olivia smiled as he pulled out the pieces of the crib and passed her the instructions.

"Just in case." He winked.

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When Olivia woke the next morning she silently crept down the hallway and into the nursery. She and Fin had stayed up almost all night putting together the furniture and now the room was done, and with five months left of her pregnancy she couldn't be happier. Knowing they had to be in work in a few hours Olivia went to the living room to wake Fin up, it wasn't the first time he'd crashed on her couch after an argument with Casey and she even had a pile of his clothes for him from the times it had happened.

After waking him she went for a shower while he made hot drinks and breakfast for them both. He was surprised to see Olivia's cupboards and fridge fully stocked for a change, he suddenly realised how much Olivia wanted this baby to be born happy and healthy. He chuckled as he made them both some eggs and when she emerged from her bedroom fully dressed he gave her a strong smile, one of support and love and friendship.

"So have you thought of any names yet?" Fin asked just to make polite conversation as they ate.

"Yup, a few, yet to narrow it down yet." Olivia laughed.

"Go on, tell me some of them, just so I can make sure my niece or nephew isn't going to grow up with some crazy celebrity name like apple and peach!" Fin laughed.

"I like the name Summer for a girl or Autumn I know they're seasons Fin but they're also very lovely girl names just like the names April, May and June are months yet they're girls names." Olivia smirked seeing how he was looking at her.

"And if it's a boy?"

"I like the name Elijah and then there's Andreas or Jacob." Olivia replied.

"Uh ... very Biblical."

"You don't like them." Olivia sighed looking away to hide her disappointment.

"No I do like them baby girl I'm just surprised to hear you come out with three very biblical names for little boys." He replied. "I mean you're not the most religious person I've ever met."

"I know, but I like those names, nothing to do with them being biblical."

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Olivia and Fin drove separately to the precinct giving Olivia some time alone to think about how she was going to tell Elliot that she was pregnant, she knew it had to be today but then again she knew how furious he was going to be, he was going to find out everyone knew before he did and that wasn't going to sit well with him.

She bought them both coffee hoping it would somehow soften the blow before slowly making her way up to the bullpen. Elliot wasn't there yet so she placed the Styrofoam cup on his desk and scribbled on a post it note before making her way up to the cribs, she knew he wouldn't be far behind her.

Once there she sat at the end of the bed and suddenly she couldn't hold it all in anymore. She dropped her head as her body wracked with loud pain filled sobs. George Huang who happened to be walking by the cribs heard her and rushed inside.

"Olivia... Liv... come on Liv say something to me, you're having a panic attack Liv you need to take deep breaths this isn't good for the baby."

She could barely hear his voice as she struggled to capture even the smallest amount of oxygen. She felt as if someone was standing on her chest, squeezing her lungs shut and it just seemed to make her worse the more time that passed. She was vaguely aware of Huang holding her wrist up and then flashing lights into her eyes but with each second that past the harder it was to catch a breath, it wasn't long before everything went black.

"Shit!" Huang mumbled as he gently lay Olivia down onto one of the cots just before Elliot rushed in.

"What the fuck? George?"

"Call a bus." Huang replied not having any time to begin explaining.

"Someone call a bus!" Elliot yelled to the bustling squad room before rushing to Olivia's side and taking her free hand.

"She's just had a panic attack Elliot she'd fine." George explained as he continued to check her pulse against his watch just waiting for her to slowly come down.

"Then why have you called an ambulance? She's had panic attacks before." Elliot replied.

Huang said nothing, he wasn't about to lie to Elliot but it wasn't his place to tell him either. He was also aware that when the paramedics arrived he would have to tell them and Elliot was going to hear so he slowly placed his hand on Olivia's swollen abdomen hoping the detective would get the message.

He did.

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Olivia was now resting in the cribs, the EMT's had checked her over but as she had come round while they were checking her over she'd been adamant that she was fine and didn't need to go to the ER so they didn't take her, just told her to get some rest which with Cragen and Huang's orders she'd agreed to have a nap in the cribs after explaining she'd had a late night.

Elliot was now in Cragen's office with both Don and George. He was pacing backwards and forwards his mind in complete overdrive.

"Elliot speak to us, tell us what's going through your mind." George called. "Speak your thoughts out loud." He added hoping the worked up detective would give him something to work off of.

"Pregnant? Liv? She's pregnant ... how far along is she?" He stopped pacing and looked from Huang to Cragen waiting for one of them to answer.

"Fifteen weeks." Cragen replied.

"Fifteen weeks, God fifteen weeks." He shook his head and began pacing again as he tried to take it all in.

"Who else knows?" Elliot asked stopping to look at the other men once more.

"I don't know you'll have to ask her that." Cragen sighed knowing it must have been tough for Elliot being her best friend and not knowing.

"Fifteen weeks, Fuck ..." Elliot stopped and looked at Cragen swallowing hard.

"Elliot?" Cragen watched his detective closely because he knew something was going on in his mind.

"What is it Elliot?" Huang coaxed as Elliot ran a hand down his face, his eyes screaming that he'd come to some sort of realisation.

"I know who the father is." He whispered.

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**Hehe, sorry guys but had to leave it there. **


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**THIS IS THE CHAPTER YOU'VE ALL BEEN BEGGING FOR, SOME BIG SECRET IS GOING TO BE REVEALED, BUT OF COURSE THERE WILL BE MORE SECRETS TO KEEP YOU ALL AT THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT! **

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Elliot dropped himself down on one of the empty chairs in front of his captain's desk. He was as white as a sheet and his mind was in complete overdrive as he held his head in his hands.

"Why didn't she tell me? We promised, we promised not to have any secrets, that night, we promised, no lies no secrets, not anymore, honesty, always honest with each other."

He was mumbling and Huang and Cragen were listening intently hoping he'd give them the one answer they both wanted... who Olivia's baby's father was. Elliot had said he knew, but since then he'd just mumbled barely coherent to no one in particular.

"He's gone mad." Cragen sighed.

"No he's just in shock Don. Try yelling at him."

"Elliot! Tell us who the father of Olivia's baby is!" Cragen yelled causing the person who had seconds ago been knocking gently on the door to almost breaking it down as they barged in causing all three men to turn and look.

"Liv." Elliot gasped rushing over to her and cupping her face in his hands and pressing his forehead to hers.

"El, I'm sorry." She crumbled, her tears flooding down her cheeks once again.

"Don't be sorry Liv, please don't be sorry just tell me, tell me now." He pleaded with her.

"We're having a baby Elliot, I'm so sorry."

Cragen and Huang looked at each other, both of them swallowing hard.

"No baby this is amazing news, the divorce was finalised this morning Liv, that's why I was late, I went shopping and bought you something because we could finally be together without you feeling like the other woman." He explained as she fell into his arms and he held her tight, kissing her crown knowing this news couldn't have come to him at a better time.

"One night Elliot, one night screwing you and I end up with a bun in the oven." She said pulling away from him.

"I know, God I'm sorry Liv but it's over now, we promised that once the divorce was finalised we could be together, Liv that happened this morning, look I even bought you this, I bought it days ago but it was only ready this morning." He explained hurriedly handing over a small black box making Cragen and Huang both turn a visible shade of white even though the two detectives had forgotten all about them being sat there.

"El..." She whispered shakily as she peered into the box.

"I wanted something special to mark today, the first day of forever Liv, you and me now." He explained pulling a golden locket out of the box and putting it around her neck.

She peered down at the engraving and fingered it. It was simple.

_El + Liv_

It was perfect.

"Thank you." She whispered wrapping herself up in his arms.

"Now why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?" Elliot asked.

"I didn't want to scare you away, or if you'd changed your mind about this, about us then you wouldn't feel tied down to me in anyway." She hiccupped as he wrapped her up in his embrace once again.

"Oh Liv don't you remember me saying? Don't you remember me saying I wanted you, all of you, I wanted kids with you?" He asked.

"I do but I just didn't believe it was real!" She sobbed hysterically into his chest.

"I've never lied to you Liv, never, you know that." He rocked her gently and then looked over to Cragen and Huang who were still shocked into silence.

"Sorry." She sobbed.

"Don't cry baby, because right now I need you." He whispered kissing her head as she looked up at him.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because we've got a fucking boat load of explaining to do and I don't think I can do that on my own." He explained looking over at Huang and Cragen making Olivia's head turn.

"Shit I didn't think about that." She replied laughing weakly as Elliot led her to the seat in front of the desk.

"Ask us what you want but don't expect an answer to everything." Elliot sighed as he pulled Olivia's hand into his own and into his lap waiting.

Cragen looked at Huang and saw that the Doctor looked how he felt. He chuckled and shook his head before looking at the two detectives, he should have known all along.

"How?"

"Well Captain I don't think we need to turn this into a health class." Olivia quipped as Elliot shook his head and laughed.

"No I mean how did you two get together?" Cragen asked again thinking Olivia's reply was her avoiding the question.

"It sort of just happened." Olivia shrugged getting ready to explain everything to her captain.

_It had been a long day and Olivia and Elliot were tired and fed up. They'd worked a case since three that morning and Elliot had no desire to go home and argue with his wife when there was a beautiful woman sat in front of him, a beautiful woman who he happened to be head over heels in love with and would be willing to let him have her couch if she wanted it. _

"_Elliot ... earth to Stabler." Olivia sang pulling him from his thoughts. _

"_What?" He asked wondering what she was calling him for. _

"_We're done, fancy getting some beers and a take out?" She asked knowing that he and Kathy had been arguing as he'd complained about it all day and that meant he wanted her couch, she wasn't complaining about that. _

"_Yeah sure, I'd love too, thanks Liv." He smiled getting up and following her out. _

_Xxx_

_After eating their Chinese and drinking two bottles of beer each they were sat on the couch laughing and joking about work and trying to somehow relax. Her feet was on his lap and neither one of them had been bothered when he started to massage them while she laughed about another one of Munch's conspiracy theories. _

"_Hey I gave Kathy the divorce papers." Elliot smiled. _

"_You did?" Olivia asked jumping to sitting her feet flying from his lap to the floor._

"_Yeah, I did that's why we were arguing. I couldn't do another night on that couch though, I can't stand being in the same fucking city as her so I couldn't go home." He sighed. _

"_Then why don't you share the bed with me tonight El?" Olivia suggested hopeful that he would. "You know, give your neck a rest, it would be just like a fucking slumber party."_

_Little did she know how much the word 'fucking' would come into their slumber party. _

_Xxx _

_While they were lying in bed Elliot took her hand into his own and kissed it making Olivia very uncomfortable, now wasn't the time for this. _

"_You know Liv, you're what drove me to finally leave Kathy." Elliot whispered. _

"_What dya mean?" She asked turning to face him and propping herself up on her elbow. _

"_I've been practically living here for the past six months Olivia, I think I've spent more time here with you than I have at home with my wife and kids and not just because my wife and I were arguing, I even told you sometimes we'd argued when we hadn't just so I could stay here." He smirked._

"_Oh really?" Olivia laughed cocking an eyebrow with a hint of a laugh in her words. _

"_Yeah, fuck Liv, I've been ... I'm trying to ... God why is this so fucking hard?" He groaned and then leant into Olivia. "I've been wanting to tell you that I'm in love you." _

"_What?" Olivia stared in shock. _

"_Olivia Benson I love you." He said before crashing his lips into hers. _

"_I love you too." She moaned as they continued to fight their tongues in each other's mouths. _

"_Fuck yeah." He replied his hands beginning to explore her body, neither one of them expected what happened next. _

_Xxx_

_They made love that night, neither one of them were sure what it meant but as they cuddled up in bed the next morning Olivia realised that what had happened, as much as she had wanted it, should never have happened. _

"_Elliot." She whispered as he stroked her hair. _

"_What?" He asked, he was still in complete shock that he was lying cuddled up in bed with Olivia, something he'd only ever dreamed of. _

"_What happened ... Listen, this, this should never have happened." She sighed pulling away from him and climbing out of the bed quickly wrapping her robe around her naked body. _

"_You're regretting it?" He asked in complete shock. _

"_No! No I'm not, not in the way you think I do." She sighed, this was going to be a tough one to explain. _

"_Then talk to me Olivia, tell me what happened that you're regretting." He was pleading, Elliot Stabler was actually pleading. _

"_You're married El! You have a wife and kids and last night you screwed your partner!" Olivia rubbed her forehead as she spoke the frustration was visible. _

"_Liv ..."_

"_No Elliot, I don't want to be the other woman in any man's life especially not yours, fuck, you told me you loved me..."_

"_You said it too." He interrupted. _

"_I did because it's true, but I'm your partner, and you're my married partner, this should never have happened Elliot, you mean too much to me for this to be a one night stand working of some sexual tension, I can't ... I think we need time apart." She whispered the last bit as she waited for the explosion, but it didn't come. _

"_No we don't, maybe we do in our personal lives if that's what you want Olivia but don't get a different partner, please don't I couldn't stand watching you work with someone else. I've loved you since the day I laid eyes on you and over the years that love has just grown stronger and stronger and I need you by my side." He explained taking her hands into his own and staring deep into her chocolate coloured eyes. _

"_Elliot...I won't ask for another partner, but, until you and Kathy divorce you can't come here anymore, please don't." She whispered blinking back the tears that were so close to the edge._

"_If that's what you want Liv then I will stay away just promise me that once the divorce is final then you and I can be together." He whispered the hurt visible in his face but the understanding audible in his voice. _

"_Once your divorce is final then we can give us a go if that's what you want but until then Elliot, we're just partners. We have to behave like none of this ever happened." She whispered back. _

"_Ok, until I'm divorced we're just partners but I promise you Olivia no secrets, no lies, complete honesty with you, I love you so much and when I am finally a free man I am going to be with you, take care of you and you will be mine." He replied carefully stroking her cheek. _

"_Ok, but not until you're divorced El, I'm sorry."_

"_No I'm the one who's sorry, don't feel guilty just promise me the same. No secrets, no lies." _

"_No secrets, no lies. I promise you El." She replied before slowly disappearing into the bathroom, it was the hardest promise she'd ever made but she now had to convince herself that his divorce would happen and that he would somehow end up back in her bed, but until then, that night never happened. _

"So you too actually stopped then?" Huang asked after the two of them had finished explaining.

"Yeah, she asked me to stay away until the divorce was finalised and I did, now it's finalised I don't need to stay away." Elliot explained looking at Olivia who seemed to have had a lot of weight lifted from her shoulders.

"It explains why you've done nothing but fight for the past fifteen weeks." Cragen added, it had been a nightmare trying to be their commanding officer with them at each other's necks non-stop.

"Ok, so Elliot's your baby's father, you're now divorced, what happens now?" Huang asked trying to work out if the two detectives in front of him were emotionally stable enough.

"I don't know, I think that's something we need to discuss alone." Olivia replied quickly, she wasn't about to begin talking about her unborn child's future in front of Cragen and Huang, it was something she wanted to discuss with Elliot in privet.

"Right, I want the two of you to take the rest of the day and don't come back unless you're both on the same page." Cragen sighed, he knew they had a lot of talking to do and here wasn't the place to do it.

"Thank you." Olivia replied letting out a sigh of relief, she had a lot of things she wanted to get off her chest and she knew she needed to do it in the comfort of her own apartment.

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The car ride back to Olivia's apartment had been silent, neither one sure of what to say to each other so deciding the keep everything they wanted to say swirling in their mind until it was time. Elliot silently followed Olivia up to the apartment and patiently waited as she made them both a hot drink and sit down. He was on the couch so she opted for the arm chair, wanting to create that distance between them.

"We're having a baby." Elliot whispered his eyes closed as he held his mug in his shaking hands.

"No Elliot, I'm having a baby." She replied making his eyes shoot wide open and link onto hers.

"Liv?" He asked in complete shock.

"What?" She shrugged and let out a soft sigh.

"What do you mean, you're having a baby, this baby is mine too." Elliot was nervous.

"I know it's our baby, but I'm the one who's having it Elliot, you left that morning, you didn't keep me in the loop of what was going on yet you're the one who made a promise of no secrets yet you kept a pretty big one from me." She sighed again, she was mentally exhausted.

"Please don't do this Liv, this isn't as complicated as you're making it out to be." Elliot whispered trying to stop the tears from springing to his eyes.

"What? You're kidding right? Not complicated? Of course it is Elliot, your wife is going to know you cheated on her when she finds out I'm fifteen weeks pregnant, your kids are going to know that you cheated on your wife, what do you think they're going to think of me? It may have only been one night Elliot but I can't jump into a relationship with you and pretend that this is all ok when it isn't." She explained angrily but quietly, a lot more threatening that Elliot had heard from her before.

"I'm sorry Liv, my kids will be fine with it, they're getting a new sibling, Kathy can go to hell because she's not my wife anymore." Elliot left the couch and knelt down in front of her, taking her mug from her hands so he could clutch them.

"I can't do this with you Elliot." She whispered as the tears trickled down her cheeks. "This is all so wrong."

"It can be right though, we don't have to be like everyone else."

"No Elliot, no it can't be, this baby should never have been conceived we should never have let our relationship get to that stage." Olivia was desperate for him to understand.

"Liv..."

"No I want you to go now Elliot, please go and let me ... give me time to think about all of this, I'm not ready for a relationship with you right now." She explained. "I'm not saying that we were just a one night stand and it won't go any further because ... because I love you El I really do but I'm pregnant and I'm a hormonal mess and now isn't the time to make any life altering decisions. Please just go."

Elliot realised she was right, they couldn't just jump into a relationship and pretend everything was ok, he would have to work on it, slowly make her his and that was what he was going to do.

"Ok, call me if you need anything." He whispered dropping a gentle kiss onto her forehead knowing they both needed time apart.

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Elliot went back to his apartment with a heavy heart. He could understand Olivia's reaction and as much as he wanted to scream and shout at her he'd managed to hold it all inside until she was up to talking. He wasn't about to ruin the best relationship he'd ever had, even if it wasn't really a relationship in every sense of the word. As he sat on the couch with a beer he took out his cell phone and didn't hesitate for a minute in texting.

TO: Liv

Message: I love you and our child so much, please don't shut me out. Xx

She didn't reply as he had hoped so he decided to call it a night and go to sleep.

What he didn't expect was a phone call at eleven pm from Fin.

"Stabler."

Get down to Mercy General. It's Liv.

He didn't wait for an explanation before hanging up the phone and grabbing what he needed and heading out the door.

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**A/N: Goes back in time a little here before Elliot gets a phone call. **

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Fin was worried about Olivia. When she'd left the one six with Elliot she looked like a broken doll and not her usual self. He thought back to the night before where they had spent laughing and joking while putting together the baby's nursery. She'd seemed so happy about becoming a Mom and then suddenly she looked like she was frail and sick.

His arms were wrapped around Casey. She was reading a book all snuggled up into his chest while he was supposed to be watching the TV but he couldn't focus on it, he couldn't shift the feeling that something was really wrong.

"Hey Case'..." He started and he felt Casey shift against him.

"What?" She asked, he could hear that she was tired.

"Uh, would you mind ... would you mind if I went over to check on Olivia?" He hoped it wouldn't start an argument.

"Why?" Casey asked sitting up so she could look at him.

"Uh well uh I uh..."

"Spit it out Fin." Casey groaned, he hated it when she got like this.

"I think something's wrong with her, just, something didn't seem right with her this morning and then she had a panic attack in work and she left with Elliot and now I can't help but think something is really wrong with her, she's like my sister Casey, I won't be long I just want to make sure she's alright." Fin explained and Casey nodded in agreement.

"Why don't you try calling her first and see if she's up?" Casey suggested handing him over his cell phone. "And if she doesn't answer we'll go over together, she'd my best friend Fin and if you're worried then I'm worried too."

"Thanks." He whispered dropping a gentle kiss on her nose before dialling Olivia's phone number.

When there wasn't an answer the feeling of worry turned to dread and he and Casey got ready quickly to go and make sure she was alright.

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When they arrived outside Olivia's apartment they rang and rang but they didn't get an answer. Casey and Fin were even more worried now so Fin rang all the other apartment and told them he was NYPD feeling relieved he'd put on his gun and shield before leaving. Once in the building Casey followed Fin quickly up to Olivia's door where he banged and called for her.

"Shh... can you hear that?" Casey asked pressing her ear against the door.

Fin copied and listened carefully hoping he'd hear the TV or something.

"That's ... running water? A bath?" He asked and Casey nodded. "Get behind me."

Casey complied without question and the Fin kicked the weakest point on the door glad that it flew open with one kick. He and Casey both ran into the bathroom.

Casey screamed and Fin swallowed back the bile that had risen in his throat.

"Call an Ambulance and the call Cragen." He whispered handing Casey his cell phone before stopping the taps. "Come on baby girl."

He lifted Olivia's naked body out of the bath and grabbed every towel he could find. He pressed them to her blood covered wrists in the hope he could stem the bleeding but nothing seemed to be working as the white fluffy towels turned red.

"Get me something to cover her with." Fin told Casey as soon as he felt her right behind him.

Casey rushed into the bedroom and grabbed in the comforter off the bed and helped Fin wrap it around her before taking one of her wrists and pressing down hard to stem the bleeding.

"Why Liv? Why?" Casey sobbed as they waited for the EMT's.

Cragen arrived first and when he saw the scene in front of him he almost fainted.

"What happened?" He swallowed hard as he spoke, his voice thick with fear.

"I don't know Cap, we tried calling and I knew something was wrong so we came over and we found her in the bath.

Cragen looked into the bath and suppressed the urge to vomit as he saw the red water and then looked down at Olivia's broken body.

"Might be something to do with these." He gasped picking up a pill bottle from the side. "Sleeping pills, there's not many gone from them, I don't think she OD'd."

"OD'd? She slit her wrists! That's ... I don't know which one is worse!" Fin suppressed a sob as the EMT's rushed into the apartment.

"Call Elliot." Cragen told Fin as Casey stood in severe shock watching the EMT's working on her friend, Cragen had a call to make himself.

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**Dun Dun. **


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**Ok so I am NOT a doctor, I don't know how much of the crap I've written is actually scientific but it's fan FICTION so bare that in mind when you're reading it. **

**Also for those of you who don't like the last chapter, I know Olivia would never do such a thing but again this is FICTION and I've read HUNDREDS of stories where I'm like "that would never happen" but they're the ones I usually like best because they're not sticking to the show's dynamics with the character and I love it. **

**Anyway after my long and rambling note ...**

**...On with the show!**

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Cragen, Huang, Munch, Fin, Casey, Alex, Melinda, and Elliot all sat in the waiting room at Mercy General. They'd been told Olivia was stable and conscious and that the baby was fine but that she had to talk to a psychiatrist and be evaluated before anyone could see or speak with her. They'd heard that she was fighting them, but there was nothing they could really do without harming the baby so they'd waited until she lost all energy to fight. Cragen had tried to persuade them to let Huang talk to her, knowing she'd be a little more relaxed with someone she knew but they'd not allowed it, so all they could do was wait.

"Family of Olivia Benson?"

Everyone jumped to standing and looked at the young blonde haired psychiatrist who smiled gently at Huang, they knew each other somehow.

"What's going on with her?" Elliot asked unable to mask the fear and desperation from his voice.

"We've put her on a seventy two hour psych hold, however it seems she's going to be a resident here until after her child is born." Doctor Whitney explained.

"What? Why? Olivia isn't crazy!" Elliot snapped angrily.

"I'm not saying she is Sir, Olivia had a psychotic break it's not unheard of with women having babies after forty, especially those with a high stress level, after talking with her I can see she has had a bit of trouble accepting the pregnancy even though she's adamant that she's happy to be pregnant, she works a high stress job, I want to keep an eye on her and see if the psychosis lifts, if it does then I will be able to discharge her, if she decides after seventy two hours that she wants to discharge herself then it's up to her medical proxy to make the decision however considering she lives alone and has no family I think the psych ward is the best place for her until after the birth." Doctor Whitney explained.

Elliot swallowed hard, he was her medical proxy, the decision lay with him and he could feel everyone's eyes fixed on him as he sat back down unable to look at anyone.

"What if she wasn't alone for the duration of her pregnancy?" Huang asked stepping forward, he would make sure Olivia was fine.

"Well then I'd be more than happy to discharge her as long as I had absolute proof that she wasn't going to be alone, _at all_." Doctor Whitney was just trying to do what was right by her patient.

"I'd stay with her." Fin explained. "She's like a sister to me, I'd quit working at SVU to take care of her."

Casey looked at him and nodded in agreement, giving him an appreciative smile.

"You wouldn't need to quit, I'd help so we could somehow work something out." Huang added. "It's why I asked."

"Exactly and she's ... she's like my daughter, she can move into my place until she gives birth so no one has to stay at her place." Cragen chipped in, he wasn't going to let her become a psych ward resident either, none of this was her fault.

"Yeah we'd all help, she'd never be alone." Melinda added looking around at everyone who hadn't said anything who were all nodding in agreement.

"Well I can see that Detective Benson has the best family possible around her." Doctor Whitney smiled.

"Can I see her?" Elliot asked looking up for the first time.

"She's asked to speak with Doctor Huang before she see's anyone else." Doctor Whitney said looking over at the doctor who was nodding, he would be happy to speak with her, she probably needed reassurance from a doctor who was a friend as well.

Elliot sighed, he couldn't help but blame himself, he was responsible for knocking her up in the first place.

"I can't believe she's ... God." He broke out in to sobs which had Alex and Melinda rushing to his side to comfort him. "This is all my fault."

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"Before we go in there George, I should warn you she doesn't look good." Doctor Whitney sighed as they stood outside Olivia's privet room.

"Manda, I've seen bad before." He didn't know how else to explain it.

"No I know that George but she'd your friend, she's in four point restraints ..."

"What? You put a pregnant woman in four point restraints? Why?" George was completely flabbergasted.

"She was attacking everyone and everything George and we couldn't give her any form of antipsychotic that we had to hand with her being pregnant, we had to make sure she didn't hurt herself or the baby or one of the doctors and nurses trying to help her. I didn't want to do it but I had no choice." Amanda explained desperate to make him understand, they'd been friends for years and she didn't want this to cause any friction between them.

"It's ok I understand, uh, do I have your permission to take them off if she's calm? I mean, I don't want her restrained when I'm talking to her and I can promise you that Elliot Stabler will fly off the handle if he sees her restrained." Huang wasn't joking even though Amanda Whitney laughed a little nervously.

"Well I'll leave you to it, call me if you need me." She smiled before hurrying off down the corridor.

Huang should have prepared himself for what he found in the room. Olivia was in four point restraints and her sobs were harsh causing her body to convulse almost unnaturally. She hadn't heard the door go and Huang was relieved because it took him a moment to blink back his tears and take a deep breath before going towards her.

"Shh, hey Liv, it's me, shh." He cooed as he undid the restraints on her right arm.

"George?" She hiccupped finally opening her eyes.

"Yeah it's me Liv." He replied as he undid the second restraint.

"What the hell happened?" She cried finally being able hold her hands to her chest and bend her knees.

"You had a psychotic break Liv, God I should have seen this coming, I could have helped, maybe even stopped it." George was crying, he'd never cried in front of anyone of the detectives before.

"Don't George, it's not your fault." She whispered closing her eyes, she didn't want to see him looking so broken.

"I know, God I'm sorry Olivia." He replied as he wiped away his tears.

"Stop it." She said firmly. "Now for how long am I stuck here?"

"Liv they've put you on a seventy two hour psych hold." He replied nervously.

"They've done what?" She yelled sitting up right. "I am not mad! I am not staying here for seventy two hours on a psych hold!" She was yelling, she was frantic and Huang was desperate for her to calm down before anyone who worked on the psych ward heard her and restrained her again.

"Olivia..."

"Don't Olivia me George, do something about this!" She yelled angrily.

"I can't, it's out of my hands." He replied softly, he didn't want to make her angry.

"I will walk straight out of here." She spat. "I promise you if you lot don't do something about this right now I will walk out of here and out of your lives ... God who found me?"

"Fin and Casey."

"No." Olivia broke out into more silent sobs as Huang tried to comfort her. "Did El..."

"No, he didn't see anything." He reassured.

"Thank God for that." Olivia replied taking one of the seats beside the bed. "I can't do this." She said after a few beats of silence had passed between them.

"What can't you do Liv?" Huang asked kneeling down in front of her.

"Be a Mom." She whispered as tears stung her eyes. "I want an abortion."

"Olivia ..."

"Don't George, please don't." She whispered shaking her head as the tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"You're not thinking straight Liv, you were in a state of Mania when you were suspended, Fin told me about the shopping spree and the decorating, now you've hit some depression, it's just the psychosis Liv it will pass, please take these three days to recuperate and get yourself together and then if you still want an abortion after then that's your choice, don't rush into this please." Huang was almost pleading with her because he knew, he knew that the second she went through with it she'd regret it and drive her into a deep depression that he wasn't sure he could get her out of.

"Ok, ok I will but I don't want to see anyone, please don't let them come and see me." She whispered in reply.

"They're all waiting out there to see you Liv but if you don't want to see them then you don't have to but I'd suggest that you did, might help in the long run." Huang explained, he didn't want to be the person having to tell Elliot Stabler that the mother of his child didn't want to see him.

"How can I George, how can I face any of them again?" She asked her voice hoarse from her trying not to cry.

"Olivia why are you afraid to see them?" Huang asked going straight into shrink mode the second she needed him too.

"I'm so ashamed." She cried dropping her head into her hands. "They'll never be able to look at me the same again!"

"That's not true and you have nothing to be ashamed about Olivia, you're sick and that's not your fault." Huang was feeling a little desperate to make her understand that she had nothing to be ashamed about.

"I don't feel sick, I feel messed up like nothing makes sense anymore." She replied. "It feels like my whole life is a jigsaw puzzle and someone's gone and taken all the pieces and scattered them everywhere and I can't find them all and put them back together again."

"Listen to me Olivia, for the next three days, you will get some of the best treatment they can give you, please take them up on their offers of therapy and rehabilitation and just relax and in seventy hours we can take you home." He explained and she smiled weakly.

"Wow two hours down already?" She asked.

"Yeah two hours down and only seventy to go, they'll fly by Liv, just don't fight the doctors ok?" He smirked as she laughed gently.

"Thanks George."

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After talking with Olivia he felt a little bit reassured, the only issue now was he had to tell everyone in the waiting room that she didn't want to see any of them and that she had asked that they didn't visit her, she wanted him to come by though because she trusted his professional judgement and she knew he understood that whatever was going on with her, wasn't her fault.

"Well?" Cragen asked seeing the doctor come in with heavy shoulders.

"She's better than when I first went in." Huang sighed, he couldn't get the vision of her in four point restraints out of his head.

"Ok well that sounds hopeful." Cragen replied knowing that the doctor was affected by whatever it was he'd seen.

"She doesn't want to see any of you." He whispered making everyone's eyes latch onto him. "I tried to persuade her to talk to you, so that she could see that none of you blame her and that you understand that this wasn't her fault but she's ... she'd too ashamed, she doesn't want any of you to see her while she's here."

"George she'd gotta know none of us think this is her fault and that she's got nothing to be ashamed about right?" Cragen asked surprised that she'd said such a thing.

"She's depressed Don, all we have to do it hope that in the next seventy hours she gets her mind back on track." George replied sinking into one of the plastic chairs.

"I'm leaving." Elliot announced as he got to his feet.

"Jesus Elliot if she's going to see anyone don't you think it's going to be you?" Cragen snapped.

"I don't want to see her Don, that's my kid she could have killed by doing that ... she's crying out for attention that I'd already tried to give her. She should be ashamed because this is her fault." Elliot hissed angrily.

He didn't mean a word of it. He loved her and he was scared for her and that's what the problem was. However, everyone else in the room didn't see it that way, some were trying to get over the fact they'd just found out Elliot was the baby's dad while the others were ready to fight him for saying such cruel things.

"Elliot this is in no way Olivia's fault. She's breaking down, it's not her fault at all and I know you don't think it's her fault either so you want to tell us what you're really thinking?" Huang intervened before anyone else go the chance too.

"I ... uh ... I should be in there with her, that's my kid that she could have killed!" Elliot finally broke out in wracked sobs much to the surprise of everyone in the room, they'd seen Elliot cry before but not in this way.

Cragen looked around the waiting room at everyone, it seemed like they were all making a silent declaration not to leave the hospital until either Olivia saw them or the psych hold was up.

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**Dun Dun. **


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**...On with the show!**

**This chapter has a 2 part count down, one will be from the hospital with Liv and the other will be with everyone else so it might say 61 hours for Olivia but then go to 59 hours for whomever else but then back to 60 hours for Olivia. Hope that makes sense!**

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**70 hours remaining**

Olivia had just watched George Huang leave. Her head was spinning as she played with the bandages around her wrists. At the time it had seem like a good thing to do, she'd been in so much emotional pain and she'd read somewhere that cutting was a form of release, it had really seemed like a good idea at the time but now she just felt foolish and ashamed, she had no reason to feel like cutting was the only option, she had no reason to want to hurt herself of her baby ... her baby.

"I'm so sorry baby." She whispered clutching her hands onto her abdomen. "I'm so selfish." She cried.

She knew she'd never be able to abort her pregnancy. The small baby growing inside of her was a part of her flesh and blood and whether or not she could believe it she knew the child had been conceived out of love, she loved Elliot and this baby was going to be living proof of that love.

A nurse came in and smiled gently at Olivia.

"How are you Detective?" She asked as she approached the chair Olivia was occupying.

"Please, call me Olivia and I'm ... better." She decided on the best choice of word for the situation she was in.

Shit! She was on a seventy two hour psych hold! What had she done? This wasn't right! She was a cop for crying out loud, she was supposed to help victims not ... not become a bumbling mess of self loathing ... self loathing? No she didn't ... did she?

Too many thoughts were going around Olivia's head for her to be able to concentrate on one.

"It might be a good idea for you to try and get some sleep Olivia." The nurse smiled as she placed a small bottle of water and a bottle of orange juice on the table beside the bed.

"I'm not tired." Olivia replied weakly, she didn't want to sleep, not yet.

"Your family is still outside, would you like to see them? I know they're dying to see you."

"No." Olivia replied before turning away, that's all she had to say on the matter.

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**70 Hours Remaining. **

The waiting room had been in silence for the past forty minutes. It was slowly inching closer to the third hour but none of them seemed to notice. No one really knew what to say to one and other or knew how to behave so the silence was almost soothing rather than awkward.

Elliot couldn't sit there anymore looking at everyone's faces, he quickly dove out of his seat and rushed out into the corridor taking in deep grateful breaths, thanking God that the air outside in the corridor wasn't as thick as the air in the waiting room.

"Elliot?" Don Cragen was making sure he hadn't bolted.

"Sorry, I just can't sit in there anymore." Elliot sighed leaning against the wall.

"I know, it's uh it's sombre, no one is sure what to say." Cragen sighed he sort of understood Elliot's pain, he was feeling some of it himself.

"Exactly. How am I supposed to look at her the same knowing what she's done?" Elliot asked avoiding Cragen's gaze.

"When you see her Elliot, you'll realise she's the same woman inside who got lost on the way, it's a little bit like when I was drunk, I wasn't myself but people could still look at me the same when I sobered up, they realised I'd been in trouble but that I was better and better for it." Cragen tried to help but he'd rather wished he'd allowed George Huang to come and talk to him instead, he could probably do a better job.

"You're right... but what am I supposed to do? She could have killed our baby." Elliot couldn't stop the tears from dripping down his cheeks.

"I know but that's not what was going through her mind at that point Elliot, I hope you understand that, why don't you and I go and by everyone some coffee?" Cragen suggested.

"Yeah, would be nice to not be sat around collecting thoughts." Elliot sighed.

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**68 Hours Remaining**

Two hours. Two hours she'd been sat completely alone with no one to talk to but herself and nothing to do but think. She played with the necklace around her neck and it caught in the dim light of the lamp beside the bed.

_Liv + El_

She choked back a sob. Now wasn't the time to be thinking about Elliot. Now she had to think about herself and her baby. Elliot's baby. Another sob choked back as she thought to the moment she saw him just after he'd found out about the baby, his baby, her baby, their baby.

Slowly she reached over for the buzzer to bring in a member of staff, she hoped that she was making the right decision.

The nurse came in within ten seconds of her hitting the small red alarm.

"Olivia what can I do for you?" She asked.

"Uh, I was wondering if Elliot Stabler was still here, I need to talk to him." She explained nervously.

"Is he family?" The nurse asked.

"Yeah, he's my next of kin and uh well he's the baby's father." She replied her voice cracking slightly.

Olivia smiled weakly as the door closed. She hoped Elliot wouldn't yell at her even though she knew that he was going to be furious with her. He was Catholic and suicide was a sin, attempted suicide was probably more of a sin because it was failing to complete what you'd set out to do.

She shook her head gently trying to rid her mind of those thoughts, she hadn't want to kill herself, the truth was she wasn't sure what was going through her mind at that moment when she picked up the razor blade and took out the blade, slowly dragging it along the inside of her wrist. She couldn't choke back this sob and as it passed her lips Elliot came into the room.

"Olivia." He sighed rushing over to her.

He slowly pulled her into his arms before sitting on the chair with her in his lap. He didn't know what to say to her and she wasn't in any state to talk so for now he just held her hoping it bought her some comfort.

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**68 Hours Remaining**

Elliot had just left to go and visit Olivia which raised Cragen and Huang's spirits just a little. Casey was asleep her head on Fin's lap and he was stroking her red hair as he stared off into the distance. Alex's head was resting on Munch's shoulder and his cheek was resting against her head, they were both fighting sleep too. Melinda was curled up under her coat with her eyes closed pretending to everyone that she was asleep when she definitely wasn't.

"You think Elliot and Olivia will talk this out?" Cragen asked Huang needing some confirmation that the two detectives were going to be alright.

"I think they'll talk, I can't tell you how it's going to go Don because I just don't know, they're both fragile and broken at the moment. I'll talk to Elliot and Olivia when they're done talking to each other." Huang replied knowing that both of them would need his support, he knew Olivia couldn't speak with any of the psychiatrists here because they didn't know her and Elliot in the way he did.

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**67 Hours Remaining**

Elliot had managed to calm Olivia down enough to start talking to her. She was a mess, he knew that, and seeing her bandaged wrists was just a constant reminder of what she'd done to herself.

"Why did you do this Liv?" He whispered eventually.

"I don't know Elliot." She replied her voice cracking and trembling.

"Did you want to die?" He asked her desperate to know.

"No! I don't know! Please don't El I don't want to talk about this." She sobbed.

"Ok it's ok baby I've got you." He whispered gently as he stroked her upper arm as she rubbed her head into the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry El, God I'm such a selfish bitch!" She cried.

"No you're not Liv baby you're sick, you've been sick for a while and none of us who saw it did anything about it." Elliot replied because he was definitely blaming himself for this.

"I don't know what I'd do without you El." She cried.

"I don't know what I'd do without you either Liv, when I heard you were in the hospital I almost died, hearing Fin on the phone saying attempted suicide, God Liv I thought I'd lost you." He finally cracked and broke out into wracked sobs which just made her worse.

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**66 Hours Remaining**

Cragen and Huang were the only two awake now which was nice for them as they could talk a little deeper without fear of being overheard.

"So it must be going well as he's still in there." Cragen said even though he sounded confident it was more hoping than anything.

"Yeah, it can only be a good sign Don. I just hope it doesn't make her worse." Huang sighed.

"What do you mean make her worse?" Cragen replied snapping his head towards the good psychiatrist.

"Well they're talking that's something but what happens if that talking doesn't lead to where they want it too, if he breaks her heart now she will never recover." Huang explained gently.

"She will recover, Liv is stronger than that." Again he sounded confident but it was more hoping than anything else.

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**65 Hours Remaining**

"Don't let go of me." Olivia said as Elliot climbed onto the tiny hospital bed.

"Never ever again." He replied firmly as he wrapped his arms around her feeling her swollen abdomen containing their baby. "As soon as you're out of here Liv, you and me are getting on a plane and going away, Cragen can manage without us for a few weeks."

"Few weeks?" Olivia asked in surprise.

"Well at least a week but I think you and I need to make our relationship work before we both get lost completely, just these few hours not knowing what was going on between us was killing me Olivia, what do you think will happen to me if we don't get our acts together and admit what we've been running from for all these years?"

"I'm sorry. A holiday is exactly what we need, a week two hell even three." Olivia replied snuggling into Elliot as much as she could.

"Come on Liv, get some sleep and the hours will pass even quicker." Elliot replied rubbing his cheek into hers.

"Yeah, sleep."

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**61 Hours Remaining**

Cragen slowly woke up to find that everyone around him were awake. He wasn't sure how or when he'd finally fallen asleep but he was surprised that it was gone nine am. Elliot was back in his seat looking much more relaxed than he had done before going to see Olivia.

"Hey Stabler how is she?" Don asked as he sat up a little straighter.

"She's ok ... I think." He shrugged, she wasn't really ok, not yet anyway.

"She better?" Don asked needing something more.

"Getting there Cap, she was ok when the nurse kicked me out an hour ago." Elliot chuckled.

Everyone was startled by a loud bang followed by Olivia's yells.

"I'm not twelve!" They heard.

Huang and Elliot were the ones who ran into the room. They found Olivia kneeling on the bed with tears running down her cheeks and the wall opposite covered in bright red paint.

"Liv?" Elliot asked as he rushed to her side managing to dodge the pot of blue poster paint she flung quickly followed by the green one.

"Liv!" Elliot yelled getting her attention.

"What?" she snapped.

"What are you doing?" he asked seeing that she was very worked up.

"They wanted me to paint them a fucking picture!" She yelled before throwing the last pot of paint, a lovely summery yellow colour.

Elliot chuckled lightly at her reaction, it was very Benson.

"It's called art therapy Olivia." Huang sighed coming over to the side of the bed as the nurses grabbed the paint brushes and paper from the table and moved them out of the way.

They then grabbed her and Huang quickly grabbed Elliot and pulled him out of the way knowing what the nurses were doing. Olivia yelled and fought against them as much as she could but six nurses against a fatigued fifteen week pregnant woman lost Olivia the fight.

"What are they doing?" Elliot yelled in frustration.

"They're restraining her to make sure she can't hurt herself or anyone else." Huang explained.

"She's not going to hurt anyone George, she's just pissed! Stop them!" Elliot yelled but Huang managed to pull him away and lead him outside into the corridor. "Why didn't you fucking stop them?" Elliot screamed even though Cragen, Munch and Fin were stood right there.

"Come on Stabler calm down." Fin said cupping his hand over the man's shoulder.

"No I won't fucking calm down I've just watched six nurses pin Olivia down and slap restraints on her because she threw a few fucking pain points!" Elliot yelled not realising how ridiculous what he was saying sounded.

"Paint?" Munch asked in surprise.

"Yeah paint, they wanted her to fucking paint a picture of course she was going to flip out!" Elliot continued ranting.

"Olivia never understood the art of grin and bear it did she?" Cragen chuckled as the nurses finally left the room with their hands full of paint covered tissues making the group chuckle.

"Now I'm going to see how Olivia is." Elliot spat before turning around to go into the room only to be stopped by Huang's hand on his shoulder.

"You can't go in there yet Elliot, she needs to calm down." Huang explained.

"Need's to calm down? Need's to calm fucking down?" Elliot repeated his anger reaching boiling point. "She was just asked to paint a fucking picture of course she was going to lose her temper wouldn't anyone? She need's her best friend and the father of her child, that's what she needs!" Elliot snapped before marching into the room.

He didn't expect to see Olivia sobbing uncontrollably with her wrists and ankles bound. It broke his heart, this wasn't the Olivia Benson he knew, it wasn't Olivia Benson at all. She was lost somewhere in her own mind and he was damn sure going to bring her back to him, doesn't matter what it took.

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**60 Hours Remaining**

Cragen ran his hand over his face, it didn't help that he was completely shattered but hearing that Olivia had to be restrained sickened him, he wanted to do something about it. Slowly he got out of his seat and made his way towards Olivia's room. He held the handle and took a deep breath bracing himself for what he was about to see.

"It's still Olivia in there you know." Huang said from behind him.

"I know." Don nodded knowing that he was overreacting.

"She might be glad to see you." Huang reassured knowing that even though Olivia had denied wanting to see her friends and family that seeing them and seeing that they supported her would help her in the long run.

"I know." He replied before finally opening the door and going inside, glad that Huang didn't follow him.

What he saw broke his heart. Olivia was crying, her body trembling with wracked sobs while Elliot leant over her and whispered sweet nothings to her and stroked her perspiration filled brow.

Slowly he made his way over to them and went to the other side of the bed. Olivia was still restrained and he was dying to take them off but knew better than to interfere with the hospital policy. Elliot's eyes met Cragen's but he didn't stop what he was doing before looking straight back at Olivia who was trying to stop crying.

"I'm sorry." She cried looking up at Elliot as she finally stopped convulsing with cries.

"Stop apologising Liv." Elliot replied dropping a gentle kiss onto her forehead.

"I know but I am sorry Elliot I really am." She whispered as she tried to swallow back more tears.

"I know baby, please stop apologising and just get better for me." He whispered as Cragen finally took a hold of Olivia's other hand.

Her head quickly snapped towards him, she hadn't seen or heard him come into the room.

"Cap?" She croaked.

"It's me Olivia." He whispered trying to choke back the tears that were threatening to spill.

"I'm sorry." She whispered her eyes latching onto his.

Cragen swallowed hard and stole a glance towards Elliot.

"Elliot's right Liv, you need to stop apologising." Cragen replied as he stroked his thumb across her hand.

She just nodded before breaking out into more convulsing sobs just to be comforted by the two most important men in her life.

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**58 hours remaining**

Elliot and Cragen finally walked back into the waiting room where everyone was sitting talking and eating. Huang passed them both a sandwich and a coffee which they were both relieved to find still warm.

"How is she?" He asked as the two men sat down.

The whole room went quiet as they waited to hear how she was doing.

"Sleeping now." Cragen replied. "Yet how anyone can sleep with the wrists and ankles bound is another thing."

"She cried herself to sleep." Elliot explained to everyone. "She doesn't belong here and as soon as the seventy two hour are up I am taking her away, just me and her for a break."

"That might not be the best thing for her Elliot." George replied quickly.

"It is what's best for her, it's what she wants." Elliot snapped, he wasn't in the mood to have the psychiatrist tell him what was best for Olivia, that was his decision to make.

"She needs her friends and family around her Elliot, she needs a support system and stability." Huang explained further.

"Support and stability is exactly what she is going to get from me, I have already discussed it with Don, we're going for two weeks up to his cabin, if she decides she doesn't want to be there of deteriorates I'll bring her straight home but a break is what the both of us need right now George, don't tell me how to look after Olivia, I know her more than anyone else does and I know this is what she needs a bit of RandR time."

"Ok." Huang nodded knowing it was better not to argue with Elliot when he had his mind set on something, he'd just have to make sure that this is really what Olivia wanted.

"Guys you don't have to stay here you know." Elliot sighed looking around at his friends.

"We're not going anywhere so can it Stabler." Fin snapped, he'd been expecting this.

"Ok, I'm just saying, she will appreciate this though, I know I do." He whispered the last bit but it was loud enough for everyone to hear.

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**56 Hours Remaining**

"El?" Olivia slowly opened her eyes. "Elliot!" She yelled seeing that she was on her own, she tried to sit up but was forced straight back down by the restraints on her. "Shit." She spat angrily.

Elliot had heard her though and rushed back in.

"Hey you're awake." He smiled rushing over to the side of the bed.

"I thought you left me." She whispered blinking back fresh tears.

"Never." He replied kissing her forehead.

"El?" She asked as her eyes met his. "Could you go to my apartment and get me some clothes, I really would like to get out of this fucking gown." She hissed angrily, she couldn't believe she'd been restrained to the bed in no more than a thin hospital gown and she was freezing.

"Ok anything in particular?" He asked.

"No just clothes and uh maybe you could bring me some pyjamas and my robe if you don't mind." She replied.

"Ok no problem, you want me to go now?" He asked.

"Yeah and uh is uh is George still here?" She asked weakly.

"Yeah want me to send him in?"

She just nodded and accepted a light kiss on her forehead before her eyes followed him out of the room.

She rolled her head so she was looking at the roof and closed her eyes. She wondered if Elliot was only there because of what she had done or was he genuinely there for her, for always as he had promised.

When the door opened she didn't flinch, she knew who it was and as he approached the bed she slowly turned her head towards him and gave him a welcoming smile.

"Hey George." She grinned.

"Calmer now?" He asked as he arrived the side of the bed going straight for the restraints, he'd never agreed with manual restraints but understood that with Olivia they couldn't drug her with her being pregnant so this was their only option.

"Awww." She groaned as she moved her arms and legs properly for the first time in hours.

"Feel better?" he asked as Olivia sat up and pulled the blanket from the end of the bed.

"Much, thank you." She smiled as she wrapped the blanket around herself before relaxing into the cushions.

"Ok so you wanna talk?" He asked as she let out a gentle sigh.

"Nothing to talk about, I just didn't want to be alone." She replied being honest with him knowing it would be better for her in the long run.

"Ok, how about we talk about you throwing paint across the room. Wanna tell me what you were thinking then?" He asked knowing they had to talk about it.

"I was thinking that I am not crazy and I am not twelve so why on earth would they ask me to paint a fucking picture." She spat, she still wasn't over that.

"Ok so you're not a fan of art therapy then." Huang laughed gently.

"Oh I am, just for crazy people or children not for a forty one year old pregnant cop." She hissed.

"That's fine Olivia, what made you decide to throw the paint though?" He asked trying not to laugh at how she'd folded her arms and pouted like a child would.

"One of the nurses said they'd leave the paint in case I changed my mind, I said I wouldn't change my mind and asked her to move the paint before I threw them away. She said I wouldn't so such a thing ..."

"So you proved her wrong huh?" He laughed gently, he couldn't help himself, Olivia was definitely much more herself.

"Exactly, she shouldn't have challenged me." Olivia said before biting her bottom lip and laughing.

"What's funny?" Huang asked her unsure whether she was finding the same thing funny as he had.

"I told her I wasn't twelve and then acted just like a twelve year old would... Jesus George I had a fucking temper tantrum." She laughed, it was a heartier laugh, much like her normal laugh which he suddenly found relaxing him a little.

"Well that's fair enough, I think we're all entitled to act a little childishly sometimes." Huang smiled, he was relieved to see Olivia acting like her old self.

She smiled at him and then sat up right once again, she played with the edge of the blanket nervously and he could see something was on her mind.

"What is it Liv?" He asked using her nickname with a hope that she could see he didn't always have to be the shrink.

"Umm, do you think uh someone could get me uh some custard donuts? I'm having a really bad craving for them." She laughed nervously while George Huang broke out into a grin.

"Anything else you're craving because I think there are some very eager people who would get you whatever it was you wanted in the hopes of helping you feel better." Huang smiled thinking of the people in the waiting room.

"Chocolate milk." She smirked.

"Custard donuts and chocolate milk it is." He smiled. "You ok while I go and send someone?"

"Yeah. Can you ask Don to come in?" She was happy to see him now he'd seen her in her gown and in restraints.

"Of course." He smiled before heading for the door.

"George..."

"Yeah?" He asked turning back to face her.

"Tell everyone that I'll see them once I'm in my own clothes." She told him knowing that it would make them all feel a bit more confident that she hadn't completely lost it.

"I can do that." He smiled before finally leaving the room.

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**54 Hours Remaining**

With Elliot getting Olivia some clothing, Munch and Fin hunting down donuts and chocolate milk, Cragen talking with Olivia and Huang gone to talk with Olivia's doctors Melinda, Alex and Casey finally had some freedom to talk amongst themselves.

"She's going to be alright isn't she?" Alex started.

"Of course she is Lex, come on its Liv she's like the toughest woman we know." Casey replied even though she was unsure.

"I'm no psychiatrist guys but the fact that she wants a change of clothes and is craving donuts makes me think she's going to be just fine." Melinda interjected, it was at least what she was hoping anyway.

"Yeah, she's got it tough, I didn't know pregnancy could cause someone to have a psychotic attack." Alex sighed, she'd read lots of baby books with her desperate want to be a mother but she hadn't come across anything like this.

"Well there isn't any scientific proof about what causes psychotic breaks, there's no proof it was the pregnancy that caused Olivia's. She's had such a terrible time with Elliot fucking her and leaving her and her job and then the pregnancy, we could blame a lot of things." Melinda explained hoping that what was going on with Olivia wouldn't put any of her friends off becoming parents.

"So what you're saying is this could have happened even if Olivia didn't get pregnant?" Casey asked her heart beating fast.

"Absolutely, you could wake up tomorrow and go into a psychotic state Casey, it's not the same as eating healthy to avoid heart failure." Melinda explained further.

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**53 hours remaining**

Elliot was the first to return. Olivia had never been so relieved to see a bag of her own clothes ever before in her life as she did now.

"Thank you." She smiled wrapping her arms around his neck as Cragen excused himself so she could get changed.

Elliot helped her into a clean set of pyjamas and he even combed her hair to make her feel a little better about herself. She wrapped herself up in her robe just in time for a knock at the door.

"We've got custard donuts and chocolate milk." Munch grinned coming into the room.

"Oh my God have I ever told you how much I love you?" Olivia asked looking at both Munch and Fin who placed the items in front of her on the bed.

"Nope." Fin smiled. "You're looking good Liv."

"I feel good Fin." Olivia smiled as she opened one of the donut boxes.

"Good, because we can't wait for you to get out of here." Fin smiled as Olivia dug into her first donut.

"Oh so good!" She moaned savouring the flavour.

"I think we've just made her happy Munch." Fin grinned.

"I have to agree with you there, if I knew this is all it took to make a woman happy I'd buy Alex them every day." Munch laughed.

"Alex doesn't like custard donuts." Olivia smirked through a mouthful.

"I know Liv and can you not talk while you've got a mouthful please?"

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**Next chapter, the rest of the hours.**


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**...On with the show!**

**Ok so guys some of you will hate what I'm going to do with this story others will love it but it's going to make you think one thing and then change to something else in the next chapter from chapter to chapter so don't think you actually know what's going to happen till it happens. **

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**48 hours remaining**

**OLIVIA'S thoughts**

I'm alone again. I've been alone my whole life really but now I'm alone in this god forsaken hospital room because I'm a psychotic crazy cow ... no I'm not ... am I?

I'm conflicted, do I think I'm crazy? No. Do I feel crazy? Yes. That's the truth. I feel like I'm crazy or going crazy or something. God this is madness, I've never felt like this ever in my life.

I think of Elliot, yes, he has some form of calming influence on me, he always has. I love him, God I love him so much that it hurts, the thought of not having him in my life hurts.

This baby ... he gave me this baby, stroking my hands across this small bump *sigh*... I never thought that my baby would ever be Elliot's baby, to be honest, I thought I'd never be a mother.

Psychosis. The word itself sounds crazy so I'm not surprised they use it to describe what happened to me. I can't even begin to comprehend what was going through my mind when I broke that razor. Did I want it to be over? Did I really want to die?

I can't actually remember what happened. I've tried to. I've tried God damn hard to figure out what happened when I got in the bath tub. I remember running it, I remember taking the sleeping pills thinking by the time I was out of the bath they'd have kicked in. I remember lying back and I remember crying. That's when I picked up the blade, it was to shave my legs at first. But then when I was playing with it in my hands ... when I twirled it around my fingers ... something ... something was going through my mind but what? What the hell was it?

*sigh* I feel so tired, so exhausted, but I don't want to sleep. Not yet anyhow. I want Elliot ... God Elliot! Why did I let that night happen? Why did I let him into my bed and why on earth did I tell him that I loved him ... love him?

Holiday. Me and Elliot on holiday in Don Cragen's cabin ... I wonder if he'd mind if I asked for separate rooms because I really think that we need to work whatever we are slowly ... but in saying that having him in the same bed as me with his arms around me earlier made me feel so safe, so secure, I don't think I'd want to be alone in bed when he'd be happy to keep me company. I just don't know if there is an 'us' and if 'us' will work. Darn I wish it does.

I'm going to give in to sleep now, it's nearly midnight according to the clock on the wall and the more I sleep, the more time passes and the sooner I can get out of here.

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**40 Hours Remaining. **

"Hey here drink this." Fin said as he handed Elliot a cup of steaming coffee.

"Thanks." Elliot smiled feeling very grateful to the detective that he once was on such bad terms with, it was hard to think he was the same guy now.

"So when will they let you in to see her again?" Fin asked trying to make some conversation.

"In an hour, she's having breakfast and they won't let me in until she's eaten." Elliot sighed. "Do they not realise she's more likely to eat if I'm there?"

"Hey come on she'll be fine, she will eat because of the baby Stabler." Fin reassured him.

"She wasn't thinking of the baby when she took sleeping pills and slashed her wrists." Elliot snapped angrily. "Shit sorry Fin."

"Don't worry about it, you're allowed to lash out Stabler just don't hold this against her, she got sick, in the same way some people get the flu she got psychosis, it happens mate." Fin understood Elliot's anger and frustration and he was glad he was letting some of it out because if it built then there could be trouble, he just hoped that the hot head detective wasn't saying any of this to Olivia because then he'd have to do something about it.

"I just ... I can't get my head around it you know, she's Liv, strong badass Benson and to see her crumbling like this Fin ... it's killing me." Elliot sighed, he trusted Fin enough to really open up or at least open up a little.

"Elliot, it's ok, Cragen's so chopped up about this that he wants all of us to have a sit down with Huang, he's even ordered Huang to talk to someone about it and told the girls that they should sit down with Huang or a psychiatrist of their choice." Fin explained.

"That bad huh?" Elliot sighed. "Don't tell Olivia, she doesn't need the guilt too."

"Her Daddy said that too." Fin chuckled softly while Elliot cracked a grin.

"Detective Stabler?" Olivia's nurse smiled from the door way.

"Yeah?" Elliot jumped to his feet and hurried over.

"She's ready to see you."

Elliot nodded and walked out the door only to feel the nurse's hand on his shoulder.

"What?" Elliot asked knowing she wanted to say something.

"She's adamant that she doesn't want to join in any therapy sessions and doesn't talk to our psych, the one that evaluated her when she first came in. Maybe you could persuade her?" The nurse smiled softly and Elliot suppressed a chuckle at the thought of him persuading Olivia to join in therapy, she would wonder what had happened to Elliot Stabler.

"Listen Olivia will talk to Doctor Huang, and therapy? She's complying enough to get through the psych hold and that's it, trying to pursued her to do something she doesn't want to do is just not going to help." Elliot explained as gently as he could, he didn't want to lose his temper with the nurse.

She nodded and Elliot could see that she was thinking about something.

"What?" Elliot asked knowing she was going to come out with it eventually and sooner would be better than later.

"There's a woman ... on the ward ... she'd six months pregnant, and has bipolar disorder, she was doing really well with the illness without medication because of the pregnancy until the father of the child walked out on her and she had a psychotic break." The nurse explained.

"And?" Elliot asked impatiently.

"She slit her wrists." The nurse replied.

"So what do you want from Liv?" Elliot continued.

"Her nurse and me were talking, and we thought maybe it would be a good idea for them to talk to each other, might help them both." The nurse explained further.

"Listen. Firstly, Olivia's baby's dad is standing right in front of you, he's not up and left her and he's not planning on." Elliot was visibly furious. "Secondly, that woman has a diagnosed mental illness, Olivia just had a moment of madness, she's fine, she's not mad or insane or anything else and I don't like it that you're implying that she is."

"I'm sorry, it was just a suggestion Detective." The nurse replied visibly frightened by Elliot's reaction and she quickly walked off leaving Elliot to walk the rest of the way to Olivia's room.

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**39 Hours Remaining**

Huang and Cragen sat side by side in the waiting room. Fin had gone with Munch to get something to eat and the women had gone for a few hours sleep.

"How are you holding up Don?" Huang asked gently.

"You shrinking me George?" Cragen asked.

"I'm trying not to, and trying to be just a friend." George replied with a slight smile.

"I'm fine, I'm just worried about Olivia ..." He didn't get to finish his sentence as Olivia's voice echoed from her room.

"Have you completely lost your mind Elliot?" They heard before rushing to the room and bursting in.

Olivia was stood in her jeans and jumper by the small window of the room. Elliot was stood closer to the door.

"I've lost it? I'm not the one who took sleeping pills and slashed my wrists!" Elliot yelled back.

"Don't you fucking dare Elliot! Don't you dare!" She screamed.

"Hit a nerve did I?" Elliot yelled as Olivia threw an empty plastic bottle at him. "Oh look Olivia loses her temper and throws the toys out of the pram no surprises there!"

"You're one son of a bitch you know that?" Olivia yelled back she was visibly furious and Huang and Don could only hope that they'd give away what had caused the argument.

"I'm a son of a bitch? At least I'm not a self centred selfish cow!" Elliot yelled right back.

The yelling had captured the attention of the nurses and orderlies who had come rushing in and started to restrain Olivia.

"Get the fuck off me!" She screamed more in fear than anger.

"Calm down Ms Benson!" Olivia's nurse called.

Elliot looked at Huang and Cragen. The fear was in their eyes too as Olivia burst out in tears.

"Please stop!" Elliot called. "We were arguing she's not having some sort of breakdown!"

"He's right!" Huang replied knowing that the more they tried to restrain Olivia the more she was going to fight and the more damage she could do to herself and her baby.

She suddenly stopped fighting and held herself in one position making it difficult for them to try and move her but to show that she was calm. Huang couldn't help but crack a smile, she was good at what she did.

"Are you ok?" Olivia's nurse asked.

"I'm fine, I would like to continue arguing with my so called partner though!" She spat.

"We can't let you do that Olivia." She whispered as she slowly brushed the hair that had glued onto Olivia's perspiration filled forehead.

"Then get him out of here." Olivia hissed.

One look from the nurse to Elliot had him leaving the room without an argument. As soon as the door shut behind him Olivia let out a frustrated sigh.

"You can let me go now." Olivia whispered and the nurses and orderlies stepped back and once they'd all looked her over once they left her with Don Cragen and George Huang.

She turned away and looked out the window. She didn't want to begin explaining to them what had started the argument between herself and Elliot, she just wanted to get through the next forty hours so she could leave. However, she knew that they wouldn't leave her without an explanation.

"Sorry." She whispered.

They heard her and shared a knowing look, she had nothing to apologise for. She didn't turn back as a tear slowly slipped down her cheek and she made no attempt to stop it.

"Liv why where you fighting?" Cragen asked walking to her and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"He thought I should leave special victims, that it had become too much." She said in a broken whisper.

"Do you think it's become too much?"

"Why do you think I should leave?" Olivia gasped turning to look at him.

"I don't know Liv, I don't want you to leave." Cragen reassured her, he wanted to make sure that she didn't think she was being pushed out.

"But you think it's getting too much for me." She sighed heavily.

"No. I don't Liv. But if you think it's gotten too much ..."

"I don't." She snapped. "It's not too much at all, I love my job Captain, every time we put a rapist, or a child killer away ... it's all worth it you know. Being at the precinct, with everyone ... we're a family Cap and I love you all so much and I don't want to leave SVU." She sighed heavily.

"Then you don't leave Liv." Cragen smiled gently. "You know what's best for you Livia, you're the only person who can make the decision, as long as your psych eval comes back ok you can have your gun back ..."

"Psych eval?" Olivia's head snapped towards Cragen.

"Liv ... you attempted suicide, you're suspended until Huang clears you to come back and that's minimum a week, but if you and Elliot are still going away for a break then you can take that time to really think things through." Cragen explained.

"Yeah I guess." Olivia nodded, she hadn't thought of suspension and psych evals. "I want to go up to the cabin Cap but ... I don't want to go with Elliot."

"What d'ya mean Liv?" Cragen asked frowning slightly with confusion.

"I need a break, from SVU from Elliot." She sighed she hated admitting out loud that she needed to get away.

"Liv?" Cragen whispered getting her to turn to him. "You know the doctors have said they won't release you if you don't have someone to stay with you, I can't let you go to the cabin alone ..." Olivia closed her eyes as she tried to stop herself from crying. "...let me take a week with you. I won't get in your way, but I'll be there if you need me." He explained as he dropped his hand onto her arm.

She turned her head away, she felt so ashamed that she wasn't even able to take a week alone.

"Olivia..." Huang sighed stepping forward having seen the shame on her face.

"What?" She asked her voice crackling with the cries that were coming closer to breaking.

"Don't be ashamed." He told her, his voice was soft but it was firm.

"Why? Why can't I feel ashamed? Why shouldn't I when I can't leave the hospital without a babysitter because everyone is so convinced that I tried to kill myself!" She yelled the sobs breaking out with her fury.

"Did you try to kill yourself?" Huang asked point blankly.

"No! Why can't people accept that?" Olivia cried. "I'd never ... I wouldn't... please listen..." She cried and Cragen pulled her into his arms and she wrapped her arms around him and dropped her head onto his shoulder as she cried.

"Leave us." He whispered to George who nodded and quickly left the two alone.

As Cragen held the girl he considered a daughter he allowed his own suppressed tears to slowly and silently slip down his cheek.

"It's ok Liv, let it all out." He whispered as her body shook with violent sobs.

"I didn't ... I swear..." She hiccupped.

"I know." He replied, and he wasn't lying, he did know that she hadn't tried to kill herself.

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**37 Hours Remaining**

Cragen had managed to persuade Olivia to get into bed and she'd finally cried herself into an uneasy sleep. He sat beside her and clutched her hand, it was killing him seeing her like this, this wasn't Olivia Benson, not the Olivia Benson he knew and loved anyhow. However, he was fearful. Fearful that 'his' Olivia was gone and gone for good, even though Huang had said once she'd relaxed and recuperated that she'd probably be ok, he couldn't help but be scared that she wouldn't be.

He heard a slight knock on the door and he turned his head in time to see Huang walk in.

"I just wanted to see how you both were, you've been in here two hours." Huang explained as he walked towards the bed.

"She's finally resting." Cragen replied turning back to Olivia. "She needs to rest."

"Yeah she does, but so do you Don."

"I'll rest when she's rested." He replied as he gazed over Olivia's sleeping figure, even asleep she didn't look herself, she didn't look at all peaceful.

"Are you really considering going up to the cabin with her?" Huang asked as he placed a seat beside Cragen's.

"Considering? I've already decided that I am. She needs this George, it may be a little awkward at first but I will stay out of her way, I'm just going to be there if she needs me. She'll have all the space she needs and there's the lake that she can take a walk around, she can really have time to think you know." Cragen explained quietly.

"Ok, maybe it will do you some good too Don. You deserve a break too and maybe you and Olivia can bond a little more you know... on a personal level. I already know you consider her a daughter Don, it will just be like a family vacation."

Don chuckled a little at the thought, a family vacation, just what they needed.

"How do you think Elliot will take the news?" Cragen asked after a few moments silence.

"I think he'll be disappointed but I also think he'll understand that Olivia needs to think. She has to think about her and her baby now, she's the only one that can make the decision about what happens next." Huang explained. "But would appreciate it if you'd talk with me before you go, just so that I can be reassured that you can handle this next week alone."

"Well do it now then, I'm not leaving her side until she puts her head down for the night and that will only be to pack for us both." Don explained.

"Ok, what do you remember from going into Olivia's apartment the night this happened?" Cragen asked.

"Blood." Cragen replied. "The bath water ... was red."

"What was going through your mind?"

"That ..." He sighed deeply. "That I'd lost her before I told her."

"Told her what Don?" George asked both men unaware that Olivia was beginning to wake and was trying to listen to what was being said.

"Before I told her how much she really means to me."

Both of them were too caught up in the conversation to see the small smile that appeared on Olivia's face. Maybe the week they would spend together would allow her to tell him how much he meant to her too.

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**A few more hours left before the holiday. **


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**...On with the show!**

**I am loving how much some of y'all are hating Liv's behaviour don't worry though you'll understand it as some point in this story. **

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**33 hours remaining**

Elliot sat beside Olivia's bed looking up at her. She was nervous, of that he could tell. She twiddled with the edge of the tin blanket as she contemplated what she was about to tell him in her head. He knew it was serious, Don and George had gone and told him that she wanted to talk but that he had to remain calm and listen to everything she had to say before reacting, he just hoped whatever it was wouldn't shock him into overreacting, because it didn't matter how angry and frustrated he'd been with what she had done, he still loved her and she was still carrying his child.

"Well?" He sighed leaning forward a little hoping he wasn't acting in a threatening manner.

"Please don't be mad with what I'm about to tell you El." She whispered trying to keep her voice steady, she was genuinely fearful of how he was going to react.

"I can't say I won't be mad Liv, but I won't bite your head off, I'll listen to everything you have to say." He replied gently reaching over for her hand.

She let him take it and smiled weakly as he gave the limb a reassuring squeeze.

"So what's all this about?" Elliot asked.

"You know you said we needed a break." She began, Elliot nodded gently. "You're right, but I really ... again don't get mad El but I really think we need a break from each other. I'm going up to the Cabin but I'm going with Cragen it's his idea and I think it will be a good way for me to clear my head. He's basically coming so I have a babysitter but I need ... please understand that I need time to think Elliot." She didn't look at him as she spoke, she was so scared that he was going to freak out with her.

"You know Liv I think you're right, so much has happened, it's not changed how I feel for you Liv, I still love you with every ounce of my being but a break and some time apart may do us some good." Elliot smiled giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"I love you too El, I've never stopped loving you but I feel so lost as the moment and I don't want to promise myself and everything just to get cold feet and run." She explained softly.

"I know Liv." He smiled before standing up and leaning into her.

She grinned as he dropped a chaste kiss onto her lips before heading out the door, she knew he was just a little bit angry at what she'd decided but he'd accepted it and for now she could live with that.

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**31 Hours Remaining**

Olivia was alone again. She wasn't angry, she wasn't sad the only term she could find to describe how she felt was numb. Numb at the thought that she could have killed herself and her baby. She let out a compressed sigh and rolled onto her side. She wasn't tired but she wished she could sleep. Sleep passed the time and right now she wanted the time to pass as quickly as it possibly could.

A knock on the door had her closing her eyes and pretending to sleep though, she didn't know why she did it but she wasn't in the mood for visitors, mainly she wasn't in the mood to talk to Elliot.

"Liv?" It was Huang and she opened her eyes in time to see him approaching the bed.

"Hey." She smiled as she pushed herself to sitting.

"I knew you weren't really asleep, I was hoping we could talk." He explained his reason for being there even though Olivia already had guessed.

"Sure." She nodded.

"If you want, there's a nice bright room down the hall that we could go to, it would probably be easier to talk there than here." He explained gently and she nodded and climbed out of the bed, pulling on her slippers in the process.

They walked to the room in silence. Olivia could tell instantly that it was a therapy room with it's bright white walls and comfortable looking arm chairs. There were potted plants dotted all around the room and large filing cabinet which Olivia guessed held details about the patients, she wondered if there was one for her in there as she was only on a psych hold.

She sat down and made herself comfortable. She knew Huang was watching her every move and shrinking every action she made so she avoided looking at him opting instead to play with the hem of her jumper.

"So how are you feeling?" Huang asked breaking the uncomfortable silence that had been almost deafening to the ears.

"Better." She sighed. "Much better."

"How much have you been thinking about what happened?" He continued, he knew Olivia wanted this to be over as quickly as possible so he wasn't going to drag it out to spite her.

"Too much." She replied. "I've been trying to make sense of it all and it doesn't help."

"Livia, this isn't something you can make sense of... when someone like yourself has a psychotic break it's easy enough to try and make sense of it. Try and see what caused it but most of the time there isn't a cause, there isn't a reason, sometimes the brain just says enough is enough."

"But what if there was a reason?" She whispered willing herself not to cry.

"What do you mean?" He frowned a little, she had been thinking about it a lot and had probably come up with a reason.

"I keep thinking about what happened between me and Elliot." She explained a little more but it didn't help Huang so he stayed silent knowing she didn't need to be pushed to finish what she had began saying.

"I keep thinking that if that hadn't happened then this wouldn't have. I've been so consumed by guilt, for what I did to Kathy and the children, his kids are going to hate me George, absolutely hate me and I don't want my kid to know that he or she has siblings who hate them because Mommy was a slut." Olivia became angrier the more she spoke.

"Do you think you're a slut?" Huang asked quiet taken aback by what she'd said.

"Yes. I slept with a married man, my married partner George, the one man in my life who is so completely off limits in more way than one." She hissed.

"And you think that makes you a slut?" Huang questioned.

"Yes." Olivia replied simply. "Yes it does and don't argue with me over it because it's a fact."

"Ok why don't you explain to me exactly what happened between you and Elliot for you to end up sleeping together."

"I already did that." She sighed. "In Cragen's office when you found out he was my baby's dad."

"I don't think you were being completely honest with me Olivia, that's why I'm asking." He explained and she grinned weakly at him.

"You always knew when I was lying." She laughed a little and shook her head.

"Exactly, so tell me what happened." He smiled and she nodded.

"I never told him that I loved him." She said simply.

"I don't ..."

"When we were in bed, before we had sex, we told you and Don that it didn't happen till after we both said that we loved each other but that's not true, I never said anything back to him."

Huang nodded and watched as her eyes filled with tears.

"I don't know if I do love him." She sighed. "How do you know if you love someone?"

"I don't know Liv, but why don't you tell me what you do feel when you think of Elliot?" He suggested, he knew Olivia wasn't just in love with Elliot but head over heels in love with him, everyone knew but her evidently.

"I ... I don't know, I think I love him but I don't know George, I'd give my life for him and the thought of living my life without him kills me, I couldn't do this job... I couldn't live life without him." She explained. "And I hate him for it because it makes me so weak and vulnerable and I don't know which hurts the most needing him so much or wanting him so much."

Huang smiled, she definitely loved him.

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**29 Hours Remaining**

In the waiting room Elliot, Munch and Fin sat together consumed by silence. Each one wanted to say something but weren't sure what was the right thing to say in the situation. Olivia didn't have long left in the hospital and of that they were all pleased but they also knew she had a long road ahead of her, she would feel like she had to prove herself to them all which wasn't easy to do with her being pregnant.

"You think Liv will take time off after the holiday?" Munch finally broke the silence with the question plaguing all of their minds.

"If I have anything to do about it she won' t be back till after our baby is born." Elliot snapped earning him two very disgusted looks from Munch and Fin.

"She's her own woman Stabler, she'll make the decision herself." Fin hissed, he wasn't going to let Elliot be controlling over Olivia as that was the last thing she needed.

"It's just..."

"Don't Elliot." He warned. "She won't be allowed her gun back without a thorough psych eval and Cragen won't let her back if he isn't satisfied that she's ready."

"You're right, I'm just ... never mind." He sighed and got up not wanting to carry on this conversation any longer.

"You're scared Elliot." Munch said causing Elliot's head to snap towards him and a snarl play on his lips. "It's ok to say it cause we all are."

"Yeah, fine, I'm scared alright." Elliot snapped before walking out the door.

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**28 Hours Remaining**

Olivia lay back in the bed with her eyes closed. She wasn't asleep but the awkward silence that had been between herself and Cragen had been annoying her and so she found it easier to fake sleep than try and make light conversation.

"I know you're not asleep Liv." Cragen smiled after a while.

Her eyes flickered open and a smiled played on her lips.

"Sorry." She whispered suppressing a giggle.

"It's ok Olivia. I was just wondering if you wanted anything to eat, the girls are on their way to see you so I thought I'd make myself scarce." He explained.

"Oh umm, no I'm good." She smiled.

"How about my Grandbaby?" He asked. "The rookie craving anything?"

Olivia chuckled lightly as her hands stroked over her tiny bump.

"Go on." He smiled knowing she was thinking something.

"Cream filled puff pastry." She laughed.

"Ok, I'll see you in a couple of hours with your puff pastry." He smiled and stood up before leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on her head.

"Thank you." She smiled as he stepped away allowing her to sink back into the pillow.

Almost as soon as the door closed it opened again to reveal Melinda, Alex and Casey.

"Hey." Olivia smiled weakly, she hadn't spoken to them since she'd been admitted into the hospital.

The three of them rushed over to her and almost dived on top of her and they held each other tight. All four of them cried together, a release they all needed.

"I'm sorry." Olivia sobbed as her friends held her tight.

"I'm sure you've already been told to stop apologising." Alex giggled through her cries.

"Yeah." Olivia sniffed.

"Not long now Liv and you can get out of here." Melinda smiled as the others released Olivia but she pulled her tighter.

"I know." Olivia nodded. "The only thing keeping me sane ... wait can I really use that word now?" She laughed and the others did too knowing she must be better to crack jokes like that.

"So what is it keeping you sane?" Casey spluttered through her laughter.

"Counting down the hours!" She managed still laughing.

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**24 Hours Remaining**

Olivia was asleep while Don Cragen, George Huang and Elliot hung around in the visitors' room.

"You think everything will be alright when she leaves here?" Elliot asked Huang seriously.

"I think she's going to be ok Elliot, she's going to be a little uncertain for a few days, of herself and of Don." Huang replied honestly, he didn't want to worry Elliot but he didn't want to lie to him either.

"What do you mean uncertain of me?" Don asked his brow furrowed in confusion.

"I wanted to talk to you before you left, alone, but if you don't mind ..."

"I don't mind Elliot being here, just tell me!" Cragen snapped, he was tired and Huang knew this so didn't take it personally.

"Be ready for a lot of arguments especially day two and three of your holiday." Huang began.

"Why?" Cragen asked wanting him to just get on with it and explain.

"The first day she's going to be weary of herself and of you, your actions towards her, your behaviour, your conversations, she's going to analyse them all. By the second day she's going to be frustrated at you, the fact that you're caring for her, that you're keeping an eye on her and making sure she's ok, she's going to be absolutely convinced that you don't trust her and that you think she's suicidal and belongs on the psych ward." Huang explained openly.

"So you think she's going to fight me on it?" Cragen swallowed hard, he didn't want to argue and fight with Olivia, he wanted to take care of her and his grandchild.

Huang just nodded, he didn't like knowing how hard the first few days of their holiday was going to be but he'd seen it all too often.

"That's why I think you should go for two weeks. Because half the holiday is going to be over by the time you stop fighting and if you really want her to open up to you then you need to build her up, build up your relationship with her." Huang continued.

Cragen just nodded, he had plenty of leave to take from work and he knew Munch could manage fine without him, the problem was going to be keeping Olivia in the cabin for two weeks. He wasn't sure if the cabin was the type of place Olivia would enjoy, he had always thought she was much more of a sea and sand girl than a lake and trees but he was hoping that he could help her and help her baby.

"It all depends on Liv." He replied softly. "If she wants to stay longer then we will. If she doesn't then we'll be home, I don't want to push her."

"That's good, let her have some of the control Don, if you ask her if she'd like to go for a walk and replies no then don't push her just say something like ok maybe later or no problem and then give her some space, her saying no is her pushing you away."

"But the last thing I want is for her to succeed at pushing me away!" Cragen snapped, the whole point of this holiday was for Olivia to have some healing time and maybe a chance for them to bond together and become closer if that was possible.

"She isn't going to succeed, if she says no to going for a walk then you should go alone, then when you come back you suggest that you do something together, maybe cook for her and she wouldn't turn eating with you down, and that way you build up the relationship but still allow her some control." Huang explained as thoroughly as he could.

Elliot shook his head and rubbed his hand across his face in frustration. He loved Olivia and he knew her better than anyone else did and he was sure she was going to see straight through this act, or this plan that his superior and the psychiatrist was working on.

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**Next Chapter the last Psych Eval from the hospital, travelling, first few hours at the cabin. **


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: Bit of a jump here because I'm seriously bored of Liv in the hospital now!**

**...On with the show!**

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**03 hours remaining**

Cragen, Huang and Elliot all sat looking at the doctor full of dread about what she was about to say. She had a grim expression that told all three of them that there was something seriously wrong with Olivia and yet they all clinged on to the hope that they were imagining the look.

"I've diagnosed Olivia with Prenatal depression." Said the doctor in a simple manner.

Elliot and Cragen both instantly turned to look at Huang who would obviously know what that was.

"It just means that she has depression and the fact that she's pregnant makes it prenatal." He said still looking at the doctor. "Is she detached at all?" He asked and both Cragen and Elliot turned back to the doctor waiting for an answer.

"Yes, she is a little not as much as some I've seen but she is detached from her child, she said she didn't even remember the due date that she'd practically blacked out in the OBGYN's office." Amanda explained sighing.

"So what do we do now?" Cragen asked because he was still planning on taking Olivia away no matter what.

"She needs to be in a stress free environment and she needs someone who is going to make sure she eats, exercise and sleeps properly. She told me she has an increase in fatigue and I have been looking at her chart and see that she has been sleeping quite a lot while she's been here, also she has barely eaten which is harmful for both her and the baby. I want to put her on some anti-depressants ..."

"Isn't that harmful for the baby?" Elliot snapped interrupting her and catching her off guard.

"No, not the ones I am going to put her on Detective, I was on them myself when I had prenatal depression with my first child." She replied bluntly shutting Elliot right up.

"Ok but I don't think Olivia will go for it." Huang sighed earning a look from both Cragen and Amanda.

"What do you mean George?" Amanda asked.

"Have you even asked her about her birthing plans?" George asked in surprise and Amanda shook her head, she'd been a little pre-occupied with making sure her patient wasn't still suicidal.

"She wants a drug free birth, no epidural only gas and air if and only if the pain becomes too much, Olivia wants to do everything right for her child and taking anti-depressants ... well she refused anti anxieties off me once when I knew she needed them so I doubt she's going to take them." He explained straight, he knew Olivia's mental status from previous experience with her, he knew things that Elliot ad Cragen couldn't possibly know.

"Ok so what do you suggest?" Amanda asked.

"I don't know Amanda, I think it's good she's going away for a week or two, she needs the break, it's a stress free environment and she'll have someone to watch over her." He sighed, a part of him wished he was going now because he knew what to look out for with Olivia.

"Well I'm going to talk to her and suggest the drugs and I'll give her a prescription in case she changes her mind but I'm very close to getting her committed, she isn't in much of a state to do anything else at the moment." Amanda sighed.

"You'll commit her over my dead body." Elliot snarled making everyone's head snap towards him. "I'm her medical proxy and next of kin, I won't let you do this, she needs a break not to be committed onto the psych ward for the duration of her pregnancy ... I mean, do you want her to reject this baby when it's born because that's what will happen if she get's locked up in a hospital until it's birth and I'm not being rude that's my child too." Elliot explained.

"Ok well I could easily have the decision taken out of your hands Detective but I won't do that, my only interest is in Olivia's best interests and that is where they will stay, I am willing to let her out tonight to go on this break but I want her to be assessed as soon as she gets back and if she's no better I want her back here." She spoke to everyone but her eyes were fixed on Huang's as she spoke because she knew he wouldn't reject.

"Fine." They all mumbled.

"Ok now I am going to see if I can persuade Ms Benson to take some medication in the hopes that she will get to at least enjoy the rest of her pregnancy." Amanda explained before getting to her feet.

The three men followed her out of the office and down towards Olivia's room. She went inside and they waited by the door patiently for her to leave.

At first they couldn't hear anything that was going on inside the room but Olivia's voice carried out to them when she began yelling.

"I'm not crazy!" She yelled making all the men rush inside just in time to see her throwing the small pill pot towards the doctor.

"I'm not saying you're crazy Olivia..."

"Then why are you trying to shove drugs down me then?" She screamed angrily.

"I'm not! But they'll help, they'll make you feel a little more like yourself." She tried to explain but it was all in vain as Olivia climbed out of the bed.

"No more!" She called over to the three men. "I made it for sixty nine hours but I can't do it anymore!" She yelled as she grabbed her already packed duffle bag.

The men looked at each other and then at doctor Amanda who shrugged knowing she couldn't win this one.

Olivia with the help of Elliot as her medical proxy, discharged herself. Amanda quickly wrote out a prescription and handed it Don knowing if Olivia was going to take the drugs, she would for him and she could only hope that it would happen, Olivia needed them to get through the next five months of her pregnancy.

Cragen was relieved that everything was in the car ready to go as soon as Olivia was discharged and she didn't object when she was taken to his car.

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The drive to the cabin was only about an hour. Huang had promised to call by a couple of times to see how things were going and Cragen had managed to persuade an old friend to go and pull all the dust covers on and make sure the place was warm before they arrived there, it was the middle of the summer so he wasn't surprised to find that the air conditioning was on instead of the heaters.

Olivia was silent the whole way, even when they stopped to pick up groceries Olivia stayed in the car with her eyes shut. Don knew she wasn't sleeping but he knew that she needed the rest and decided not to disturb her.

When they arrived at the cabin, Cragen showed Olivia straight to the master suite. She sat down at the edge of the bed and listened as he told her were the personal bathroom was (just off to the side through the sliding doors). He then went and bought in the luggage. When he placed Olivia's cases in her room he found her still sat on the edge of the bed staring at the wall blankly.

"Get some sleep." He said softly before giving her a gentle kiss on the crown of her head.

He turned and left before she blinked causing one solitary tear to drip down her cheek. As soon as she went to wipe it away the rest of the tears began to cascade. Before long, she was choking on her own sobs as she lay down and pulled a pillow to her face trying to muffle out the noises echoing from her mouth.

Cragen was in his own room lying back in bed and staring at the ceiling his heart breaking with every sound coming from Olivia's room. He felt helpless, a part of him wanted to rush into the room and wrap his arms around her telling her she was going to be alright but then he knew she needed to cry, he'd suffered with depression and he knew crying was a form of release and right now she needed that release. He vowed not to go to sleep until she had stopped crying though in case she needed him because he had to admit that he was scared she was suicidal and he was scared he'd wake to find her body.

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**Next chapter ... was Huang right in guessing her behaviour?**


	11. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: So the holiday begins let me know what you think about the whole Cragen/Olivia thing. There are going to be a lot of Daddy/Daughter style moments and a lot of them are based on ACTIONS (don't confuse that with the plot of the story) that have been between me and my dad when we have our moments and I'm very much Daddy's little girl so you'll see a lot of that come through. Anyway...**

**...On with the show!**

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When Olivia woke up the next morning she was surprised to find her pillow damp. She knew she'd cried herself to sleep but from the moisture on her face she suspected that she'd been crying in her sleep. It didn't make her feel any better when she rolled out of the king size bed over to the full size mirror in the corner of the room and got a glimpse of how she looked.

Her hair was knotted in a very tangled messed up bun. Her eyes were red, bloodshot with massive black bags beneath them that could have been mistaken for black eyes. The slacks and baggy sweater she'd worn to leave the hospital in were something out of her 'comfy' drawer that Elliot must have chosen for her, they did nothing for her figure and nothing to conceal the small bump that carried her child.

A knock on the bedroom door startled her.

"Come in." She called as she caressed her bump in the mirror.

Don Cragen walked into the room slowly and he smiled seeing Olivia out of bed and her hands on her stomach where his grandchild lay. The smile however faded when he saw how bad Olivia looked. He'd never seen her looking so pale, her caramel skin was almost white and her eyes ... the eyes that captured victims, usually full of love and trust seemed empty and hurt.

"I'm making breakfast I wanted to know what you wanted." He smiled as her hands dropped beside her.

"Uh I'm not hungry thanks." She shrugged.

"Liv..."

"I'm not hungry Don." She said firmer.

"I don't care if you're not hungry Olivia, but my grandbaby is probably starving now how do pancakes sound?" It was obvious to Olivia that he wasn't going to be taking no as an acceptable answer.

"Yeah fine, Thanks." She shrugged knowing better than to argue anymore.

"Ok well why don't you have a bath and change while I cook?" He suggested nodding his head towards the sliding doors.

"Sounds great." Olivia replied attempting to smile but it was definitely looking more like a grimace.

"Ok well I'll give you a shout when it's ready." Don smiled back before slipping out of the room and leaving Olivia on her own once again.

Olivia went through to the bathroom and stood in complete shock when she saw it.

It was as big as the bedroom. The bath was big enough to fit three people in and there were obvious jet streams into the side. There was a two person shower and two person sink and Olivia could tell that it wasn't a cheap place.

She made her way over to the bath and began running the water before brushing her teeth. Once the bath was run she made sure there were towels close enough and she stripped and climbed into the water.

Her hands rested on her very obvious bump. She stroked gently and wondered if her baby could sense or feel her hands.

"Mommy's really sorry rookie." She said as tears stung her eyes once more. "You know Mommy already loves you so much and so does daddy, now he knows about you anyway."

She sighed and laid her head back to look at the roof but her hands stayed firmly on her stomach.

"When you arrive though baby, Mommy's going to be all better all for you I promise. I may not be the best mother in the world to you rookie but I'm going to be the best mother that I can be because Mommy's waited so long to have a baby and now that you're going to be here, I couldn't be more excited it's just ... you see rookie Mommy's going through a hard time at the moment ... the doctors called it prenatal depression ..."

Olivia was blissfully unaware that Don Cragen was outside the bathroom door listening. He hadn't done it on purpose he'd just walked past the second door into the bathroom when he'd heard hr talking and decided to make sure she was alright. The smile that was playing on his lips showed how relieved he was to hear Olivia communicating with her unborn child, that showed that the warning Huang had given him about trying to stop Olivia from dissociating with the baby was pointless because this showed she wasn't dissociating.

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After her bath Olivia dressed in a pair of jeans and a comfortable t-shirt and sweater. She combed her hair and clipped the damp locks to the back of her head before being happy enough with her appearance to go down for breakfast. She met with Don Cragen in the kitchen and he smiled at her before placing a large plateful of pancakes on the table and two empty plates for the pair of them.

"Thank you." Olivia smiled as he handed her a mug of tea.

"No problem, now tuck in, I was thinking maybe we could take a walk around the lake after if you're up for it, it's a beautiful day." He smiled his hand signalling to the open patio door that was letting in some cool air as well as the light from the shining sun.

"Maybe." Olivia shrugged, she wasn't really in the mood to spend time with Don but she didn't want to let him down or make him think that she wasn't grateful either.

"Ok well if not we can go this afternoon or tomorrow, there's plenty to do around this place that could keep me occupied for hours." He smiled Huang's warnings echoing in his mind as he spoke.

"Ok." Olivia nodded.

Cragen gave her a reassuring smile but he was slowly becoming annoyed with the silence that engulfed them. She'd been down for breakfast for nearly thirty minutes and she's only said four words and he could only hope that she'd begin answering him in more than one word answers soon.

"So uh, I was thinking of having some of the guys from work up for a cook out this Sunday." He decided to try and make conversation with her but she seemed to be barely listening to him. "What do you think?"

"Fine." She shrugged as he fork began to play with the half a pancake left on her plate.

He held in the sigh as he didn't want to upset her, if she didn't want her co-workers over then she only had to say and he wouldn't invite them, but he knew having people around her would be a good thing.

After breakfast Olivia was going to do the dishes when Cragen stopped her.

"I'll do those, why don't you go relax." He smiled gently.

She just nodded and quickly rushed off to her bedroom, she wasn't in the mood for chit chat and she definitely didn't want to be hanging around downstairs. Once in her room she climbed into her bed and rubbed her stomach until sleep engulfed her.

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She wasn't sure how long she'd been sleeping when she was woken up.

"Hey." Cragen smiled as she pushed herself up to sitting. "Huang said not that it wasn't good to let you sleep too much that it isn't good for you." He explained as he passed her a steaming mug of tea.

She just nodded and muttered a thank you almost inaudibly.

"So it's nearly lunch time, I've made us some sandwiches, then I thought we could take that walk around the lake?"

"Uh sure." She shrugged, it was obvious to her that he really wanted to take that walk with her and she didn't want to hurt his feelings by saying that taking that walk was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Ok well come down when you're ready." He smiled before leaving her to it.

She stayed in bed and sipped her tea knowing she'd eventually have to go downstairs. She reached over to the bedside table and looked at her phone to find that she had one new message.

FROM: Elliot.

Message: Enjoy your break. I love you and our baby. El xx

She smiled, the first real smile in days as she decided whether or not to text him back. She hesitated but then hit the reply button.

TO: Elliot.

Message: I'll try. I love you too. Liv xx

After clicking the send button she placed her phone back on the bedside table and climbed out of bed knowing that Cragen would be waiting for her downstairs.

"Hey." She smiled gently at him as she walked into the kitchen where he was putting some juice on the table.

"Hey feeling better?" He asked gently hoping she wouldn't lose it with her.

"Yeah a bit." She nodded before sitting down as Cragen pulled the cling film from the sandwiches and placed a plate in front of her. "Thanks." She smiled picking up half a sandwich and breaking a small piece off before putting it into her mouth, she was actually feeling hungry and it was taking a lot of effort not to devour the whole slice in two mouthfuls.

"I was thinking, if you don't want me to come on this walk or didn't want to take it you don't have to you know Liv, don't feel like you're going to hurt my feelings." Cragen smiled and Olivia felt as if he could read her mind.

"No I want to." She replied, it wasn't that she actually wanted to it was that she was hoping that it would do her some good to get out of the cabin and into the fresh air, and she didn't fancy doing that alone.

"Ok." Cragen smiled. "Have you heard anything off anyone back in Manhattan?" He asked gently.

"Elliot sent me a text."

He could see the twinkle in her eye as well as the smile tugging at her lips at this statement and he couldn't help but feel a little bit relieved.

"That's good." Cragen replied knowing he had to say something.

"How about you?" Olivia asked deciding that the awkward conversation was better than the awkward silence.

"I spoke briefly with George while you were sleeping." He replied honestly.

Every piece of happiness completely vanished from Olivia at that statement.

"Oh." She replied trying to hide the feelings that had filled her from her superior but he was no fool.

"What is it Liv?" he asked as she played with the crust of her sandwich, slowly breaking it into small pieces and dropping them on the plate.

"Nothing." She lied, her gaze fixed firmly on the broken crust in her hands.

"Olivia." He said firmly and using her full name knowing she would know he was serious.

"Did he call you or did you call him?" Olivia asked deciding it would be easier for her to react if she knew.

"He called me." Cragen replied honestly as he didn't understand what Olivia was getting at.

"Oh." Olivia replied before pushing back her seat and taking her plate, she didn't want to have an argument with Cragen but she was getting more annoyed by the second and she knew it wouldn't take much to have her exploding with anger.

"Why?" Cragen asked taking his own plate over to the sink where she was washing hers.

"No reason." She lied as she picked up a tea towel.

Cragen sighed, he wasn't sure if confronting her was the right thing to do but he knew how stubborn she was and he knew the only way to get her to open up to him was to be pushy until he got some answer or reaction.

"Of course there's a reason Liv, you wouldn't have asked if there wasn't one." He replied as he took the dish towel from her and dried his own plate.

"Just ... leave it." She sighed before walking off, she didn't want to argue and she knew that was the way that it was headed so she did what she did best and ran, only to her room but it was still running.

Cragen picked up his phone and hesitated over one speed dial number. He knew Olivia had been upset by him having contact with Huang but he wasn't sure he could do this without the help of the psychiatrist. Slowly he placed the phone back on the counter coming to the decision that he would first find out why Olivia was upset by him having contact with George Huang before contacting him again.

He went up to her bedroom and knocked lightly on the door. When there was no reply he couldn't help but be fearful that she had done or was doing something stupid. He slowly opened the door just in case she was undressed and he would need to shut it quickly but he found the room empty with the balcony door wide open. He slowly made his way to the blowing white chiffon drapes and found her sitting in one of the deck chairs. Her eyes were glazed over and he knew she was thinking about something but he wasn't sure what it was so he gently placed a hand on her shoulder to let her know he was there. He hadn't expected her to almost jump five feet into the air but when she laughed he realised he'd just startled her. He had to admit it was nice to hear her laugh.

"You scared me!" She laughed as she held her hand over her thumping heart.

"Sorry." He smiled as he took the second seat. "So you want to tell me what upset you about me talking with Huang?"

She sighed, she had hoped he'd understood that she didn't want to talk about it but it was obvious he wasn't going to let the subject go.

"It's nothing." She replied as she sunk back into the chair.

"Livia, it isn't nothing when it rattles you. I promise I won't be offended if that's what you're worried about, and I won't think it's nothing either or stupid or anything else that's going through that very thick skull of yours." He said making her laugh a little again.

"Ok fine." She sighed sitting upright and turning to look at him. "It just feels like I've lost everyone's trust and that everyone thinks I am this fragile and unstable mess who isn't capable of looking after herself and I hate it." She said honestly making Don smile and sit upright.

He reached over and took her hands gently into his own and his eyes connected with her.

"None of us think that Liv. We're concerned because you're not yourself right now, you're sick and don't look at me like that..." he made her smile a little. "Depression is an illness and you have it but you will get better, soon you'll be back to your old self but just like when you have the flu or a virus we all just want to take care of you and that's what we're doing, think of this as holding your hair back when you're vomiting or bringing you soup when you have the flu."

Olivia's smile broadened with Cragen's explanation, as she actually realised he was right.

"Thank you." She smiled gently as she leaned over and wrapped her arms around his neck in an embrace that he didn't hesitate in returning. "I'm sorry I'm such a pain in the ass."

"You're not a pain in the ass or a burden or any of those things, Liv I'm glad for the break from the city, I think I needed it just as much as you and to be able to share that with you while you're carrying my grandbaby just makes it all the more special." He smiled as she let him go and sat back into the chair.

Awkward silence clouded them once more as they tried to figure what to say to one and other.

"Do you think I'm wrong in refusing the drugs?" Olivia asked eventually.

Cragen turned to look at her and found that she was staring out into the distance.

"No." He replied simply making her head snap towards him. "When I was depressed, before I started drinking heavily, they put me on some antidepressants and they ... I couldn't come off them for years. If you can conquer this without hitting the bottle or the pills Liv you can conquer absolutely anything." He explained and she found that he was now looking out into the distance and she suddenly realised that he knew exactly what she was thinking, what she was feeling because he'd been here before, he'd felt everything she was feeling now and if anyone was going to be able to help her while being completely understanding it was going to be him.

"Why don't we take that walk now?" Olivia suggested and Cragen looked at her and smiled, if he was going to get through to her, this was definitely a start.

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**Next chapter – Olivia opens up but so does Cragen!**


	12. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: Well here it is the next instalment or chapter or whatever the hell you want to call it!**

**...On with the show!**

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They were about half way around the lake when Olivia slipped her arm into Cragen's. He smiled, his hands were in his pockets but feeling Olivia's arm snake around his own he pulled his arm towards him a little so Olivia would receive a comforting squeeze between his arm and chest. Knowing it was ok she rested her head on his shoulder as they continued to walk.

"Why don't we stop here?" Cragen asked nodding his head towards a bench that overlooked the lake towards the cabin.

"Sure." Olivia nodded knowing a rest would be good.

Cragen put down the small duffle bag he'd bought along with them and pulled out two bottles of water. He passed one to Olivia and she smiled gratefully as he opened his own.

"Thanks." She whispered as she began opening the water and Cragen realised that she was thanking him for a lot more than the water.

"Anytime Liv." He replied knowing she's figure out he understood.

"You know Don, I'm so grateful for what you've done and George and everyone at SVU." Olivia smiled and Cragen turned to look at her.

"Liv you're our family. John and Fin... especially Fin sees you like a little sister, John maybe more like a niece. Elliot definitely loves you and not just because you're having his baby and partner and me ... well you're my little girl Liv even though you're definitely a grown woman, every grown woman needs her daddy around sometimes." He smiled.

Olivia's eyes filled with tears at his last sentence. She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried but it was a mixture of happiness and pure joy that was leaving her not just sadness.

"Don't cry Liv." He whispered running his hands down her hair.

"Sorry." She whispered pulling away and going to wipe her tears but Cragen's hand on her cheek stopped her, his thumb wiped away her tears just like a father would do to his little girl when she was hurting.

"You mean more to me than life itself Liv." He whispered and her mouth fell open in shock. "Don't look so surprised Livia, I'd give my life for you any day of the week ok? but I need you to know that I am here for you, any time you need me I am here. I don't have kids Liv, not that I didn't want any but my wife and I left it too late, she died before we had a chance. But the thing is Liv, that regret of not having my own children left the day you walked into my squad room and became one of my detectives. I don't have a love to compare how I love you but I do know for damn sure I love you the way a father should love a daughter, the way Elliot loves Maureen, Kathleen and Elizabeth and since that day you walked into my life as a Detective that regret of not having my own kid left me because I feel like I've had you there all along." He explained and Olivia's tears continued to run down her cheeks as he held her hands in his own.

She swallowed hard. Don Cragen wasn't known for being open, he wasn't known for letting all his emotions out to be honest if he did he couldn't have been Captain of SVU, the detectives needed someone strong and together to run their department.

"You Don Cragen are a magnificent human being did you know that?" She smiled as she rested her head on his shoulder and looked out of the lake once again. "I don't know what it's like to have a Dad, I've never wanted to know my biological father but if I let anyone close enough to be a dad, it's definitely you. You've been there for me when no one else really was, you've got me out of more messes that I knew I could even make but it's not just those things that make you a dad to me, it's that you really care you know, those nights I stayed at my desk typing up because I just didn't want to go home and you'd talk to me and then persuade me to go home and get some sleep. I love you Dad." She whispered and it was Cragen who now had tears running down his cheek as he slipped an arm around her waist in a gentle embrace.

"I love you too Liv." He whispered.

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After their walk Cragen order Olivia to sit on the couch and he made them both hot drinks. Olivia rested and he cooked dinner for them too still relishing in the conversation they'd had, he was shocked at how open they'd both been but he didn't regret it at all. The warm fluttering feeling that had rippled through his entire core when she had called him Dad was something that just confirmed it to him how much he loved her like a daughter.

As the food he was preparing cooked he made his way to the living room to see if she wanted to carry on talking but he found her dozing softly on the couch. She was sat up right, her empty mug in her hands on her lap and her head on the side with her hair fallen loosely in her face. She looked more at peace now that she had in days and he couldn't help but smile. He slowly removed the mug and gently lowered her to lying, once on her side he removed her shoes and rose her legs before pulling down the comforter from behind the couch and draping it over her knowing she'd had a very emotional afternoon.

He went back into the kitchen and decided this would be a perfect moment to call Huang and get some more advise and check up on the one six in the process.

Huang. He answered after two rings.

"Hi George its Don."

Oh hey Don how's Liv? He asked knowing that was why the aging man would be calling.

"You know I think she's absolutely fine." Cragen replied with a smile.

What makes you think that? Huang asked knowing every trick in the book that Olivia could use to fool her superior.

"She's eaten both breakfast and lunch and I'm cooking dinner while she naps, we went for a walk around the lake and when we stopped we really talked you know, both of us opened up and really talked like we haven't talked before." Cragen smiled again as he thought of the moment she called him dad.

You sound happy. Huang noted.

"I am happy George, she called me Dad." He replied. "After I told her exactly what she means to me and she replied and her exact words were I love you Dad." He explained.

That's good Don, she's obviously opening up to you and letting her in to emotions she probably has never trusted anyone with before. How much has she slept? Huang needed information other than what she'd said to know where her mental status was.

"Well we arrived just after eleven last night and she slept till eight this morning, then after breakfast she slept again at least three hours if not four and she's been asleep around thirty minutes now." Cragen replied.

It was almost as if he could hear Huang's brain working through the phone.

So she slept nine hours last night, three this afternoon and she'll probably get an hour now, she's sleeping too much Don, she's probably mentally exhausted, she's had a rough few days but you really need to keep her awake longer, eight to ten hours sleep at night and a two hour nap in the afternoon if she needs it. Huang explained quite firmly.

"Eight to ten and two got it." Cragen nodded knowing it was going to be really difficult keeping Olivia awake if she wanted to sleep.

And if you need anything else or she says anything worrying just call me. Huang added knowing that their conversation had come to an end.

"I will George, thank you. Bye."

Bye.

Cragen sighed and dropped his phone onto the counter. He checked the food and saw it was nearly ready giving him enough time to rouse Olivia from sleep before serving it, he just hoped that she was still in a good mood.

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**Next chapter – More Daddy/Daughter?**


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: Well here it is the next instalment or chapter or whatever the hell you want to call it!**

**...On with the show!**

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When Sunday arrived Olivia was doing much better. She was awake before Cragen and decided to make him breakfast for a change. He came down the stairs to her humming along to the radio and frying bacon.

"Morning." He smiled as she placed the bacon onto plates.

"Morning." She smiled happily.

"You looking forward to seeing everyone today?" Cragen asked.

"If everyone you mean Elliot yes I am." She smiled remembering the phone call she'd had with him the previous evening.

"Good." He grinned knowing Olivia was definitely on her way to getting better if she was looking forward to seeing Elliot, seeing him had been her biggest worry and the hurdle she needed to overcome.

Cragen had also spoken with Elliot. They'd agreed that he was to bring some clothing with him and if Olivia wanted him then he would stay with his superior and the mother of his child for the second week of their break. Cragen didn't know however that Olivia knew this, she'd told Elliot she wanted him by her side and he'd told her that Cragen suggest he bring some stuff.

"Are you sure you're ok with Elliot staying?" Olivia asked and Cragen glared at her in surprise.

"We spoke on the phone last night." Olivia explained with a smile.

"Elliot wasn't supposed to tell you that I had asked him to bring clothing." Cragen explained why he was in shock.

"He wasn't going too until I told him that I wanted him too, I told him that ..." Olivia sighed as she placed the plates on the table and sat down, she still struggled with being open with Cragen, since their walk around the lake they hadn't really talked about anything emotional.

"Told him what Liv?" Cragen asked as he began cutting his breakfast.

"Told him that I wanted him by my side for rookie." She replied her voice quiet with embarrassment.

"That's brilliant Liv." Cragen smiled.

"Just means I want him in his son or daughter's life Cap it doesn't mean I want a relationship with him." Olivia replied firmly.

"I know, but you need him there for rookie even if you don't want him there for you. He deserves to be a part of his kid's life." Cragen explained but he knew that within a few days the two detectives would be declaring their undying love for each other.

"Ok." Olivia nodded before the kitchen returned to silence as the two of them ate.

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After breakfast was cleared away the two separated to get ready for everyone to arrive. Olivia wasn't even sure who'd been invited or who would turn up but as it was a hot day and she was going to be spending most of it outside she pulled out one of the dresses that Cragen and Elliot had packed for her.

It made her chuckle. The only time Cragen or Elliot had seen her wearing a dress was when she'd been called into the precinct from a date but the dresses they had packed for her where day dresses that she wore on her day's off in the summer when she went to spend time around central park just being a woman and not a cop.

The one she chose to wear was yellow and white. It was slightly fitted but stretched neatly over her little bump and showed it off. She pulled all her hair back into a clip allowing some strands to fall around and frame her face. She'd put on some make up but only a little to make herself feel good about the way she looked and to finish off the look she pulled on a pair of white small wedge sandals that she couldn't even remember owning let alone actually wearing.

She knew she had some time before the guests arrived so she opened the balcony doors from her bedroom and stepped out into the summer sun. She pushed her sunglasses up to the top of her head as she admired the beautiful view around here. Lost in her own world she didn't hear Cragen come in behind her and almost jumped out of her skin when he coughed to let her know he was there.

"Sorry." He smiled handing her a cup of ice tea.

"It's ok." She smiled. "Thanks."

Cragen moved forward and stood beside her to look out across the vast lake.

"This place is truly beautiful." Olivia said quietly as they both looked to the distance.

"It is." Cragen nodded. "I wish I had more time to up here but since..." He took a deep shaky breath and Olivia sensed his discomfort and slowly moved her hand across the fence until her hand cupped his and she gave it a comforting squeeze. "Since my wife died, I really didn't want to come here you know, she chose this place after we rented it for our honeymoon, it never, until now, felt right coming here without her."

Tears stung Olivia's eyes as they did Don's. She slowly edged her body closer to his and rested her head on his shoulder. They both still looked out over the vast landscape as Don wrapped an arm around her waist in a comforting manner and any doubts Olivia had faded as she relaxed into him and he into her.

"You know when my Mom died ...I know it's not the same thing I obviously didn't love Serena in the way you loved your wife but..."

"But she was still your Mom." Cragen interrupted making Olivia chuckle quietly.

"Yeah but not where I was going with this." She smiled.

"Sorry." He replied shaking his head a little as his cheek rested against her crown.

"It's ok." She shrugged. "Anyway, when she died I tried to go and clean out her apartment and I took one step inside ... and the smell..." Olivia paused and sniffed as she held back her tears and she felt Cragen's arm, still around her waist, give her a gentle and comforting squeeze.

"The smell hit me and ... and I couldn't do it you know... I couldn't go into the apartment ... and now its stood still filled with her stuff, my stuff from when I was a kid. As much as I want to ... I can't..." Her voice cracked but she was determined to get it all out. "I can't bring myself to go there again."

She managed to finish speaking before the floodgates opened. Cragen, who had been blinking back his own tears allowed them to slip softly down his cheeks as he turned Olivia away from the view and into a strong embraced and he just held her as she sobbed hard into his shoulder.

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Outside on the lower deck the food was being grilled while all the guests arrived. Olivia was in her room sat on the edge of the bed unsure about seeing everyone after everything that had happened. When there was a knock on the door she held her breath but let it out when George Huang came around the door.

"Hey." He smiled as Olivia ran her sweaty palms down her thigh and he came to sit on the bed beside her. "Are you ok?" He asked softly.

"Yeah." She nodded but it was obvious she was uncertain of herself.

"Are you planning on coming out to join us?" Huang asked gently.

"Yeah." Olivia replied again but she was looking at the floor and gripping the edge of the bed while her feet scrapped backwards and forwards along the floor.

"What's bothering you Liv?" He asked trying to coax her to open up to him.

"Nothing." She shrugged still avoiding eye contact.

"Olivia, I've been in here a good few minutes and you haven't said more than three words, you won't look at me and you're fidgety. Something's bothering you and I can't help you if you don't open up to me." Huang explained calmly.

"I just..." Olivia sighed she felt childish and she couldn't explain to Huang what the internal argument was inside her head.

"Go on." Huang encouraged and Olivia sighed and looked at him.

"I guess I'm just worried that people's perception of me has changed since everything." Olivia explained.

Huang reached his hand over and took hers giving it a gentle reassuring squeeze.

"I'm not going to give you any psycho-babble about this Liv, I can say from what everyone has been saying since you've been gone, they miss you like hell especially the boys but I know that Alex, Casey and Melinda have been too. None of them think any different about you, they all understand that you've been unwell and they know you're getting better and they always told me to tell Cragen to tell you that they love you and I know you got those messages." Huang smiled gently as Olivia nodded. "They're your friends and they miss you and I know they're all out there waiting for you to join them."

"Thanks George." Olivia smiled giving him an embrace. "Really for everything."

He embraced her back and got up to leave not before stopping to give her one more message.

"I was also told to tell you that if you weren't out here in five minutes Elliot and Fin were coming to carry you out and drop you in the lake, Cragen told them you'd been in there swimming so I guess they know you like the water." He winked before going out leaving Olivia to dry her eyes and check her make up before going out to join her family.

"Liv!" Casey squealed as she wrapped her arms around her best friends.

"That was my ear." Olivia laughed as her friend let go of her and she was unaware that everyone had stopped to look at her and very unaware of how everyone broke out into wide grins seeing her laughing and smiling her signature Benson laugh.

"Sorry but I missed you!" Casey laughed as she squeezed Olivia's hands just as Alex grabbed her arm and pulled her into a strong embrace.

"Hello Detective Mommy." She smiled making Olivia laugh.

"Detective Mommy huh?" Olivia continued to laugh just as she felt a strong hand on her shoulder and turned around to see Fin beaming at her.

"I don't know if you are still craving them but I got you some custard donuts in case you'd eaten the Captain out of them." He whispered in her ear as he embraced her.

"Have I ever told you I love you?" She laughed as he kissed her cheek softly before she moved on to greet Munch.

"Hey Benson." He smiled as he hugged her.

"Hey." She smiled back.

"You know everyone thinks you're hiding out here because you're carrying my kid right?" He winked as she playfully slapped him around the shoulder.

"That's just wishful thinking." She winked as she felt another hand on her shoulder but she didn't even need to look to know whose hand it was.

"Saving the best till last?" He asked in his deep almost seductive voice.

"Obviously." She replied sarcastically rolling her eyes in the process.

"How are you and our baby doing?" He asked as he placed a hand on her tiny bump.

"We're well." She smiled before he leaned over and kissed her.

It wasn't just a kiss. It was the kiss. The kiss that told Olivia she had to stop worrying and get used to the fact that he loved her and was not leaving her or their kid. The kiss spoke volumes and as everyone watched Olivia's arms snake around the back of his neck and his arms wrapped around her waist pulling her as close to him as she could get they realised that Benson and Stabler didn't just fancy each other and happened to get frisky one night, these two worshiped each other, loved each other in every way known to man and Cragen realised he had one hell of a frigging problem because he'd be left to clean up all the mess with IAB, 1PP and if worse came to worse his two detectives because if a love like this went badly then someone was going to get really hurt. He just hoped he was wrong.

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**Next chapter – Elliot stays at the cabin and Cragen becomes protective. **


	14. Chapter 14

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: On with the show...Do Olivia and Elliot get a happy ever after? Who knows but I'll warn you, it's not in this chapter. **

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When Elliot woke up the next morning is hand automatically went to the empty cold spot beside him. Last night Olivia laid there and talked with him into the early hours of the morning before disappearing to her own room saying for now they were better off building their relationship back up slowly.

He wished she was beside him and that he could spoon her, hold her close to him, smell her, hear her, see her, taste her. He groaned getting quite aroused as he thought of her feel and taste and smell. He adored her. Loved absolutely everything about her, the good and the bad there was nothing there that wasn't perfection in his eyes.

But he understood. He understood that she needed time to adjust, to know and feel that he loved her. He knew she loved him, he knew that. But she wasn't one for letting herself be loved, she'd been through too much heartache, too much pain had been running through her heart that she was weary of letting anyone in.

There was one person though, one person she'd let in completely and Elliot couldn't help but wonder what he had done to be able to get into her mind, her heart and her soul. He couldn't understand why Donald Cragen was able to get into her. She'd let him in wholly. She accepted him as the father figure in her life, she confided in him, she trusted him. Something Elliot could only dream about most of the time. She'd partially let him in of course, she confided in him, she trusted him obviously as in their jobs she put her life in his hands on a daily basis and you couldn't do that without trust.

As he left the bed and climbed into the shower he thought of what she had told him when they lay side by side all cosy the previous night. She'd told him she loved him. She told him that she as IN love with him and that it scared her. Olivia Benson admitted to being scared and that was the biggest surprise, Badass Benson never showed fear, the only emotions she ever really let shoe was Anger and Compassion. She'd shown him love though. She'd shown him love and let him in the night they had made love, the night they had conceived their unborn child. Their child. Our child.

He couldn't believe he was going to be a father again. He loved his kids dearly but he couldn't believe that he was about to become a father with Olivia as the mother. He'd imagined what their kids would look like hundreds of time, her eyes and his hair, her smile and his nose, it always felt right and now he was excited that this dream was going to become a reality. His dream. Was it her dream? Had she ever thought about having children with him? Had she wished for his children? Because he knew she wanted children, she wanted children to call her own and he was very happy that he was going to be the person to give her that.

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Olivia lay in bed. It was gone ten thirty and she was surprised that she had woken up of her own accord as normally she was woken by Cragen bringing in a cup of steaming hot tea. Except the previous day of course when she'd been to nervous and woken up at a ridiculous time and decided to make him breakfast but she knew he was always up early, it was almost a routine that was drummed into his body from years of being a cop.

Her hand ran absentmindedly over her stomach. She smiled as she thought of the baby lying in there. Her baby. Elliot's baby. Their baby. She couldn't deny that she wasn't still in shock. She adored him, she loved him and now he was giving her the one thing she'd dreamed of having. A baby of her own. As depressed as she was this thought always bought a gentle smile onto her face. The thought of holding her own baby to her chest after being in labour. Seeing his or her face for the first time, counting ten fingers and ten toes, hearing a ear popping cry that she knew she would love instantly as she already loved the person the cry would come from. The tiny baby growing inside of her. Her rookie baby.

She knew she had to get up but lying in bed thinking about her child was making her feel at peace, content with everything that was happening if not happy and she didn't want to go back to feeling sickened and sad.

As her stomach fluttered and she was overcome with nausea she knew if she didn't get up now she wouldn't make it to the bathroom when the vomit hit her so she slowly pushed herself to sitting and slipped out of the warm covers into the cool air of the bedroom. She'd slept with the balcony doors open last night, letting in the cool summer air, listening to the quiet and feeling that calmness the cabin and its surroundings bought her.

She made it into the bathroom and to the floor in front of the toilet just in time for the first bout of vomit to hit her. The morning sickness had been anything but regular, sometimes hitting first thing in the morning, other times last thing at night and some days not at all. She was quiet pleased as the days where it didn't hit made her enjoy everything about the pregnancy, the days it did made her wish she didn't have it or wasn't pregnant because being sick made her feel sicker and more depressed.

"Liv I've got some ginger ale for you." Cragen called from the bedroom.

"Ugh." Olivia groaned from the bathroom just before her head was half way down the toilet once again and she bought up the rest of her stomach contents.

"Ok?" he asked coming into the bathroom and rubbing her back gently.

"Yeah..." She managed to get out before she heaved.

"There you go." He whispered rubbing her back in circular motions knowing it made her feel better.

"I just want this to end." She moaned wiping her mouth on the back of her hand.

"I know you do sweetie." He whispered.

"Where's Elliot?" Olivia asked as she got up shakily knowing that she was done for this morning.

"In the kitchen finishing up breakfast so I could come and tend to you." Cragen smiled gently as he flushed the toilet and supported her to the sink so that she could brush her teeth.

"Oh." She sighed feeling a little hurt that Elliot hadn't wanted to come and tend to her while she was suffering from morning sickness because of their child.

"I told him too." Cragen replied hoping that she wouldn't think bad of Elliot.

"Right." Olivia nodded before she got on brushing her teeth.

Cragen found her robe and handed it to her before making his way back to the kitchen knowing Olivia would be through soon.

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His head was spinning as he watched Olivia and Elliot in the lake. He loved that girl, his little girl, more than life itself. He knew she was still healing and hoped that somehow having Elliot there for the week would help her in some ways but another part of him was scared. No terrified. That somehow Elliot was going to leave her worse off in the long run. Elliot was somehow going to hurt her and he didn't want to see that happen and he knew somehow that he couldn't let that happen, he had to protect her and his grandchild.

He ran his hands over his face hoping that he could come up with a plan to make Olivia realise that she was better off without Elliot. He knew Elliot would leave her in the same way he had left Kathy with his other four children and he didn't want to see Olivia become the ex with a kid in tow. He knew out there that there was a man who made his little girl happy but he also knew the man held his baby girl's heart in his hands and he could drop it just as quickly, letting it shatter into a million pieces and somehow Cragen knew if that happened, there would be no repairing it.

Olivia swam through the water and onto the dock. Elliot was splashing towards her and she was giggling loudly. Cragen hadn't heard her laugh like that in a long time and he really appreciated it. He sent a silent prayer to anyone listening, that Olivia would get everything she deserved and more because she deserved to be happy, she deserved Elliot too.

"Hey." Olivia smiled walking towards him in a white sequined bikini showing off her beautiful rounded baby belly.

"Hi." Cragen smiled handing her one of the towels from beside him on the bench.

She quickly dried herself off a little before pulling on a small thin top that hung loosely on her skin and fell to her thighs. She then slipped on a pair of sun glasses and sat beside Cragen on the bench. In one easy motion she spun herself around ninety degrees and lifted her legs onto the bench before lowering her head into her 'father's' lap. He grinned and ran a hand through his 'daughter's' hair, he loved how they had bonded, grown a real trusting father/daughter style relationship, he basked in how close they were.

"You have fun in the water?" He asked putting his book down before putting a towel under her wet hair.

"Yeah, I can't be in there too long though, as warm as it is out here the water is freezing, Elliot's determined to do a lap of the thing though so I gave him the whistle you gave me in case he gets in trouble." Olivia explained as she picked up her magazine and snuggled further into Cragen's lap as he continued to play with her wet tangled hair.

Cragen had given Olivia a whistle to wear whenever she went into the water in case she swam too far out and got into some trouble such as getting her foot tangled in some weeds. He knew the chances were slim but he was protective and couldn't help it, the lake was large and stretched for eight miles.

"You think Elliot can really swim the whole thing?" Cragen asked.

"No idea, never saw him swim at all till today, actually I didn't even know if he could swim till today." Olivia replied with a sigh.

"Why are you sighing?" Cragen asked having not missed it.

"No reason..."

"Don't lie to me." Cragen laughed knowing her better than she knew herself sometimes making her laugh softly.

"Because, there's so much I don't know about him you know? I love him with every ounce of my heart and soul yet I didn't know if he could swim or not. What am I supposed to tell Rookie when he or she has questions? I can't exactly go oh sorry you'll have to ask your father because I don't know." Olivia explained sighing every so often.

"That's why you need to have a relationship with him Olivia, you may find out that you don't love him as much as you think you do, you need to date him first then become his girlfriend and maybe see if it can be something more." Cragen smiled gently, he hoped to hell that she would take his advice.

"I know." She nodded. "I told him that last night."

"You did?" He asked in surprise.

"Yeah, I told him I knew we did things a little different considering I'm pregnant but I told him I want to try and do this properly, I want to be able to tell our kid about our first date and our first kiss as boyfriend and girlfriend not that I was his partner for ten years and then had sex with him so ended up getting married to him, otherwise, I will always feel like he did the same to me as he did with Kathy and marry me out of responsibility." Olivia explained as she looked up to the sky and enjoyed the feel of her 'father's' hands in her hair.

"I understand Olivia, and I am very proud to hear you say that because you're letting your head rule for a change. Have I ever told you that you have a wise head on your shoulders?" He laughed softly as did she.

"No you haven't but thank you I appreciate it." Olivia beamed.

"You're welcome, now how about you and I go and start on lunch and maybe Elliot will be back in time?" Cragen smiled and he helped her up to sitting before she leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"For what?" He asked confused.

"For being my Dad." She smiled before getting up and leaving him smiling to himself happily.

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**Next chapter – So? **


	15. Chapter 15

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: On with the show... **

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After dinner that evening, Olivia and Elliot went for a walk together around the lake. They found a quiet spot and sat down and Olivia took off her white sandals and plunged her feet into the icy water knowing that now they were about to talk.

"So how are you feeling Liv?" Elliot asked as he put his own feet in the water and sat beside her.

"You sound like Huang." Olivia giggled nervously, she didn't want to get into this conversation with him but knew she had too.

"Liv..."

"I'm fine Elliot, and no I'm not just saying that either I really am fine." She told him knowing that he was going to argue with her if she didn't answer.

"I just mean with everything that happened, it's fair to say that I'm allowed to worry about you and our child." He explained as he took her hand in his own.

"I know El, but I don't want to keep thinking about what happened, I ended up on a psych hold, I'm a cop and that could cost me my shield." Olivia explained as a tear trickled down her cheek.

Elliot reached over and wiped it away with his thumb. Brown eyes met blue and they said a thousand words without a single one being spoke. Slowly they both leaned in to each other, lips touched softly before both moved to deepen it. They needed this. A reminder that as slow as they were going to take their relationship they needed to remind themselves that they loved each other. The setting sun in the distance and surrounding landscape just made this moment all the more perfect as hands slipped around each other's body, the kiss getting more passionate the longer it went on.

Of course, this wasn't a movie. As Elliot pulled Olivia towards him he failed to notice that she was leaning a little too far to the right and suddenly they both felt the icy water cover their bodies as they became untangled. They both pushed to the surface and gasped for air waiting for their lungs to fill before letting out their laughs.

"That was romantic!" Elliot laughed as Olivia pushed her sopping hair from her face.

"You're telling me!" She laughed as he swam towards her.

"Doesn't mean we have to stop." He smiled as he reached a hand to her.

She grinned and took it, letting him pull her into his wet body, both of them relieved that they were wearing thin clothes that didn't weigh them down too much.

"Now where were we?" Olivia asked as her finger danced along his jaw playfully.

"Hmm I think..." He smiled and pecked her nose. "We were..." He pecked just above her top lip. "Here." He finished before clasping his lips to hers.

Her hand clasped his face softly as they kissed and his arms snaked around her waist both of them gently kicking their legs to stay afloat while their lips fought against each other in a war where both were already winners.

"I love you Olivia." He moaned as she broke the kiss and rubbed her cheek into his.

"I love you too." She whispered into his ear. "But I'm freezing."

He laughed and pulled away from her to see that her flushed cheeks shone brightly and her teeth chattered gently against each other.

Holding her hand he helped her swim to the edge and after climbing out himself he pulled her out of the water and onto the rocky edge.

"Shit Dad's gonna wonder what the fuck happened!" Olivia laughed as she wrung out her dress and Elliot copied with his flannel shirt.

"It's none of his business." Elliot replied gruffly.

"El..."

"Liv you know that he's done nothing but warn me not to hurt you and that if I do he'll hunt me down, and it's not something that he's said once, he said it around five times just while you were having a nap." Elliot explained trying to hide his anger from her in the process.

"It's just him being protective Elliot, he loves me and doesn't want to see me hurt."

"Well he's not your Dad Liv." Elliot replied making the anger corrode through Olivia's veins.

"He's the closest thing I've ever had to a Dad Elliot, he's just looking out for me in the same way you would do for Maureen." Olivia snapped before marching off.

Elliot wasn't going to let her get away this time so he ran after her and grabbed her hand swinging her towards him a little too violently making her fall to the ground.

"Ouch." Olivia groaned as she sat up.

"Shit Liv I'm sorry are you alright?" He asked clutching her cheeks and pulling her upright.

No she wasn't alright. She had a cut on her cheek bone and on one of her knees.

"Shit Liv I'm so sorry." He whispered as he kissed her crown.

"I'm fine El." She whispered back trying to hide how much pain she was in, her cheek and knee were burning.

"No you're not you're bleeding." Elliot informed her as he took off his shirt making Olivia raised her eyebrows and rake her eyes over his muscular chest.

He used his shirt to wipe some of the blood from her cheek and then off her knee before helping her stand. She laughed softly as the pain subsided and Elliot looked at her confused.

"What?" He asked.

"I fell over, we fell in the lake, we have quiet the story to tell Don when we get back!" Olivia laughed knowing that Don was going to ask her exactly what happened.

"Shit, he's going to kill me for letting you get hurt Liv." Elliot sighed as he saw the bleeding hadn't stopped on her cheek.

"You didn't let me get hurt Elliot it was an accident but I'm still mad at you." She informed him even though she was clutching to his hand and was not about to let go.

"I know, I'm sorry Liv, but I love you so much, you and our baby and I would never hurt you and I would kill anyone who ever hurt you and I just wish Don could see that you know, he needs to understand that I would be right by his side if anyone ever hurt you or our kid." Elliot explained as they walked slowly back towards the cabin.

"I know El, but he's seen me hurting so much over the past two weeks, when he found out I was pregnant and then the psychosis. El he just wants me to be happy and he doesn't yet see that with you I am going to be happy. I am happy already." Olivia explained coming to stop just a few meters from the back door of the cabin.

"You're happy?" He asked as he stroked a finger down her cheek.

"Happier than I ever thought I could be." She replied softly as a tear trickled down her cheek. "You make me happy El." She whispered before leaning and dropping a gentle kiss onto his lips and pulling away. "It's just going to take some time for me to get used to that."

Cragen could see them talking through the window. He couldn't hear what was being said but he was definitely monitoring both of their actions. The way they held hands, the way he brushed a finger along her cheek (he couldn't see the injury from where he was stood) the way she looked at him and he at her and the way she slowly leaned in and softly kissed him. He wanted to believe that this was a match made in heaven, he'd seen Elliot prepared to give his life for Olivia and vice versa but that was a part of the job, was this something they could do without the pressures of SVU, something they could commit too. He could only hope and wish that whatever the outcome of all of this, Olivia would be happy.

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Cragen had switched the kettle on and made the coffee just in time for Olivia and Elliot to walk into the kitchen.

"You're both wet?" He asked making out that he hadn't seen them outside.

"Yeah we fell into the lake." Olivia laughed thinking about their kissing and toppling over.

"How did you manage that? You're hurt, what happened?" Cragen's voice grew in intensity the angrier he got.

"Yes I got hurt, no not when we fell into the lake, afterwards, I slipped and fell." Olivia explained as Cragen examined the cut her face.

"You need to clean that up." He said going to the cabinet and pulling out the first aid box.

"I'll go get us some towels." Elliot smiled and kissed the crown of Olivia's head before leaving Cragen to clean up the wounds.

"So you going to tell me what happened?" Cragen asked showing that he thought Elliot was to blame.

"I told you I fell." Olivia replied wincing slightly as the antiseptic lotion hit her skin.

"That's what they all say." Cragen muttered and Olivia pulled away from him harshly.

"You think Elliot did this?" Olivia gasped in shock.

"I didn't say that." Cragen replied.

"You didn't need to!" Olivia yelled jumping from the bar stool.

"Olivia sit down." Cragen sighed.

"No. Elliot would never ... EVER... lay a hand on a woman especially not a pregnant one, I told you I fell and that's what happened!" Olivia snapped angrily, she couldn't believe this.

"I'm sorry, I just ..."

"Yeah you just insinuated that the father of your unborn grandchild hit its mother." Olivia hissed.

"Liv I'm sorry, I'm just scared..."

"Right now Daaad..." She drew out the word 'dad' to show how pissed she was. "I don't want to talk to you, I'm going to bed." She walked out without a second glance leaving Don Cragen feeling a little more than pissed at himself.

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That night as he lay in bed Don Cragen thought about how easy it was to mess up the relationship he'd so carefully built with Olivia. He knew he had no one to blame but himself but having worked in special victims for so long he couldn't help but question her when she said she'd fallen. He hadn't seen the scratch on her knee, just the inch long cut on her cheek that looked more like she'd been punch not fallen especially with the dark purple bruise that had began to form around him. He had to just hope that she was telling him the truth.

He knew Elliot Stabler, he knew the man well enough to know that he would never lay a finger on a woman especially not the woman he loved and that was carrying his unborn child but he'd seen lawyers become wife beaters, cops men of the law who knew better had hit women and he couldn't help but worry that his girl had become a victim in that way. He even knew he was mad in thinking it but his fear had run his actions and he'd voiced them, there was nothing wrong with that... was there?

Of course there was, Olivia would never forgive him now ... would she?

He glanced at the clock and saw it was only just past ten and Elliot had retired to his bedroom. Slowly he climbed out of bed and push his feet into his slippers as he pulled on his robe. There was only one thing on his mine, and that was rescuing his relationship with his daughter, she may not have been biologically his but with George Huang's help he'd built a father daughter relationship with her that she hadn't rejected and now he was determined to make sure he rescued that, before it was too late.

He slipped towards Olivia's room and saw a light emulating from beneath the door. He knocked and heard a whispered 'come in' and entered.

"Oh it's you." She sighed putting her book down and sitting upright, it was obvious she'd thought it was Elliot.

"I hoped we could talk." He replied softly, his eyes showing the shame he felt.

"Sure." Olivia nodded pulling her legs up so that he could sit on the bed.

He did and he took Olivia's hand into his own before peering into her deep chocolate eyes. He could see years of pain projected from them, years of torment and abuse and he didn't want to be blamed for a single ounce of that but he understood that the pain and resentment she was feeling at this very moment was entirely his fault.

"I wanted to apologise..."

"Don't." She shook her head and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "I know that you just want to protect me Don, I really do and with everything that's happened you're the only person who's not tiptoeing around me like I'm a fragile piece of glass that has handle with care written across my forehead." She chuckled softly and he cracked an uncertain grin. "I feel honoured and privileged that you want to take care of me and protect me, and I understand why you got worried, when I looked in the mirror I saw what you saw too and if a woman walked into our squad room with a mark like this I would have jumped to the same conclusion but you need to understand that Elliot loves me and his child and he would never hurt me, I know you're scared Dad, I am too, I'm scared every time I look at him that he's going to say he doesn't love me, I'm scared that he only wants to be with me out of responsibility of what he's done but I have to focus on the fact that's not true, he wants to do this right with me, he doesn't want to do the same mistakes that he made with Kathy. I'm not diving into a relationship with Elliot, heck who even knows if there will be a relationship when rookie comes along, but hell we're going to try and make this work, we're dating, when this holiday is over and we're back in New York we're going to go on a date and if it works and we enjoy it then maybe we'll go on a second and see where it goes from there. I love him Dad, I love him so much and the thought of not having him in my life scares the hell out of me but if we can't work on a personal level in a relationship then I need to be his friend for the sake of my child, please don't let your protectiveness ruin that for me."

"I'm sorry." He whispered pulling her into a tight embrace as the tears ran down his cheeks. "I just..."

"I know you don't want me to get hurt, but I'm a big girl Dad. I can look after myself even if I do make mistakes sometimes." She smiled at him then leant over and kissed his cheek gently. "But I'll always be a Daddy's girl ok?"

"I love you Olivia."

"I love you too." She grinned as she let him hold her gently and kiss the crown of her head, basking in what she was comfortable enough in calling a father daughter relationship because there were no other words to describe their relationship anymore.

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**Next chapter – Elliot and Olivia take some well needed time away from Don Cragen while Don spends some much needed time with George Huang**


	16. Chapter 16

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: On with the show... **

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Once breakfast was cleared away and Olivia and Elliot let Cragen know they were taking off for the day Don called Huang and asked for him to take a trip to the cabin. Olivia and Elliot left as soon as they were dressed leaving Cragen to prepare himself for Huang's visit.

He arrived about thirty minutes after Olivia and Elliot left and once the coffee was served they sat outside on the deck to talk. Cragen wasn't even sure why he'd asked the psychiatrist to come over, it was true that they were friends, their work required that of them but somehow he knew he needed to talk to a shrink and get things off his chest that he didn't know how to tell anyone else.

"So how is Olivia doing?" Huang asked as he sipped at his coffee.

"Better I think." Cragen replied a soft sight passing his shoulders.

"You think?" Huang frowned, he knew Cragen had been watching Olivia like a hawk and would know if she wasn't doing any better.

"Yeah, she's got more energy all of a sudden, she's been taking a lot of time to herself but she's spending more time with myself and Elliot too." Cragen replied honestly.

"Is she still sleeping a lot?" Huang wanted to make sure he asked all the questions he had.

"Not as much, she usually has a nap after lunch which can be anywhere between an hour and four hours and she's still sleeping nearly twelve hours at night." Cragen informed him, he'd been keeping count under the doctor's instructions.

"And how many hours is she spending alone and away from everyone?" Huang asked.

"She usually takes an hour to herself after breakfast, I always take her a cup of tea and I find her with her nose in a book and then she'll usually take an hour or two away after dinner." Cragen explained, he knew Olivia wasn't secluding herself half as much this week as she had the previous week.

"So she's getting there." Huang smiled softly, he was relieved.

"Yeah, she was saying she was looking forward to getting back to work yesterday, so I'm guessing she's feeling more herself as last week she was saying she wasn't sure if she was coming back at all." Cragen smiled, he wasn't sure if he would have gone back to work had Olivia left and not come back.

"Good, I don't know if this Monday is a little too soon but maybe some desk duty will do her some good, slowly get back into the swing of things." Huang replied honestly.

"She's on desk duty till she has that baby." Cragen informed the doctor firmly.

"Don, she's got the right to be out in the field until she's seven months along and as soon as she's deemed fit she's going to want to be out there doing her job, you stopping her could set her back." Huang replied sternly, he wasn't going to let Cragen think he knew what was best for Olivia because he wasn't a professional doctor who knew how to handle prenatal depression and psychosis.

"I just don't want anything to happen to her." Cragen whispered with a soft sigh.

"I know, I won't give her the all clear unless I am absolutely sure she's ready for it Don, she means too much to all of us." Huang reassured him, he knew that Don was just worried.

A blanket of awkward silence surrounded them as they both thought of their lone female detective who each and every one of her co-workers would move heaven and earth to make sure she was alright.

"How are you holding up Don?" Huang finally asked the question he'd been wanting from the beginning.

"Just fine." He replied.

"You've been spending too much time with Liv." Huang chuckled. "That's here favourite reply."

"I know, but I am fine." Don shrugged without even looking at the doctor.

"Humour me and tell me what's on your mind." Huang smiled gently and Cragen let out a frustrated sigh.

"I think I may have ruined things between me and Olivia." He explained and Huang nodded softly.

"How?" He asked when it was obvious that Don wasn't just going to come right out with it.

"She came in from a walk with Elliot yesterday, she was sopping wet and had a nasty gash on her cheek."

"And you jumped to conclusions?" Huang asked and Cragen nodded weakly.

"Yeah." He whispered.

"What did happen?" Huang asked.

"She fell." Cragen replied. "That's all she said, Elliot was wet too so I'm guessing they both somehow ended up in the lake but ... seeing that gash on her cheek George it looked like someone had punched her you know."

"But you're content in believing that she fell?" Huang asked.

"I wasn't, we argued, then I believed her." He replied.

"What did she say?" Huang wanted specifics so that he could be sure that Olivia was being honest.

"She said that Elliot would never ever hurt a woman especially not a pregnant one." Cragen replied dryly.

"She's right there." Huang nodded. "What was your reply?"

I apologised but of course she didn't want to hear it." Don sighed, he'd been doing a lot of apologising when it had come to Olivia recently.

"You love that girl don't you Don." Huang smiled gently.

Cragen just nodded. "More than I should."

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Olivia and Elliot drove for about an hour. They stopped at a convenience store and got some supplies and then made their way to the top of a nearby mountain. As Olivia had fallen asleep in the car being in need of a morning nap she'd been routinely taken, Elliot set up for the picnic they were going to have, of course this was much more than a picnic, this was a date something they hadn't experienced yet even though she was pregnant with his child.

Once she was awake she couldn't stop smiling as Elliot showed her the little set up. A picnic blanket was laid out with everything they had bought in the convenience store and large pillows taken from the lounge of the cabin sat waiting for them.

Elliot took Olivia's hand and led her to her 'seat' and as he sat down and opened her a can of soda he smiled happily. Once they had their drinks Elliot took her hand and together they looked out into the distance.

"It's so beautiful." Olivia smiled.

"Yeah, that's why I bought you here, I've wanted to bring you here for years Liv." Elliot smiled.

"You have?" Olivia frowned not understanding how he knew about this place.

"You know when I disappeared for two weeks after that case with the six kids..." She nodded feverishly, how could she have forgotten the two weeks she spend desperately in need of getting in touch with her partner yet no one knew where he was. "Well I was here, up at Cragen's cabin. He saw how badly the case had gotten to me and he knew I need to get my head together and with me and Kathy on a break at the time he gave me the keys and sent me here, told me I would know when I was ready to come back."

"Oh famous last words." Olivia laughed and Elliot looked at her with a grin.

"I don't get it." He explained and Olivia laughed a little more, a laugh he'd missed hearing.

"He said the same thing to me once." She explained.

He smiled and pulled her into him. She rested her head on his shoulder for a little while but then they got uncomfortable they lay back to look at the sky.

"Have you thought of any names yet?" Elliot asked gently.

"A few." Olivia smiled even though Elliot couldn't see her as he was lying by her side hand in hand staring up at the sky.

"Wanna let me in on some?" He asked, he couldn't help but feel a little bit pushed out with this baby.

"No." She laughed playfully and he nudged her carefully and they both laughed.

"If it's a girl I like the name Skye." Olivia smiled.

"You're just saying that." He laughed.

"No Elliot I'm not." And he knew the words had come out of her mouth were the truth because she had one called him Elliot and two

"Skye, Skylar?" He suggested.

"No just Skye." Olivia replied. "What about you, have you got any ideas?"

"I like the name Isaac for a boy." Elliot replied. "Or Elijah."

"Very biblical Elliot." Olivia smirked.

"I'm Catholic are you surprised?" He laughed softly.

"No, I'm not. So ok then our Baby get's a catholic name."

"You don't have to do that Liv." He smiled gently as he turned his head to her and her to him with a twinkle in her eye that he hadn't seen in a long time.

"I want to El, your faith is important to you and our baby will also be brought up within the faith." Olivia explained gently.

"I appreciate that Liv." He smiled widely.

"I'm going to need a bible then!" She laughed and Elliot chuckled but he couldn't shift the happiness inside of him, not that he wanted to but it was nice to see her so relaxed and more herself than she had been in a long time.

"So can you think of any biblical girls names?" Elliot asked.

"Hmm Abigail?" Olivia suggested.

"Abigail Stabler, so sweet." He smiled.

"Benson-Stabler." Olivia replied as she turned her eyes back to the sky.

"One of many I hope." He replied and the grin that spread on her face was wide.

"The world won't know what hit them." Olivia laughed turning back to him.

"Why's that?" He frowned.

"I think one Benson and one Stabler is as much as New York can handle, can you imagine a kid with your temper and my stubbornness?" Olivia giggled almost childishly.

"A perfect kid Liv, part me and part you."

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Back at the Cabin Don and George had enjoyed lunch and were now taking a walk around the lake, the same path he had taken with Olivia when they first arrived.

"Have you ever wondered what type of children you'd have would be like?" Don asked as they walked in the sunshine.

"Often, but I'm gay and single so I don't think I'll be having kids Don, I'm not getting any younger." George replied honestly.

"But have you ever wondered, if you were to have a kid, you know what they would look like what they would be into that sort of thing." Don explained further.

"Of course, I always thought I'd have a son you know who like action figures and cartoons." George chuckled softly.

"I always thought I'd have a daughter someday, and every time I thought of her, she would have dark brown hair and dark brown eyes just like my wife had." He sighed. "Before I met Olivia I didn't know what it meant to love someone unconditionally in the way a parent loves a child but I can't help but wonder George if I have adopted Olivia as a substitute because I never got the chance to have my own."

"Don, you do love Olivia like Elliot loves Dickie and the rest of his kids, there is nothing wrong with that. The way you feel about her, the way she's imprinted in your life wasn't something you made happen, you just developed it with my help and if I thought Olivia was just a substitute or that the relationship wasn't healthy I would never have helped you." His voice was firm making Cragen realise he was certain.

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"It's going to rain." Olivia sighed breaking the silence that had clouded them peacefully.

"Do you want to go back?" Elliot asked, he wasn't quite ready to go back and face Don Cragen.

"No but maybe we could put everything away and take a small walk before the heavens open?" Olivia suggested.

"I'd like that." Elliot smiled as they both got to their feet.

The cleared everything away in silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts and wonders. He couldn't help but watch how she would stroked her small stomach every now and again, a light flashing behind her brilliant brown orbs that proved just how much she loved her unborn child.

"Benjamin." Olivia said as they began to walk hand in hand.

"Excuse me?" Elliot replied in surprise at the sudden sound.

"As a name, what do you think of Benjamin if it's a boy?"

"I like it, Ben for short." He smiled at her and she nodded.

"Or for a girl there's Bethany." Olivia suggested.

"Liv are you going to go through every biblical name you know?" He asked her gently a smile playing on his lips.

"No, only the ones I like." She replied honestly.

"Ok what about Cain or Caleb?" Elliot suggested.

"Caleb Benson-Stabler." She replied. "That could work."

"You haven't been adding a middle name Olivia." Elliot pointed out.

"It's because I've already decided what I want for middle names." She explained quietly hoping he wouldn't get mad at her for not telling him.

"Oh well what are they?" he asked feeling pushed out again but desperate not to fight with her.

"If it's a girl I want her to have Serena as a middle name and if it's a boy I want Donald." She explained and her nodded his understanding and as their eyes connected she saw the silent acceptance.

"Caleb Donald Benson-Stabler." He smiled.

"Not sure of it like that." She replied honestly as she suppressed a giggle.

"Donald isn't an easy name to pair up with if I'm honest." Elliot smirked and she laughed with him understanding his point.

"Joshua Donald Benson-Stabler." She suggested and Elliot realised that she had no intentions of pushing him away anymore.

"Liv have you considered the middle name to be just Don?" Elliot asked.

"Why?" She replied intrigued at his sudden question.

"Because I think it would be easier to find suitable names with Don rather than Donald."

"Joshua Don Benson-Stabler."

"Better already!" He laughed and she nodded in agreement just before the heavens open and the rain cascaded onto their skin.

"I think someone up there agrees!" Olivia laughed as Elliot turned back towards the car but she stopped him.

"Liv?" He asked feeling the cold water seep through his clothing.

"Elliot there's something I've always wanted to do." She explained and he just started feeling confused and very cold as he wondered why on earth she was telling him this here and not at the car.

"What's that Liv?" He asked eventually.

"I've always wanted to kiss the man I love in the pouring rain." She explained quite loudly so that he would hear her over the torrential downpour.

"Oh." He smiled and gently pulled her towards him making her grin in the process.

His eyes scanned her face, her features. She was an incredibly beautiful woman, someone had bless her in the looks department for sure but seeing her now, with rain cascading down on her, the wet locks of her hair pushed back from her face and her face without a scratch of makeup made him realise that he had the most beautiful woman in the world.

As he leant his lips into hers, her eyes fluttered shut leaving her open to the taste and feel of his deep kiss. She opened up to him and in that moment, in that kiss was everything that they had been holding in, keeping away from each other being released. Their arms snaked around one another and the kiss became more frantic the more time that past until suddenly air was necessary.

"Wow." Olivia smiled as she rested her forehead against Elliot's.

"Yeah somehow I didn't think it would be as romantic as it is in movies but that definitely was." He smiled as she pulled away and took his hand. "Liv?"

"Come on Stabler it's pissing it down and I think Doctor Huang and Daddy may have something to say about a fifteen week pregnant woman out in the pouring rain in no more than sandals and a sundress!" She laughed and he grinned before chasing after her.

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**Next chapter – Olivia and Huang have a catch up and Don talks to Elliot (Last holiday chapter!)**


	17. Chapter 17

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: On with the show... **

**SVUalltheway – I'm so pleased you like it, your review really made me smile. There is a lot of crying but Olivia does have prenatal depression so depression equals crying but she does have some happy moments too, of course the story is far from done so we'll see where my muse takes it from here!**

**K444 – All my stories? That's going to take a while but I'm pleased you like them and yeah kissing in the rain, I wanted to be a romantic!**

**ToriRenee161 – Something I always wanted to do until me and my boyfriend did it and it is actually as romantic as they make it out to be! Haha!**

**Ren Victoria – Yeah I wanted a bit of fluff and bonding and what better to bond over than their unborn child!**

**DeLene – Thanks sweetie**

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The drive back to the cabin was long and by the time they made it inside they were both shivering but laughing in the process.

"I look like a drowned rat!" Olivia laughed as they stood by the front doors.

"You were out in that rain?" Don asked as he and Huang came to the front door seeing them both dripping wet.

"Yeah we didn't try to be." Olivia shrugged knowing she would now get some lecture about hypothermia or something.

"I'll go and get you some towels." Don smiled gently, relieved to see them back in one piece and happy.

As soon as Don was back with the towels and Huang had made them both a coffee they disappeared to get changed into some dry clothes.

Olivia was feeling tired so after having a hot shower and pulling on some pyjamas she'd curled up in bed hoping for a nap, of course with George Huang visiting there was no chance of that.

"Come in." She called when there was a knock at her bedroom door.

She pushed herself to sitting when she saw George walk into the room knowing she was about to get her head shrunk.

"Nice to see you dry and warm." Huang smiled as he walked towards the bed.

"Nice to be dry and warm." Olivia laughed as she moved tapped the space on the bed in front of her now crossed legs for George to climb up to talk to her.

He smiled and got on the bed, crossing his own legs in the process.

"Ouch that looks like it hurt." He said nodding his head towards her bruised and bloodied cheek.

"It did." Olivia shrugged, she'd been hurt worse but there was no denying that the cut to her cheek hadn't stung like a bitch when she did it.

"How did you do it?" Huang asked.

"I fell, and if Don Cragen has been telling you otherwise he's lying." Olivia hissed knowing there was every possibility that he'd told the psychiatrist that he thought Elliot had hit her.

"Don told me you'd fallen but said you were a bit scarce with the details." Huang informed her and she sighed and sunk back into her pillows.

"Elliot and I had just fallen in the river, after we climbed out we were arguing and I went to walk away, he grabbed my arm to stop me and pull me back and I slipped, he never meant to hurt me." Olivia said straight, she knew if she wasn't truthful that they'd still suspect Elliot and she wasn't going to stand by and watch that.

"Ok what were you and Elliot arguing about?" Huang asked and Olivia chuckled, she knew he would ask that.

"Don." She replied sighing again as she remembered some of the cruel things Elliot had said regarding her relationship with their superior.

"Do you want to be more specific?" Huang suggested.

"We fell into the river and when we got out I laughed and said Don wouldn't was going to wonder what on earth had happened and Elliot snapped and said it was none of his business. He then told me that Don had been warning him not to hurt me repeatedly and he was annoyed about it apparently he'd been warned five times just when I was having a nap and it had angered him some, but I explained that Dad uh Don just wants to protect me and he's worried about me but he told me that Don's not my Dad and I told him that Don's the closest thing I have to a dad and that Don's just looking out for me in the way he would for Maureen and that's when I went to walk off." Olivia explained sighing every few words as she remembered the horrible argument.

"How did you solve the argument?" Huang asked continuing to watch her movements as she talked.

"After I fell he apologised and then I laughed and said we had quite the story to tell Don when we got back considering we'd just fallen in the lake, then he panicked that Don would kill him for letting me get hurt, I told him it was an accident he didn't hurt me and then he apologised some more and told me he loved me and I told him I was happy and I was happy with him and our baby." Olivia explained.

"Are you happy?" He asked.

"Yeah, more than I have been in a long time." Olivia smiled softly.

"That's good." Huang smiled. "I'm glad you and Elliot solved your argument quickly, it shows you have faith in each other."

"I know but then when we got back and I argued with Don because he thought Elliot may have hurt me, I was furious with him for even considering it George, that's Elliot he's sat in front of Women who have raped and abused kids and he hasn't hit them what made him think Elliot would ever lay a hand on me?" She asked still in complete shock over what Don had suggested.

"I don't know Liv, he's scared for you and he's jumping to all sorts of crazy conclusions, but looking at the cut I'm not surprised he thought you'd been punched, it looks like you have." Huang explained.

"I know that but I felt he didn't trust me when I told him Elliot hadn't, do you really think if he had I would hide it? I would kick his ass if he ever laid a hand on me." Olivia explained firmly making George laugh a little.

"That's the Olivia I know." He smiled and she laughed.

"Now is that everything because I'm really tired." She said before letting out a yawn.

"I'll talk to you more after you had a nap." He smiled. "How are you sleeping Olivia?" he asked after he'd climbed off the bed.

"Sleep's disturbed." She replied as she snuggled down into the bed. "I haven't slept more than two hours straight through in God knows how long."

"Ok thank you, just rest." He smiled and out of instinct and seeing that she was almost asleep he pulled the blanket higher up to her neck before leaving her to sleep.

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While George was talking with Olivia Don and Elliot sat having a coffee in the kitchen. Elliot wasn't sure what to say to his superior so just sat and fumbled with the spoon in his mug.

"Listen Elliot." Don began and Elliot sighed, he was sure this was going to be another warning about making sure he never hurt Olivia. "I know you love her and I'm sorry if I've been a bit insufferable, I just don't want anything to happen to her."

"I know Don, I know how much she means to you and you kind of remind me of me with my kids boyfriends…" Elliot chuckled softly. "I'm not surprised when Maureen screamed at me over dinner for telling her boyfriend to never hurt her for the tenth time. But Don, I'll never intentionally hurt her, she means everything to me Don, she means more to me than life itself and I can't imagine life without her." He explained.

"I know, I'm sorry for all the warnings." Don replied sheepishly.

"Don't apologise, it's nice to see someone else cares for her you know. She loves you Don, more than she'd probably admit to you." Elliot smiled.

"I love her too Elliot." Don sighed. "Like a father loves a daughter, and I will always protect her."

"I know, I wouldn't expect anything else from you."

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**Next chapter – Back in New York Olivia tries to get back to normal**


	18. Chapter 18

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: On with the show... **

**K444 – Glad you do!**

**ToriRenee161 – You know me DRAMA is my middle name :/ lol!**

**Spacekitten2700 – Here you go!**

**Ren Victoria – It won't last!**

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Olivia, Don and Elliot had finally left the cabin. Olivia was in a foul mood after finding out the Psychiatrist at the hospital had said she wouldn't be allowed to be released unless she had someone with her at all times. She'd stropped and pointed out that she didn't need a babysitter and that she was fine but when Elliot said the choice was stay with someone or go back to the psych ward she'd given in and when Don understood she just wanted to sleep in her own bed he'd agreed to stay on her couch, much to her annoyance.

Back at Olivia's apartment she'd told Don to do what he wanted and just disappeared into her bedroom. She'd curled up in bed not wanting to talk with anyone anymore, not wanting to feel like she was being watched and criticised.

He was frustrated, he understood that she was angry at the world right now and she had every right to be with everything she'd been through. He just wish he could take away her pain, make her happy again but he couldn't do that all he could do was be there for her support her and love her as much as he could.

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Don had been to his house to get some clothing and had been grocery shopping, it seemed that while he was out Olivia had moved the couch and pulled it out into a bed as well as put fresh sheets down and a duvet and pillows and somehow had made it back into her bedroom and closed the door before he'd got back.

He was annoyed with her, she was now sixteen weeks pregnant and shouldn't have been moving furniture around but he also saw that he doing that to the couch showed she understood he would be staying and accepted it a little. He knocked lightly on her bedroom door to let her know that he was going to start cooking dinner and wanted to ask if there was anything she wanted, when there was no answer he opened the door slowly to find that the bed was made and no sign of Olivia.

Slowly he made his way over to the bathroom door, his heart hammering as he remembered what he had seen last time he was here and after knocking the door he opened it to find that it wasn't locked, the bathroom was spotless, it was obvious someone had been there and cleaned it up since Olivia had been in the hospital.

Now he worried, if Olivia wasn't in the bedroom or the bathroom he wondered where she could be. He walked out of the bedroom and closed the door behind him before he spotted the second door slightly ajar. He walked to it and knocked unsure what he was supposed to find on the other side. He walked in quietly and found Olivia sleeping in the brilliant white rocking chair with a small yellow blanket wrapped around her knees and a large lion stuffed animal in her hand.

He looked around the nursery and smiled. The brilliant white wooden furniture glistened in the late evening sun coming through the window. The pale yellow walls were covered in large palm tree stickers and jungle themed animal stickers. He smiled at the decision Olivia had made to have a theme to the bedroom even though she didn't know yet if she was having a son or a daughter.

Slowly he left the room pulling the door behind him, he didn't want to wake Olivia when she looked so peaceful so he decided he'd just make something he knew she liked for dinner.

While he was in the dinner he spotted a white board on the wall with scribbles of information on them in red green and black, he scanned it and spotted tomorrow's date with ten thirty am circled and underlined, he guessed it was important and reminded himself to ask Olivia at dinner what it was.

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Olivia woke up of her own accord, she smiled contently as she found where she had fallen asleep. Her mind forgetting the torment for a while as she thought of her future and that of her unborn child. She folded the yellow blanket and placed it on the side of the crib and returned the lion to the corner of the crib with the elephant and monkey. After scanning around the room once more she quickly left the smell of chicken burgers hitting her nostrils as soon as she'd closed the nursery door.

Taking a breath she wondered if Don was annoyed with her at how she'd behaved, she had acted as if she wasn't grateful for everything he was doing for her and it wasn't that, she was grateful to him for everything but she just wanted her freedom back, she felt like a perp who was incarcerated not a cop who'd had a bit of a breakdown.

"Hey." He smiled when he saw her. "I was about to come wake you."

"I'm up." She smiled weakly, she wasn't sure how to act around him anymore.

"You hungry?" He asked as he loaded the burgers onto buns.

"Yeah I think so." She smiled.

"Well there's plenty of food, I always make too much." He smiled.

"I noticed." She laughed and so did he, he was just pleased to see her relax a little.

"So Olivia, I wasn't snooping but I saw tomorrow's date highlighted on your dry wipe board with the time of ten thirty how come?" He asked as he placed some chips on the plates.

"Uh…" Olivia thought for a moment, she couldn't remember what was important at then thirty the next morning, she thought of everything she had coming up before she actually remembered what it was. "I have an OB appointment with the baby." Olivia explained.

"Ok." Don smiled.

"Will you …" Olivia broke up and looked at the floor as her handles fumbled in her lap.

"Will I what?" He asked softly as he picked up the plates and carried them around to the dining table.

"Would you come with me tomorrow?" She asked without looking at him.

He couldn't hide the joy he felt at her asking, the smile spread on his face and he glowed with excitement.

"I'd really like that Olivia." He smiled and she finally looked at him with a smile of her own on her face.

"Thank you." She told him.

"Never thank me for being there for you Olivia, whenever you need me I'm here for you." He told her giving her nose a little flick making her laugh, he never failed to remind her what she had missed growing up without a father figure but she never felt saddened by it, just overwhelmed and lucky that she could have it now even if she was an adult.

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**Next chapter – The sonogram and Olivia and Elliot come face to face, I love DRAMA!**


	19. Chapter 19

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**So sorry it's been a long time, a mistake was pointed out to me that in the last chapter I said sixteen weeks pregnant when Olivia would actually be 18 weeks by that point, thank you for pointing it out and now you all know!**

**A/N: On with the show... **

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The next morning Olivia and Don left her apartment to go to the OBGYN's office. They met Elliot outside and she held his hand tight as they walked inside.

"Ok?" Elliot asked once she'd let them know she'd arrived and went to sit in the waiting room.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded. "Just scared."

"I know." He said kissing the top of her head softly.

After twenty minutes sitting in silence Olivia was relieved when her name was called.

The three of them walked into the room and Olivia was told to hop on the table and roll up her jumper. As the gel was applied to her growing bump Olivia held tight to Elliot's hand.

"Now then…" The Doctor smiled rolling the Doppler over Olivia's stomach. "Here we go." She tapped her nail against the screen and Olivia, Elliot and Don smiled as they look at the moving baby on the screen. "Now would you like to know the sex?"

"You can tell?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah." The Doctor nodded.

Olivia looked at Elliot who shrugged, he didn't mind if she wanted to know or not.

"Yes, please." Olivia said smiling.

"Well Ms Benson you're having a baby boy, due on the third of January. Congratulations." The Doctor smiled as a solitary tear slipped down Olivia's cheek.

"Our boy." Elliot whispered.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded. "Our boy."

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After leaving the OBGYN's office Don, Elliot and Olivia went out for lunch and she tried to relax as much as she could even though she wanted nothing more than to have some alone time, that was something she wasn't allowed to have until the baby was born or at least not proper alone time as she found that when she went to her room or to the bathroom she could have a good hour to herself before Don checked up on her. She wasn't surprised at any of this but she did resent it a lot.

"Right I 'm going into the office so Olivia, Elliot's going to stay with you ok?" Don said as they left the diner.

"Sure whatever." She replied walking off on her own not caring about what either one of them thought, she just wanted time alone to clear her head.

"I'll talk with her." Elliot reassured Don and he nodded, he knew Olivia was stressed about having someone with her all the time but he also knew that she needed it for her own sake and the sake of her baby.

Elliot hurried after Olivia and walked in silence beside her the whole way back to the apartment.

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"Elliot." Olivia said softly as she excited her bedroom after calming down and hatching up a plan.

"What is it Liv?" He asked turning the TV on mute so he could give her all his attention.

"I'm really craving cream cheese bagels, you know the ones from Perry's." Olivia said and Elliot sighed.

"Liv that's all the way on 7th avenue." Elliot said and Olivia nodded.

"Please El? You can take my car." She whispered and he sighed and nodded.

"Will you be ok while I go?" He asked knowing he had to trust her a little or she'd resent him in the long run.

"Course I will, I was about to have a bath but if you want to remove all razors before I do you can I mean there's only one in there anyway and it's Don's, he already removed all of mine." Olivia replied snapping a little.

"I trust you Liv." He smiled going over and kissing her head.

"Love you El." She said giving him a hug.

"I love you to Liv." He smiled before turning on his heels. "Cream cheese bagels it is anything else?"

"Yeah good coffee." She laughed and he nodded before heading out leaving her alone for the first time in too long.

As soon as she was sure he'd be gone she ran into her bedroom feeling just a little guilty for what she was about to do but she didn't care, she had to do this.

She threw some clothes into a bag knowing there was only so much she could carry with the baby but needing to take enough things to last her, she then went into the kitchen and took her prenatal vitamins and just to put her friends minds at rest she scribbled a note before hurrying out, needing desperately to get away and she'd already decided where she was going to so she hailed a cab and jumped in trying to remind herself that this was better for her than staying cooped up in the apartment was.

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"Liv! I'm back." Elliot called as he entered the apartment with the groceries.

He placed them on the kitchen counter and walked to the bedroom.

"Liv?" He asked poking his head around the door but she wasn't there.

He knocked on the bathroom door but again no reply so he opened it and it was obvious that she hadn't even been in the bath. His heart rate increased dramatically as he realised she wasn't there.

He rushed into the kitchen and grabbed his cell phone and that's when he spotted the note.

Shit! He thought as he quickly called Don.

"Don… Olivia's gone." He said.

"What? I'm on my way round now do you know where?" Don replied.

"No but she left a note." Elliot replied as the tears spilt down his cheeks, he felt so guilty.

"Ok I'm on my way." Don said before hanging up.

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**Next chapter – Next chapter, where is Liv? How long will they take to find her?**


	20. Chapter 20

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: On with the show... **

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Olivia sat back in her chair and smiled, she knew what she had done was awful but she needed to get away from them all, she needed the peace and the freedom that she'd always had, being dependant on people wasn't something she was used to at all.

No one would find her here. She'd left her phone at the apartment, she'd paid for her hotel by cash so they wouldn't be able to trace her by her credit cards and she'd also changed taxi's numerous times and stopped in random places to take out cash so whenever they got a lead they'd lose it again and the trail would go cold.

After eating a large meal she made her way to get some cash and hired a car so she could drive to the hotel she'd just booked before anyone picked up her scent, she'd given them her mother's name and used for the first time the money her mother had left her using that card meaning looking for 'Olivia Benson' would be impossible.

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Don arrived at the apartment with Fin, Munch and Huang. Elliot was visibly distraught as he passed the men the note that she had left behind.

_Dear Elliot and Don, _

_I'm so sorry but I can't do it anymore. I tried to be patient and just live with the situation but I really can't anymore. I'm too independent and need my freedom so I've taken some time to get my head together. _

_Don't worry, I'm completely safe and I've not got any plans on doing anything stupid I just need to be alone for a bit, I want to be able to have a bath that lasts longer than an hour and not worry that someone's going to check up on me, I want to cook for myself and lay in bed all day doing nothing and not have people worried that I'm sleeping too much. _

_I'll be back as soon as I'm ready to be back, once I feel that I'm ok and that you all with be over the fact that I was sick because believe it or not I feel more myself now than I have done in weeks. _

_By the way, I'm not stupid either and I am definitely a person who doesn't want to be found and I've already taken every precaution to make sure you won't find me so don't even bother looking, like I've already said, I'll be back when I'm ready to be back. _

_I'm so sorry_

_Liv xx_

"Shit." Don sighed dropping onto the armchair beside him.

"What do we do?" Elliot asked desperately, it was the love of his life and their unborn son that was missing.

"Wait." Huang said taking one of the other empty seats.

"What?" Munch and Fin asked simultaneously.

"Wait for her to come back, guys there is no point any of us trying to find her because we will fail. Like she said, she's not stupid and she's a person who doesn't want to be found." Huang informed them.

"But what about my son?" Elliot yelled angrily. "She has my boy!"

"It's her son too Elliot." Huang snapped, he loved Olivia to pieces and he wasn't going to let Elliot make it out that she didn't want her son.

"I know but… what if she's not ok?" Elliot asked.

"Elliot's right." Don said standing up. "We need to find her and fast."

"There's going to be no fast about it Don, wherever she is she will have made it very hard for us to track her if not impossible." Huang informed him and Don nodded in agreement.

"I know that, but it's _not_ impossible, we don't know how she will be later or tomorrow I mean what if she tries to do something stupid again, I swear when we find her she needs to go back to the hospital till the kid is born." Don said. "She can't pull stunts like this and get away with it."

"I'm with Don and as her medical proxy I get to make that decision, when we find her she's going straight to the psych ward at Bellevue." Elliot said getting to his feet.

"That's your decision Elliot but I wouldn't be surprised if she pushes you even further away because of it." Huang replied.

"I don't care about her right now I care about my son being born healthy." Elliot hissed and he rushed to the door quickly followed by the rest of the men.

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After arriving in Long Beach and dropping her things off in the hotel she made her way out onto the beach. She inhaled the deep air and smiled happily, this was peace. As she walked barefooted in the sand she realised exactly what she had done and felt like a fugitive but she really could care. She stroked her hand over her bump and enjoyed the wind whipping her full length maxi dress and the sun glare on her glasses.

She made her way over to the ice cream van and bought herself a vanilla whip before making her way over to a bench to sit down and watch the ocean for a bit, she finally felt at peace, for the first time since she'd slept with Elliot.

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"Ok so the last time anyone saw Olivia was four hours ago now where are we on her?" Don asked angrily, the longer they didn't know where Olivia was the harder it was to keep cool.

"We pulled up her financials and the last time she touched her money was before she went to the hospital, her rent goes out automatically." Fin said as she scanned over the papers he'd pulled.

"Are you sure that's the only account Olivia has?" Don asked.

"No she has a savings account which she deposits one hundred dollars a month from her wages which she has been doing since she first joined the police force but she hasn't touched a penny of it so it just keeps building and two months ago she opened a third account in which she deposited three grand and hasn't touched it since, high interest account so it grows three point six percent a week." Fin explained.

"Where did Olivia get three grand from to deposit into an account?" Don asked in surprised.

"From her normal account, she opened the account and transferred it over, she's not a big spender Cap' her rent is the only regular thing that goes out of her account, NYPD pays for her cell phone and she takes out one hundred dollars every Monday morning for whatever reason but that's it." Fin explained, he'd already dug through to make sure there wasn't an illegal reason for the three grand.

"She's really not a big spender is she." Elliot said, he'd known about the hundred dollar thing she'd always done, it was to make sure she always had cash for lunch and dinner when she ordered out which was more often than not and whatever she had left on a Sunday she'd put in a pot … when he remembered that he gasped.

"Captain Olivia … when she takes one hundred dollars out if she doesn't spend it she puts it into a box in her bedroom, it's a pink box with purple swirls and she keeps it in the cabinet above the wardrobe." Elliot said.

"Ok Elliot go back to the house and see if the money's there. Munch and Fin start canvassing her neighbours and see if anyone saw her leave." Don said.

The three Detectives quickly hurried off leaving Don with Huang.

"The worst thing is I can't even make a missing persons report on her." He sighed.

"Well you could." George replied.

"No I can't that letter proves she left on her own accord." Don explained.

"Go to family court and get them to say the child is in danger and then they have to put a missing persons out on Olivia." George replied.

"But the only way the child is in danger is if Liv is in danger or is… no George I couldn't." Don replied.

"Yes you could, she has pre partum psychosis and needs to be on a locked ward getting treatment Don, if Elliot says that's where he wants her in family court for the sake of their unborn child then the court have to issue Olivia as missing and wanted as they have to put the welfare of the child first." George explained and Don realised the shrink was right, they had to but once they did that it would mean Olivia would be classed as a fugitive on the run and he wasn't sure if he was ok with that.

"Until then I'm going to put a BOLO out on her, every cop knows who she is and hopefully one of them will see her then when Elliot comes back I'll discuss family court with him." Don replied. "Right now I think he'll go for it because he wants his son safe."

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**Next chapter – The hunt for Olivia is on, will they find her?**


	21. Chapter 21

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**SOME OF YOU ARE REALLY GOING TO HATE WHERE I TAKE THIS BUT I PROMISE BY THE END OF THE STORY THERE WILL BE LOST OF EO!**

**A/N: On with the show... **

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After having a long bath and enjoying being able to shave her legs for the first time in a month Olivia made her way back out to have dinner.

She enjoyed a large chicken and fries meal, for the first time getting to choose what she ate since leaving the hospital because whoever had been staying with her had always been cooking and she'd been too ashamed of having a babysitter to ask for what she wanted to eat even when she was offered.

Once she left the restaurant she made her way over to a phone store and bought herself a prepaid cell phone so that she could call her friends and let them know she was safe.

As she walked back to the hotel she tried to figure out who she should call, Elliot and Don were out of the question.

Once back at the hotel she called one of the numbers she'd scribbled down before leaving, having known she'd probably want to talk to someone once she got away.

"Hey."

_Oh my God Olivia where are you?_

"That doesn't matter and don't bother trying to trace me it's a prepaid cell." She said.

_Guessed that, you've made it impossible for us to trace you so far._

"You're never going to find me Munch ok? I'm calling to let you all know I'm safe and I'm ok and I'll be back when I'm ready to come back and you should stop trying to look for me ok? I'll call again soon. Bye."

She hung up knowing that there was no way she'd stayed on the phone long enough for them to trace her.

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"Olivia called Munch." Fin said as the two of them walked into the precinct.

"What did she say?" Don asked hurriedly.

"Just said she was ok, she was calling from a prepaid cell and that we should stop trying to look for her." Munch said and Don sighed, he couldn't understand why she'd called Munch.

He nodded weakly as he thought.

"You might want to see this though." Fin said waving a video.

"What is it?" Don asked.

"CCTV Footage from the bodega opposite her apartment block which is pointed towards her apartment block, a neighbour was taking out of the trash saw Olivia jump out of the building hail a cab and jumped in, apparently she looked in a hurry." Fin explained.

"Fine both of you take that type down to Morales and get the taxi number so we can find out where he took her, we're bringing her home!" He yelled as they had already started walking away knowing there was no way he'd give up just as Elliot walked in.

"Money in the box is gone but she did leave the log of how much was in there." Elliot said waving a little pink booklet around.

"And?" Don asked.

"There was five grand in there which had built up over the years, I don't think it was all change from her hundred pound a week pocket money though because she put a grand in there all at once according to this." Elliot said.

"Go back through her financials and see if you can find out where that extra grand came from, I don't like it but it could help us find her." Don replied softly.

"Yeah did Munch and Fin get anything?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah, she called Munch from a prepaid cell." Don knew there was no point hiding it from Elliot.

"What? Did she say where she was?" Elliot asked hurriedly, he just wanted to find her.

"No, just said she was safe, said she'd not left a trail and we should stop looking for her. They also found a neighbour who saw Olivia leave the apartment and jump into a cab they have CCTV footage and so they've taken the tape down to Morales and see if they could get the taxi number and we can track her." Don explained.

Elliot nodded weakly, he just wanted to find her and wrap his arms around her even if she was safe he wanted to see her, to touch her and wrap his hands over the bump that cocooned his unborn son.

"There is something else." Don near whispered knowing there was a chance that Elliot wouldn't go along with Huang's idea.

"What?" Elliot asked as he sat down sensing whatever Don was going to say wasn't going to make anything better.

"George thinks we could get a missing persons out on her by going through family court and saying the baby is in danger." Don replied business like knowing that keeping this professional would stop him from breaking.

"What?" Elliot asked. "But that would mean…"

"Yeah you'd have to say that you're worried Olivia is a danger to the baby." Don finished for him.

"She'd kill us." Elliot replied weakly.

"Yeah but at least she and the baby would be back and safe."

"Ok, I need a lawyer to subpoena Olivia but once she doesn't turn up she's going to be in contempt." Elliot replied.

"Exactly and we get to class her as a fugitive and then you can put her in Belleview till they think she's safe to look after herself." Don replied.

"I have to do it." Elliot sighed. "She tried to kill herself Don and she's psychotic, I should have listened to that psych at Mercy and have her sectioned then, call Hendrix I want her to be Olivia's primary."

"I'll call her now just call a lawyer." Don replied and Elliot grabbed the phone.

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Munch and Fin were with Morales and he found the moment Olivia left the apartment.

"She really was in a hurry." Munch sighed.

"She even looked to make sure no one was around." Fin sighed as they watched Olivia hail a cab.

"Guys she looks desperate." Morales pointed out.

"She was, she's been a prisoner for so long." Munch replied.

"Hey Don and Elliot are just looking out for Baby Girl." Fin argued.

"Yeah that's what they think they're doing, but she's independent, she's used to running around with a gun and now she's not even trusted to be on her own let alone carry a weapon she's carried with her for the past eight years come on man, she just wants to be alone!" Munch argued, he'd talked with her on the phone and he'd heard her more relaxed than he'd heard her in such a long time that he'd realised they were all to blame for why she'd thought running off was the only option.

"Well there's your Cab number." Morales said.

"Print that picture off for us too man." Fin said deciding not to argue with Munch because he was actually agreeing a little with him.

"I'll call Cragen." Munch said stepping outside while the printer fired into life.

"I hope you find her man, she needs to be around her family." Morales said to Fin.

"Me too man, she's not herself right now." Fin replied with a soft sigh as he lifted the picture from the printer.

"Just let me know when she's safe!" Morales called as Fin stepped outside giving him a slight wave to let him know he heard.

Munch was waiting for Fin when he stepped into the colder evening air.

"Well?" Fin asked without lifting his eyes from the picture, Olivia actually looked scared in the photo and it unnerved it.

"Cragen wants us to follow the Cab so we should go find out who drives it, it's a silver line taxi so let's go to their office and see who drives this one." Munch explained.

"Ok." Fin nodded and they began walking towards the car.

"What's on your mind Fin?" Munch asked.

"She doesn't want to be found, she's called and she says she's safe." Fin replied with a heavy sigh.

"I know." Munch nodded in agreement.

"So why are we chasing her? She ran away, no one took her, no one forced her to do anything this time but she was given a choice three weeks ago, either stay in the hospital or be babysat and she didn't want either one but she had to choose so she did. If you were given that choice how would it make you feel?" Fin asked as they got into the car.

"I don't know, I'd feel locked up, like I wasn't trusted by anyone." Munch replied.

"Exactly, she shouldn't have been made to feel like that Munch, we should have trusted her, Elliot and Cragen should have trusted her but none of us did John, none of us and the only option we gave her was running away from everything and everyone who loves her. Can you imagine being in her position, I'd have done exactly the same just I wouldn't have been so kind as to let you all know that I was safe I'd have just gone and let you all worry as pay back." Fin explained angrily, the truth was the more he thought about her the angrier he got but not with her, with everyone involved with making her a prisoner within her own body, no one should ever be made to feel the way they had made her feel.

"I hear ya man." Munch replied. "I would do exactly the same but Cragen wants us to find her so we will, just hopefully when we find her they'll realise she's better off on her own."

"Yeah, maybe." John replied as they arrived outside the cab house. "Now let's go find out where Olivia was dropped off."

Fin nodded and they both exited the car and walked into the old building that held the silver line cab company.

"Detective Munch, Detective Tutuola we're trying to find the driver of this cab." Munch said handing over the photo of Olivia.

"Hmm hold on a sec…" The bald beer bellied man started typing into the computer and Munch and Fin just waited patiently. "That cab has two drivers Marcus Logan and Henry Bogart if you can tell me when this was I can tell you which one was driving it."

"One this afternoon." Munch replied.

"Marcus Logan was driving it." The man replied.

"Where can we find him?" Fin asked hurriedly.

"He finished at five pm so he's either in the diner across the street, the horses head around the corner or at home."

"Have you got a picture and an address?"

"Can you tell me what this is about?" He asked as he hammered into his computer again.

"The woman in the picture, that's what this is about." Munch replied knowing that the man wanted to know if Marcus Logan was in trouble.

"So Marcus not done anything?" The man asked as the printed roared into life.

"No he hasn't we just have some questions about the woman in the picture, he's just a witness." Munch reassured.

The man nodded and handed over the picture of Marcus and the address and Munch and Fin hurried out to find their witness.

After visiting the diner and coming up blank someone informed them that he was getting drunk at the pub so they hurried off there hoping he would be sober enough to tell them where Olivia was.

"Yeah I remember her, she seemed panicked is she ok?" Marcus asked and Fin and Munch found he was sober enough to talk.

"We don't know because we don't know where she is, where did you drop her off?" Munch asked.

"Uh a bar uh upper east side a dive of a place uh… what was it called … The velvet room, I remember thinking what was a pregnant lady doing going to a bar." Marcus replied.

"Thank you." Munch replied.

"I hope you find her and she's safe, lovely woman gave me a fifty dollar tip."

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Back at the precinct Elliot was in the interview room with Miranda Pond the defence attorney.

"I'll be honest with you Detective Stabler I'm not happy about this Olivia's my friend and if you go through with this she's going to need every friend she has that isn't involved." Miranda replied.

"I need you Miranda what about my son?" Elliot asked desperately.

"I don't know Elliot but call a different lawyer, please? Because I don't want to be the person to help you lock Olivia up." Miranda replied. "If anything, I'm going to represent her because this might be breaking confidentiality but she's had me on retainer since she was arrested for murder, I wouldn't accept the amount I do off other clients but she does pay me Elliot and now I am leaving and I'll see you in court." Miranda explained getting to her feet.

"I just want her and my boy safe." Elliot said turning to her.

"That's what we all want Elliot and she says she's safe, she left herself and I will fight tooth and nail for her." Miranda replied before walking out.

Elliot sat back down and dropped his head into his hands.

"Elliot you need to call someone else." Don said.

"I know, why didn't I know Olivia had a lawyer on retainer?" Elliot questioned.

"How much do you really know a person, even the person you love?" Don replied and Elliot nodded in agreement.

"I know it's cruel but I'm going to call Langan, since he and Olivia broke up he's hated her." Elliot sighed picking up his cell.

"Do what you gotta do." Don replied just as the door opened and Munch and Fin walked in. "What have you got?" Don asked hurriedly.

"Olivia was dropped off outside the velvet room on one hundred tenth and Broadway." Munch said.

"What? A bar?" Elliot asked.

"It's more than that, it's the bar where her Mom got drunk before she fell down the subway stairs." Don informed the men and they all looked at him in surprise.

"Why would she go there?" Elliot asked in shock.

"Her Mom lived about a block away… that's where Liv is." Don said jumping to his feet.

"Let's go." Elliot replied.

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**Next chapter – The Hunt continues and Elliot goes to court**


	22. Chapter 22

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: On with the show... **

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Don, Munch and Fin got outside her Mom's old apartment and they knocked on the door and waited. Elliot was back in the squad room sorting stuff through with Langan.

"Olivia! If you're in there open up!" Don yelled. "We will break it down!"

No reply came so Don nodded to Fin who kicked the door and it flew open.

They hurried inside and quickly ran from room to room but there was no trace of Olivia having been there recently.

"This was her plan." Munch said sitting down on the old couch which was covered by plastic.

"What do you mean?" Don asked.

"She's sending us on a wild goose chase, she caught a cab here, what do you wanna bet that she jumped into a cab outside here and continued on her journey? She's gone Don and I bet she's not even in Manhattan now." Munch replied angrily.

"That might be the case but we have to chase down every lead." Don snapped.

"She doesn't want to be found Cap! Leave her be!" Munch hissed. "You know I'm not going to help you on this case anymore because this is cruel, Liv wants some alone time we should give it to her."

"John she's not herself! She's sick!" Don argued.

"And I think you're making her sicker." Munch replied.

"You do? Fine, but I am not stopping because I remember going into that bathroom and seeing Olivia lying there naked and bleeding, I remember the blood red of the water in the bathroom and I remember her sobbing her heart out in her psychosis." Don snapped.

"Don's right." Fin sighed. "You know in all the rush looking for her I forgot what she looked like unconscious in that bath tub John and it wasn't pretty, I don't want to sit down and have to look at suicide pictures because she got lost in her own head."

"She's really that sick?" John asked weakly and both men nodded at him. "Then we need to find her and remind her she's loved and has a reason for living before she does something stupid, come on someone has got to know where she went from here."

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"Well you've definitely got a case." Langan informed Elliot after he'd been told the whole story and what Elliot wanted.

"Good." Elliot nodded feeling a little bit relieved.

"The only thing is when the baby is born she'll have to go back to court to fight for custody you would be given the choice of taking custody or allowing the state to take custody until Olivia is deemed fit to looking after the kid." Langan explained. "Or psych services clear her before the baby is born which isn't likely."

"Ok, so basically I have to choose to take my son from Olivia until she's deemed fit, which would mean I couldn't live with her?" Elliot was confused.

"Exactly." Langan replied. "If you chose to live with her then the state would take custody and you'd both have to fight together for your child, she would be automatically given supervised visits but if she wanted anything more she would have to take you back to court."

"It's what I have to do." Elliot sighed, he knew Olivia would hate him for ever for what he was about to do but he knew it was what he had to do.

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"Have you seen this woman?" Don asked showing a picture of Olivia.

"Yes." The man nodded. "Yesterday around three pm."

Don, Munch and Fin had rushed around Manhattan and followed every lead till they landed at a car hire company.

"Did she hire a car?" Don asked.

"Yeah she asked if where our stations were so she could hand over the car when she was done." The man replied.

"Ok we need all the details on her and the car." Don said just as his phone rang.

"Not without a warrant." The man replied as Cragen opened his phone.

"Cragen… ok … good luck Elliot ok and let us know the result." Don snapped the phone shut. "This woman is heavily pregnant and is mentally vulnerable and missing we need to find her before something happens to her or the baby. Now tell us where Olivia is!"

"Olivia? Her name's Serena." The man replied with a frown.

"Serena? Isn't that Liv's Mom's name?" Fin asked.

"Yeah, Munch go back to the precinct and find out if Olivia has an account still in Serena's name… I should have known as soon as we ended up at her house." Don sighed.

"Why can't Stabler do it?" Munch asked.

"Because Elliot's in court this morning trying to get custody of his kid." Don replied.

"The kid is still inside Olivia how is that even possible?" Munch asked.

"She's a danger to the kid…"

"I want nothing more to do with this, I'll help find Olivia but just so she can defend herself and in the process I am going to be on the phone with Olivia's lawyer to make sure she's receiving an adequate defence this is a load of crap!" Munch snapped before walking out and snapping his phone open to ring Miranda.

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Elliot stood beside Trevor Langan in the court room as Miranda began to defend Olivia and explain why she wasn't in the courtroom.

"She's on the run!" Langan called.

"No she isn't Miss Benson wanted a break, she left to get away from the people keeping her prisoner in her own home and they now think she's a danger to her own child and decided to bring her to court, no one knows where she is so she isn't dodging a subpoena your honour she was hiding before anyone had a reason to bring her to court." Miranda explained.

"Ok so your client isn't in contempt Ms Pond but Mr Langan's client does have a case here." The judge replied. "So I'll hear opening arguments starting with you Ms Pond."

"Detective Olivia Benson did suffer a case of pre-partum psychosis, she did slit her wrists and ended up on a seventy two hour psych old which she didn't complete and she agreed with the hospital that she should be supervised and went with Captain Don Cragen to his cabin for a holiday, on her return she found out that the supervision would continue, she stayed at her own apartment but Captain Cragen stayed with her every night and Detective Stabler, Detective Munch and Detective Tutuola took it in turns to stay with her during the day, she felt locked up in her own home the only thing she was able to do was hide away in her bedroom pushing her deeper into a depression and the only thing she felt like doing was getting away, she wanted a break and so she wrote a letter apologising but also stated that she wanted a break and wanted her freedom and the letter might I add is Defence A. She also called Detective Munch from wherever she is told him that she was safe and told them to stop looking for her and that she would be home when she was ready. Miss Benson would be happy to tell you all of this herself if she hadn't been forced to run away."

"Ok Mr Langan?"

"Detective Benson as Ms Pond said tried to commit suicide putting the life of her and Mr Stabler's unborn son at risk, she agreed to the terms set out by the hospital but then changed her mind however the hospital told Mr Stabler that if he couldn't carry out the terms and refuse to have her sectioned for her own safety they would come into court and take the decision out of his hands, he now realises that they were right, he needed to have her sectioned for her safety and for the safety of their unborn child, that's our problem here, her being unable to bond with her child is a guarantee with having Pre-partum and Mr Stabler is worried about his child's welfare, we have Captain Cragen and Detective Tutuola as witnesses to how Detective Benson was found after her first suicide attempt and will testify that she is still not in the right state of mind."

Trevor sat down and the judge thought for a moment.

"Because Detective Benson is MIA she is unable to adequately prepare a defence, however in the affidavit from the hospital the psychiatrist states that Detective Benson will continue to suffer the effects of her illness until after the child is born and receives counselling. Because of this I am issuing an arrest warrant for Detective Benson for endangering the welfare of a child and on her capture she will be sent to Belleview psychiatric as asked by the prosecution and placed under the care of the state and Doctor Rebecca Hendrix, until such time that Detective Benson can adequately help in her own defence the custody of the child will go to Detective Stabler." The judge slammed his gavel and Miranda quickly stormed out, she needed to find Olivia and fast.

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**Next chapter – Who finds Olivia and what happens on her return to Manhattan?**


	23. Chapter 23

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: On with the show... **

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"How on earth did you find me?" Olivia snapped to Miranda as they stayed face to face in the hotel room.

"Don got so far before he lost you but you once told me about coming to this hotel with your Mom when you were younger, it was easy to put two and two together but Olivia I am not here to tell you to go back and take what they are giving you I am here to tell you that you have to hand yourself over." Miranda explained.

"Hand myself over for what?" She asked.

"There's an arrest warrant on you." Miranda replied weakly as Olivia's face fell in shock.

"Arrest warrant? I haven't committed a crime!" Olivia yelled.

"I know but the court disagreed…"

"The court?" Olivia gasped.

"Yeah Elliot took you to family court, a subpoena was sent out for you but you couldn't be found the judge decided to put an arrest warrant out for endangering the welfare of a child and sentenced you to Belleview."

"Sentenced? How without me even being there?" Olivia snapped.

"It's what Elliot asked for, as soon as you're found you'll be arrested and taken straight to Belleview where you will be under the care of the state and Doctor Rebecca Hendrix…"

"Oh no… no no no they can lock me up in a prison before I go to a psych unit… no Miranda please?" She began to cry as she realised that running away was definitely the wrong thing to do.

"I'm sorry Olivia, once we're back in New York we'll start a rebuttal case." Miranda promised.

"There's more isn't there?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah… the state has awarded custody of baby boy Stabler to Elliot…"

"It's baby boy Benson." Olivia snapped. "And it's not Elliot's kid."

"What?" Miranda asked. "Please tell me you're lying."

"I am lying but Elliot is not having _my_ kid." Olivia replied. "He's getting nowhere near him and they can't force me to have an amnio."

"They could get a court order but because of your illness but I can't let you lie under oath…"

"And as the defendant I don't have to testify." Olivia replied. "He's not getting my kid Miranda."

"Ok." Miranda nodded. "I will do what I can to help you Olivia but first we have to get back to Manhattan, you turning up on your own will work in your favour."

"Do I let them arrest me or do I go straight to Belleview?" Olivia asked as the tears fell down her cheeks.

"You need to hand yourself over to the one six and let them take you to Belleview." Miranda explained.

"I'll never forgive him Miranda, this is the last straw he's supposed to be my best friend…"

"I know." Miranda said putting her hand in Olivia's shoulder.

"I'm going to call them first, let them know I'm on my way." Olivia sighed picking up the throw away cell phone.

"Why don't you leave it till morning Olivia? I'll stay here with you tonight then we'll go back to Manhattan in the morning?" Miranda suggested.

"No, the sooner the better." Olivia replied knocking call on one of the numbers.

_Stabler. _

"Elliot it's Olivia."

_Liv._

"Yeah uh I'm going to be in the one six in about an hour and a half I just thought I'd let you know that I hate you and that you're getting nowhere near my son because guess what Elliot he's not even yours and thanks a lot for not trusting me and taking me to court you know I've had a lovely couple of days alone with sun and sea and I feel more myself than I have in so long so I am warning you that the first thing I do when I get to Belleview is notifying them that you, Don and Fin aren't allowed to visit and the next time you'll see me after arresting me for endangering the welfare of a child will be in court when I sue you and regain custody of my son."

_Liv I'm sorry…_

"It's too late for sorry Elliot."

_How did you know there was an arrest warrant on you?_

"You know I actually have friends close enough to figure out where I was, you weren't one of them." Olivia replied as she cried.

_Please Olivia I am so sorry I just need to make sure you're safe…_

"My word isn't good enough for you anymore?" She yelled.

_No Liv… you're not yourself at the moment you're sick…_

"Oh shut. Up!" Olivia yelled. "All you have done Elliot is make me hate you and I promise you as soon as I regain custody of my son who might I remind you isn't yours you'll never see me again and neither will Don or Fin, none of you will get near me or my son again."

_Liv don't do this!_

"It's done, have the cuffs ready because I'm leaving now."

_Where are you I'll come and get you?_

"No Elliot I already have a real friend here with me who's bringing me back."

She hung up before Elliot could say anymore and dropped her head into her hands as she broke out in wracked sobs.

Miranda hurried over to her and pulled her into a hug.

"You're ok Olivia, I'm going to make sure that you get the custody of your boy Olivia, I promise." Miranda replied.

"Don't make promises you can't keep Miranda." She replied. "Come on I need to get back to New York."

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Elliot was pacing Don's office with tears falling from his eyes just after talking with Olivia, he heard the hatred in her voice that she didn't need to tell him that she hated him because he could already tell.

"Why on earth did I listen to you?" Elliot hissed towards his superior.

"Elliot…"

"No this was your idea and George's idea and I went along with it to make sure that Olivia was safe and now she's saying that the baby isn't mine and saying that none of us will see her again… she said that once she's in Belleview she's making sure that you, me and Fin are allowed nowhere near her and I'm sure she'll stop George from seeing her too once she knows he told you to tell me." Elliot argued angrily.

"Listen Elliot! Belleview is the safest place for her and her baby right now and if you want to fight about the kid you go back to court because I'm sure she'll be taking you but just remember she's only eighteen weeks along and you can have a termination up until twenty four weeks and she will do it before she lets you bring up her kid without her."

"You think she'd do that?" Elliot asked. "She wants nothing more than to be a Mom."

"I think she's scared and sick and she would do something irrational in her state of mind." Don replied honestly.

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"Ready?" Miranda asked as she pulled up outside the one six.

"Would I ever be?" Olivia asked honestly. "I never thought I'd have to surrender myself to the police for anything especially not something special victims would be called too."

"You're not a criminal Olivia and the only reason there was a warrant put out was because you were MIA now you're back I'm in court tomorrow to have the charge vacated which they will because you're sick and you're a cop." Miranda reassured.

"Do I need to be in court tomorrow?" Olivia asked.

"You don't need to be, if they ask for you then you can be there." Miranda replied.

"I want to be there." Olivia said.

"I know and it's you're fifth amendment right to be there Liv but just me going there and saying as soon as you knew that you were needed for court that you handed yourself over and went to Belleview without a fight and are there having treatment then they're more likely to vacate the arrest, I tell them you chose not to be there so you can continue treatment."

"Ok." Olivia nodded. "Am I really going to be in Belleview for the next twenty two weeks?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know I think you'll be there until you're declared fit and healthy…"

"You mean until they think I won't hurt my baby." Olivia replied with a sigh.

"None of us thinks you'd ever hurt your kid Liv." Miranda replied.

"I know." Olivia nodded. "Except the court."

"Yeah well even the courts aren't always right."

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It had been an hour and a half since Olivia's call and Elliot had been back to her apartment and packed everything she would need for her stay in Belleview because the second she arrived she would be escorted straight there. He'd been convincing himself that this was for the best but he now hated himself for doing it.

When she walked into the bullpen with Miranda by her side Elliot's heart rate increased dramatically, he jumped to his feet and Don rushed to his side. Munch walked to her and hugged her tight.

"I'm on your side." He whispered to her before kissing her cheek lightly.

"I know Miranda told me everything." She replied.

She walked up to Elliot and looked him straight in the eye before slugging him.

"Now you can add assaulting a cop to the list of charges." She hissed before turning her back and putting her wrists together.

"We're not cuffing you Liv." Don said.

"My name's Olivia." She hissed. "You lost the privilege to call me Liv the second you stopped trusting me." She said turning her back.

"You're being irrational Olivia." Don replied.

"No I'm not." She replied. "I have every right to be angry and sad and frustrated and confused."

"Yes you do…"

"Don't talk to me like a victim!" She yelled. "Now…" She said a little calmer. "I want to go to Belleview."

"We'll leave now, Elliot's already packed you a bag."

"I'll drive Olivia you can escort us." Miranda said stepping beside Olivia.

"Ok." Don nodded. "First though I have to Mirandize you Olivia."

"I know." She nodded.

"Olivia Benson you're under arrest, you have the right to remain silent anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law, you have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed to you do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?"

"Yes now can we go? Because as soon as I'm through that door you're to leave and not come back." Olivia spat her eyes looking straight at Don's.

"If that's what you want." He replied nodding even though it killed him to say it.

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	24. Chapter 24

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**I love how many of you have mixed opinions about this story! I am going to give a small explanation about where I am trying to go with this ...**

**In March 2010 I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, in Christmas of 2009 I was put on Anti-Depressants which with Bipolar Disorder cause me to have a Psychotic Break and believe me when I say it was a very scary period of my life, not understanding what was going on in my own head... Anyway, my point is, this story does go in circles a lot and I'm trying to get across Olivia's confusion, fear, mixed emotions as well as the people who love her who are confused and scared too. They don't understand their frustration as well as her own bring around the mixed emotions and the constant mind-changing and it IS going to get worse from here but chapter 26/27 things get better, I don't want to lose any of you faithful readers because you're frustrated with the story so that's why I'm trying to give an explanation. **

**A/N: On with the show... **

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Olivia walked beside Miranda into the psych ward and Elliot and Don walked behind them. She was scared, petrified but she wasn't about to let it show.

They signed in and Olivia went through all the forms as did Don because her being sectioned wasn't her choice it was the states choice.

Then Rebecca Hendrix came to meet them.

"Hi Olivia." She smiled reassuringly.

"Hey Rebecca." Olivia replied weakly.

"Ok so this is where you say goodbye and we get you into your room and then we'll talk ok?" She said in a patronizing manner.

"Fine." Olivia replied, she'd argue everything with Rebecca once everyone else was gone.

"Get well soon Liv." Elliot said as she took his bag from him, she didn't even reply just glare at him.

"We'll see you soon…"

"No you won't." Olivia replied. "Don't even try and visit me Don."

"I'll be by tomorrow Olivia ok?" Miranda said giving her friend a hug.

"Ok." Olivia nodded.

"And we'll get into court as soon as we can, until then comply with everything they ask of you don't give them a reason to keep you here."

"I will, thanks Miranda." Olivia replied returning the hug. "And tell Munch I expect to see him soon."

"I will." Miranda smiled, at least she wasn't cutting everyone off.

"And the girls." Olivia replied.

"I know. I will." Miranda smiled.

"Ok let's go Olivia." Rebecca smiled before taking the bag from her and leading her through the locked door that would keep Olivia from the outside world.

Don, Miranda and Elliot watched the door slam shut before either of them moved.

"I hope you can afford Trevor Langan Elliot because I promise you that I am going to do everything I can to make sure Olivia comes out on top." Miranda warned before walking away.

Don looked at Elliot who was still staring at the door that locked him away from Olivia.

"Come on Elliot." Don said.

"What did I do?" He asked.

"You saved her life Elliot." Don replied.

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Olivia was shown to a very plain room. It had cream walls, a single bed, a dresser and a chair. Olivia had to sit back and watch as Rebecca went through her bag making sure she had nothing that she wasn't allowed to have and confiscate them if she did. It made Olivia feel so vulnerable and exposed and it made her feel even worse when she realised she wasn't even allowed to wear her own clothes.

"I know this is tough Olivia, but I'm on your side and I'm not backing down from this." Rebecca told her as she piled up everything she was taking away.

"Thanks." Olivia replied as she ran her hands over her bump.

"Do you know the sex?" Rebecca asked.

"Yeah it's a boy." Olivia replied.

"Elliot must be pleased." Rebecca smiled.

"It's not his." Olivia said continuing the lie she'd decided to go with.

"Ok." Rebecca nodded. "Why does Elliot think it is?"

"Because I did sleep with Elliot, but I also slept with two other people so there's a one in three chance this baby is Elliot's but I'm hoping that it isn't." Olivia replied.

"So are you going to have amnio?" Rebecca asked.

"No." Olivia replied. "I'll do a DNA test when the child is born." Olivia replied and Rebecca nodded, she didn't believe Olivia's lie but she went along with it anyway because she needed Olivia's trust.

"Ok now I'm going to take these through to the lockers and then you can have a shower and change." Rebecca said putting all the confiscated items in the bag which was also being taken. "Then I'll bring you the clothes for the dresser."

"Thanks." Olivia replied picking up the baby blanket that Elliot had packed in the bag.

Rebecca watched Olivia put the blanket over her bump and play with it in her fingers for a moment before leaving. A lot of things were going through the shrink's mind including the hatred she felt for her patient's partner, he had done this to her, he had gone to court because she wanted time alone and Rebecca vowed that she was going to help Olivia to the point she could stand under oath and say that Olivia was no danger to her child.

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After her shower Olivia felt disgusting and dirty in the grey sweater and sweats she had to wear, when she returned to her room she had a smile on her face on seeing Munch sat in the arm chair.

"Hey." He smiled coming over and hugging her.

"Hey." She replied relaxing into the comforting embrace. "I should thank you for defending me."

"No you shouldn't, someone had to, they were wrong in what they did Olivia, if I'd known I would of taken off with you and left you all alone just so they thought you were still being babysat."

"Damn if I'd known." She teased and they both laughed.

"So how are you feeling?" Munch asked and Olivia shrugged.

"Betrayed?" Olivia asked.

"I'm no shrink Liv but I think that would be completely normal." Munch replied and she chuckled softly as she sat down in the arm chair that Munch led her to and he sat on the side of the bed.

"I'm going to say that I'm far from normal right now Munch I wouldn't be locked on a psych ward if I was normal." She tried to joke but neither of them found it funny.

"You'll be out of here soon Olivia, Miranda already knows I'll testify on your behalf." Munch said.

"Thank you." Olivia replied. "When will I be arraigned?"

"In the morning, it's too late and Miranda would rather you settle in here first." Munch replied.

"Of course she does." Olivia replied rolling her eyes.

"Hey she's filling a motion to get the arrest thrown out as soon as you're out of arraignment she's going back into court." Munch replied.

"Well I'm not going to be released on my own recognisance or given bail I'm guessing Miranda will ask that I stay where I am as will the prosecution?" Olivia asked even though it was more of a statement.

"I think so." Munch nodded.

"Who's the prosecutor?" Olivia asked.

Munch said nothing and bowed his head.

"Alex or Casey?" She asked knowing it was one of them. "It's and SVU case I get it."

"Alex but she told me she's so sorry and she doesn't want to and she'll do whatever she can to make it easier for you." Munch replied.

"My child isn't even born yet Munch yet Family Court ruled on the arrest warrant so they had to lock me up because their job is to be the voice of the child…"

"Your case is being handled by family court." Munch replied. "They're the ones who asked for your arrest."

"Oh great." Olivia sighed. "Because at least in Supreme Court Miranda could argue that an unborn child under twenty four weeks cannot be classed as a person."

"Hey she still is arguing that." Munch replied and Olivia nodded.

"Tell her thanks from me?" Olivia asked.

"You have had her on retainer for two years Olivia I think you've already paid her for this case she told me to tell you she's cancelled your payments and is working this pro bono." John said.

"She didn't have to do that." Olivia sighed.

"No but she said that you have been off work for a long period of time and have a baby to prepare for." Munch replied. "She didn't see your financials."

"You did?" Olivia asked in shock. "Of course you did you thought you'd find me by following the money, find anything interesting?"

"Yeah, I was interested to find you limit yourself to one hundred dollars per week and that you have two savings accounts."

"One I've had for years the other I opened and deposited three thousand dollars in a high interest account so that by the time my son is ready for college I'll be able to pay it." Olivia explained and John smiled and nodded, he thought that alone was just adorable.

"I was shocked when I was told to pull your Mom's financials." John replied.

"Yeah it's everything she left me, I didn't ever want to touch it but I had to just to get away. When she died I took out one thousand dollars and put it in the box in my apartment for an emergency, it came in handy to cover the cost of my hotel in combination with all my change over the years." Olivia replied shrugging.

"Hey whatever you did with your money is your business Olivia, I'm glad you ran away because you didn't deserve to be baby sat and escorted no matter what you did." Munch replied and Olivia with tears in her eyes leant in and hugged him.

"It's good to know there are still people I can trust out there." Olivia replied just as Rebecca came in.

"Olivia." She smiled. "Hi John."

"Hi Hendrix." He replied.

"I'm sorry John I am going to have to ask you to leave now, visiting times are six till eight but as Olivia's only just arrived I need to evaluate her." Hendrix explained.

"Of course, hang tight Liv, I'll see you tomorrow ok? I'll come by after arraignment."

"Thanks John. And tell Alex that I don't blame her and she better come see me and the same goes to Casey and Melinda too."

"Of course." He replied giving her a hug and a gentle kiss on the head.

Olivia watched him go then looked over at Hendrix who signalled with her head that they were heading to a different room and Olivia followed clutching the baby blanket tight in her hand and she couldn't help but wonder if her son would have the same comfort from the blanket as she got.

They walked to Rebecca's office and after taking the offer of a glass of water and taking a seat Rebecca sat down and started.

"So how are you Olivia?" Rebecca asked.

"Great." She replied rolling her eyes the words dripping in sarcasm.

"Ok Olivia I'm going to be straight with you, if you want to get out of here I need you to be honest and straight with me as your Doctor I am on your side but I need to know everything ok?" Rebecca said firmly and Olivia sighed and nodded. "Now we'll try again, how are you?"

"I'm … a lot of things Rebecca mostly I feel betrayed by Don and Elliot, I also feel angry, frustrated, sad and confused." Olivia replied honestly as she rolled her legs to her side and pressed her elbow hard onto the arm of the couch.

"Ok." Rebecca nodded as she scribbled in her legal pad. "Tell me about your escape, where did you go?"

"Escape? I went on vacation to get away from an insufferable partner and pseudo parent." Olivia replied chuckling.

"Ok your vacation, where did you go?" Rebecca asked.

"Long Beach, a hotel called Shell Island." Olivia replied.

"Why there?" Rebecca asked.

"I always liked it there, once my Mom was sober and took me there for a holiday, exact same hotel and it's probably the best time I ever had with my Mom you know." Olivia replied. "I wanted to feel close to her I guess, since I found out I was pregnant I've wanted her, to talk to her to hear her talk to me …" Olivia explained as a solitary tear fell down her cheek and she made no attempt to hide it.

"That's ok Olivia. So what did you do while you were there?" Rebecca asked.

"I enjoyed a bath that lasted longer than an hour without having someone checking on me, I went for a walk in the sand, I had ice cream and sat watching the sea and thought about taking my boy there when he was older, I thought about how I was going to bring my boy up, giving him things that I never got from my Mom. I reflected a lot." Olivia explained softly as her fingertips danced up and down her bump.

"What made you want to leave?" Rebecca asked.

"I wanted some alone time." Olivia replied. "I wanted to shave my legs too, I wasn't even allowed a razor and don't get me wrong I understand why they were taking precautions such as taking off all of my razors and hiding the tie of my bathrobe but I felt suffocated. I wasn't even allowed to sleep when I wanted too Bex." Olivia explained desperately and Rebecca didn't miss Olivia using the nickname she used when they were at the academy.

"Why weren't you allowed to sleep when you wanted to?" Rebecca asked.

"George said that the more I slept the more depressed I'd get or something I don't know but he told Cragen to limit how much I slept during the day so I was allowed two hours in the morning and an hour in the afternoon and I wasn't allowed to go to bed till after ten pm." Olivia explained. "You know I'd sit in my bedroom with a book and I had to leave the door open so whoever was watching me could check on me and then I was made to talk with whoever was watching me for two hours so I wouldn't shut myself off."

"Who did you talk to?"

"Whoever's turn it was to watch me so either John, Fin, Don or Elliot and sometimes George which was a nightmare." Olivia replied.

"What did you talk about?" Rebecca asked.

"It depended who it was, when it was John I would skip my afternoon nap because we'd be having so much fun, we'd play cards or twenty questions, if it was Fin we'd listen to music or watch a movie then talk about whatever it was we watched or listened to, if it was Elliot we'd talk about the baby or us and if it was Don he'd interrogate me then if it was George he'd shrink me." Olivia replied.

"Don interrogated you?" Rebecca asked in surprise.

"I had nothing to talk to him about, he refused to let me talk about work and that's all I could talk to him about you know?" Olivia explained. "So he'd find whatever he could to talk to me which usually was what did I do the previous day with my minder."

"You said George was concerned about your sleeping habits, how much do you sleep?" Rebecca asked.

"Well two hour nap in the morning an hour in the evening then twelve ish hours but I haven't slept more than two hours without waking since I was in the hospital on a psych hold." Olivia replied.

"I have the report here from Mercy, you threw paint?"

"They wanted me to do some art therapy." Olivia said rolling her eyes. "I didn't want to asked them if they would please remove the paint but they said they'd leave it there in case I changed my mind and I told them to move them or I'd throw them and the nurse laughed and said I wouldn't do that, she was so … so patronizing so…"

"So you proved her wrong." Rebecca chuckled and Olivia cracked her first real smile.

"Yeah." She replied.

"Well I'll warn you now that art therapy is compulsory here and throwing paint around is not acceptable." Rebecca laughed and Olivia continued to smile and nodded.

"I promise I'll try and have fun." She replied sarcastically as she laughed and Rebecca saw more or the Olivia she knew shining through.

"Good to know." Rebecca laughed and for a moment they were just two friends joking around not shrink and patient. "Ok we'll leave it there for now, I want to try and eliminate your naps from your routine or at least the morning one because I know that being pregnant is a tiring job and hopefully we'll be able to get you sleeping all night, now obviously you're on prenatal vitamins which we'll continue you can get them at med time you'll line up and get them at the desk from one of the orderlies, do you want to try any medication?"

"Like what?" Olivia asked.

"Anti-Depressants, Anti-Anxieties, Sleeping Aid?"

"I don't know do you think I should?" Olivia asked.

"I would like you to at least try an anti-depressant." Rebecca replied honestly.

"But it won't affect the baby?" Olivia replied and Rebecca shook her head in reply. "Will … will it affect my custody case?"

"No. Olivia everyday hundreds of people take anti-depressants and it in no way could stop you from looking after your child, once you're on them and their managed then there isn't a problem I can guarantee you that one person on the jury will be a parent who is or has been on anti-depressants and would hate any defence attorney who would try and say that a person on anti-depressants is not able to look after their child." Hendrix reassured.

"Ok." Olivia nodded. "I'll try them."

"They take up to two weeks to start working, they may make you feel worse in the second week but we'll get through that ok?" Hendrix replied.

"So you're sure I'm going to be here for at least two weeks." Olivia replied shaking her head.

"Olivia… right now this is the best place for you…"

"I'm not mad." Olivia hissed through gritted teeth.

"I know." Rebecca reassured. "But while you're here, you're safe, you're looked after and Elliot and Don can't interfere in anyway."

"But they still have control over me and my body Rebecca!" Olivia replied angrily. "He chose you as my doctor, he chose this hospital and I had no say I wasn't even able to be in court because I didn't even know that I was needed in court and for that I ended up in here and you know what's worse… I don't even get any say over my own boy, as soon as he's born until I prove that I am able to look after him Elliot gets custody…"

"Which I will help to stop happening, Olivia when your son is born I will make sure he stays here with you for as long as possible."

"Which is only for the first six weeks." Olivia sighed. "Then …"

"You'll be well enough to leave, you could be well enough to leave in six weeks Liv, if you listen, take the drugs and therapy you could be out of here in as little as six weeks." Rebecca pushed.

"You really think that?" Olivia asked with her brown eyes filled with tears.

"Yeah I do." Rebecca nodded. "I really do."

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Olivia was given a schedule of how things worked on the ward. She wasn't surprised to see that it was mainly filled with therapy of different kinds. Rebecca had fixed Olivia's schedule so that Olivia could have a two hour nap after lunch rather than join the afternoon therapy which happened to be different every day.

At dinner that evening Olivia sat in the furthest corner on her own so she could watch everyone around her. As she ate she saw a man glaring at her, a man she recognised. She was convinced that her heart stopped when she finally recognised him and she quickly was put off her dinner.

After getting rid of her plate and knowing that she had free time to use the recreation activities until after visiting time she hurried off to find Hendrix. Luckily she found her in the first place she looked.

"Olivia what's wrong?" Rebecca asked seeing Olivia's panicked face.

"Connor Forest." She said in replied and Rebecca frowned not understanding what Olivia was getting to.

"Yes he's a patient here." Rebecca said guessing Olivia was waiting for some sort of reply.

"He's here because he was prosecuted for four counts of rape and sodomy and was found not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect." Olivia replied. "It was my case, I was the primary."

"Oh." Rebecca replied. "He's not the same man Olivia he's medicated now, you should talk to him…"

"No way! Rebecca I arrested him, testified at his trial!" Olivia yelled.

"Olivia, what do you think he's going to do…"

"Oh I don't know get revenge?" She replied sarcastically.

"I don't think so Olivia he's a changed man, I'm guessing he'll be out in a couple of months…"

"Yeah free to rape and sodomize more women." Olivia snapped just as there was a knock on the door.

"Come in." Rebecca called and Olivia wasn't surprised to see Connor Forest stood there.

"Hi Rebecca, Detective Benson." He replied nodding his head towards both women.

Olivia folded her arms defensively across her chest and glared at Forest.

"Connor what can I do you for?" Rebecca asked softly and Olivia rolled her eyes feeling sickened.

"I was actually coming to ask if you'd mind sitting down with myself and Detective Benson, I mean we both have to be here so I'd like it if we could be here without any tension." Connor replied running his hand through his ginger hair.

"I think that's a great idea Connor, why don't we sit down now while I have time?" Rebecca asked.

"No one gonna ask me if I want to sit down with a rapist?" Olivia snapped looking at the shrink.

"Olivia please." Rebecca replied. "Connor has the right idea, the three of us sit down and I'm sure Connor will answer any questions you may have."

"She's right Detective, I uh, I don't deny what I did you were there at my trial when I said I did it but I didn't ask to be sick…"

"Fine." Olivia snapped.

"Well both of you sit down, one of you take the arm chair, I'll take my desk chair and play referee."

Once everyone was seated Olivia glared at Connor angrily.

"I am sorry for what I did Detective…"

"Why don't we start by calling her Olivia…"

"No Detective is fine." Olivia snapped and Hendrix quickly scribbled down some notes.

"Again I am sorry and I do feel a lot of remorse for what I did but I'm getting better Detective, I'm in therapy, I'm on meds, if I'd have been in the place I am now in my mind back then I would never have hurt any of those women. I even wrote to all of them last month apologising and explaining everything and each of them replied and one Jessica Montana came to visit me and she has been visiting twice a week since because she understands, I am not asking you to be ok with me or with what I did Detective I just want you to know that I don't blame you for what you did in arresting me or taking me to trial because I deserved prison not this."

"Ok." Olivia shrugged.

"Don't you have anything to say back Olivia?" Hendrix asked.

"Nope should I have?" Olivia replied.

"I don't know." Hendrix replied meaning she felt like Olivia should say something.

"I don't expect you to say anything Detective but I just want you to try and understand I am not the same man I was seven months ago."

"Ok." Olivia replied.

"Good." Connor replied and he extended his hand to Olivia and she glared at it for a moment and looked at Hendrix who nodded for her to take the hand which she did and she gave him a firm almost threatening handshake.

"I guess I'll see you around then Detective, thanks Rebecca." He said before walking out leaving Olivia with the shrink.

"Ok?" Rebecca asked.

"Ok? You're asking me if I'm ok being locked up in the same ward as a rapist of course I'm not. How many women are here who don't know what he did?"

"They all know actually." Rebecca replied firmly. "Connor has been very open in therapy and not a single woman here has reported him being inappropriate towards them, I know you're partner has always been against therapy Olivia but I thought you were all for it…"

"I was years ago Rebecca but things change, when you see men who get therapy and medication and then rape again it really does change your mind about things." Olivia replied. "As long as he stays away from me I'll deal with it and it will score me points with the judge at trial too."

Rebecca could only shake her head and sigh as Olivia walked off, this was going to be a problem and she was sure of it.

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After leaving the office Olivia went to her room and lay down playing the past few hours in her head, she was only there ten minutes when there was a knock on the open door, they weren't allowed to close them till bed time unless they were closed in for whatever reason.

"You have visitors Olivia." An Orderly smiled and Olivia groaned as she climbed off the bed, the last thing she wanted was to see anyone because Munch had already been she had to hope that it was going to be the girls but somehow she wasn't sure because Alex wouldn't be able to talk to her until after arraignment.

She walked into the visitation room and was instantly annoyed when she saw Elliot and Don sat around a table.

"I thought I told you not to come here." Olivia replied as she stayed standing glaring at the two men in front of her.

"We wanted to talk, please sit down Olivia."

"I'm good thanks." She replied as soon as the words left his mouth. "Say what you got to say and go and I will be letting them know at the front desk that you're not welcome here and the same goes for Fin."

"Fine, but hear us out Olivia, we're doing this for you and that boy, you can deny Elliot's the father all you want but we're not going anywhere, we're here for you Olivia we want to support you …"

"You know I was sat having dinner earlier and guess who I saw? Connor Forest, now do you remember who he was?" Olivia asked and both men shook their heads.

"Raped and sodomized four women in Central Park, I was the primary and guess what he saw me and I had to sit down in Hendrix' office with him and let him explain to me how he's changed and therapy and drugs have made him better and listen to him tell me that one of his victims visit him and understand that he was sick … you put me here, with at least one rapist, how many others here are criminals who got locked here for their own safety? You put me in here without thinking of things like that now I don't want your support there's only one thing I want you to bring me Don and that's transfer papers because I enjoy being a cop but I can't work for someone who doesn't trust me and with someone I don't trust other than that I want nothing off either of you…"

"Oh listen to yourself Olivia!" Elliot snapped. "Do you hear what you're saying? Seriously? I love you Olivia and you're here for your own sake and the sake of our son…"

"_My_ son."

"Whatever the day he's born I will be having a DNA test done to prove he's mine…"

"Only if you go through the courts." Olivia interrupted. "And believe me all charges will be dropped by then and Miranda will have me home so the only way you'll ever prove my son is yours is if I get a DNA test done and I promise you that I'd rather not know." Olivia hissed.

"What you're going to deny him the right to know his father…"

"He can do what he wants when he's eighteen." Olivia replied. "But by then he'll know what you did to me Elliot, now I am going back to my room and I don't want you to contact me again I'll see you in arraignment tomorrow."

And with that she walked off leaving too men extremely worried and frustrated.

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**Next chapter – Arraignment, motions and verdicts?**


	25. Chapter 25

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: On with the show... **

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The next morning Olivia woke up at six am an hour before she had to and as she was locked in her room with only access to the bathroom she had a long cold shower (Hot water was only available after breakfast unless someone turned it on but Olivia wasn't complaining.)

She knew she had to be in court and hoped that Miranda would bring her something other than her grey tracks to wear as she really thought they made her look worse than she was.

When the buzzer for the door went she instantly opened it and made her way down to breakfast taking the same seat right in the back where she could watch everyone but she wasn't pleased when Connor Forest joined her.

"Just because I said I'd stay here with you it didn't mean I wanted to talk to you." Olivia said to him and he shrugged.

"It can get pretty lonely in this place Detective." He said. "You need someone to talk to even if it is a convicted rapist."

"What do you want Forest?" Olivia asked.

"Nothing." He replied. "I just thought you looked lonely."

"Well I'm not." She replied firmly.

"Ok well I'm not leaving, I want to eat." He said and Olivia shrugged and turned her attention to her breakfast. "So why are you here?"

"What's that got to do with you?" Olivia asked.

"Nothing but seeing as I'm sat here and you know more about me than I would like maybe you can share some information about you." Connor replied. "I mean you're what twenty weeks pregnant?"

"Nineteen." Olivia replied.

"Nineteen weeks, no father?"

"None that matters." Olivia answered straight away, she knew she was playing with fire but having someone to talk to was better than being lonely.

"Breakdown?"

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked in shock.

"I'm trying to figure out why you're here." He shrugged.

"Pre-partum." Olivia replied not seeing a reason to hide the truth from him.

"Depression?"

"Psychosis." Olivia replied.

"Ouch, not nice." He replied.

"What you've been pregnant and gone nuts too?" Olivia replied making him chuckle.

"No but psychosis is the same doesn't matter what word you put in front of it." Forest replied. "I've had psychosis."

"Oh right." Olivia replied.

"So what did you do that made you mad enough to end up in here? I mean you didn't commit yourself or you'd have just walked out of here last night which means you're here on a court order."

"Wow you're clever." Replied Olivia sarcastically.

"I am." He said with a smug smile making Olivia laugh a little.

"Yeah ok a court committed me."

"So spill what did you do?" He asked again and Olivia sighed.

"Slit my wrists." Olivia replied showing her fading cuts. "Then after a seventy two hour psych hold I went on holiday with a friend for two weeks and then when I came back I was being babysat by friends because apparently I wasn't trusted to be alone so I ran off and the wannabe baby daddy went to court while I was MIA and they put an arrest warrant out on me for endangering the welfare of a child."

"Seriously?" He asked and Olivia nodded weakly. "Can they do that?"

"Well they did." Olivia sighed. "I've got a great lawyer though I may have to stay here for a while I'm sure the charges will be dropped."

"I wish you all the best Detective…"

"Olivia." She replied and he smiled at her realising she was letting him get personal. "I mean if you know my story you may as well use my name and uh don't tell everyone I'm a Detective please?"

"I haven't told anyone and I wasn't planning on." He replied and Olivia smiled gratefully.

"I've got arraignment and my lawyer will be here in a bit so I should go." Olivia replied. "Thanks for the chat."

"I'll see you later Olivia."

"See you later." She replied with a smile and Connor smiled back.

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Olivia adjusted the suit Miranda had bought her over her bump, the defence attorney had been on a shopping trip before coming up to the hospital knowing that Olivia would need something decent to wear for arraignment to impress the judge.

"So we're going to say you're here so bail will basically be denied but you'll be released into custody of the people and the people want you here." Miranda said as Olivia continued to adjust her clothing.

"Yeah." Olivia replied just so she said something.

"Then once we're done in arraignment we're going straight to another court room to try and throw out the case do you want to be there?" Miranda asked.

"Yeah, anywhere is nicer than here." Olivia laughed weakly. "You know this morning at breakfast I was sat with a rapist that I arrested."

"Really?" Miranda asked.

"Yeah, I noticed him last night and we talked with Hendrix as mediator and then he decided to join me at breakfast and I could tell listening to him that he was different you know so I carried on talking to him and who knows it may be good to have an allay in this place even if it's a rapist."

"Fair enough, I mean if you're happy Liv I haven't got a problem but if you want to be moved to a different hospital I could have it arranged." Miranda explained.

"No I'm ok here." Olivia replied with a reassuring smile.

"Good." Miranda smiled back.

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Olivia walked into the court room with Miranda as confidently as she could but she felt scared, she was being arraigned in family court for endangering her own baby who wasn't even born yet and it sickened her, she'd never hurt her son.

She saw Elliot in the gallery but she avoided his gaze and walked straight to the table where Alex gave her an apologetic look to which Olivia returned a reassuring smile.

"Docket ending six one four one people of the state of New York V Olivia Benson one count endangering the welfare of a child."

"How does the defendant plead?"

"Not guilty." Olivia replied firmly.

"People on bail?"

"The defendant is already in state custody at Bellevue psychiatric we would like her to be remanded but kept at Bellevue until trial." Alex replied.

"Defence?"

"No objections your honour and the defence has already filled a motion to dismiss and the hearing takes place straight after this." Miranda replied.

"Well that's a matter for the trial judge, defendant is remanded without bail to Bellevue psychiatric." As the gavel was slammed down Olivia saw a court officer approach and looked panicked at Miranda.

"They'll take you down to lock up then they'll bring you up to the court room in twenty minutes for the hearing." Miranda said and Olivia nodded in reply, it was all she could do under the circumstances.

As she was cuffed she looked over at Elliot and saw him looking straight at her. She threw him the filthiest of looks before being led away by the officer.

Once the bars were slammed shut behind her Olivia let the tears she'd been holding back fall, she knew if convicted the chances where she'd lose her job and she couldn't face that.

"I'm sorry Olivia."

She sniffed hard and wiped her tears angrily before turning to look at Elliot who was standing behind the bars.

"What's it going to take for you to get the message that I don't want to see you?" Olivia asked as the bars opened to let him in.

"I'm not going to stop trying to talk to you Olivia." He said. "I'm sorry but I love you …"

"You have a funny way of showing it." She said as he handed her a tissue and a compact mirror.

"I know but as hard as it is for you to believe Olivia I did this for you, the best place for you is Bellevue right now, I don't want you prosecuted for endangering Liv that wasn't my intentions when I went to court I just wanted you home." Elliot said as his tears finally tumbled, tears he'd been holding back for way too long.

"I'm scared El." She whispered as more tears trickled down her cheeks.

"Me too." He replied kneeling in front of her and wiping her tears with his thumb. "I'm terrified of losing you."

"Why though El? I just wanted a break!" She explained desperately.

"I know baby I know but you're sick." Elliot replied and she nodded, she wasn't disputing being unwell.

"Rebecca's put me on meds." Olivia said.

"That's good. You ok with that?" Elliot asked.

"It was my choice, I want to get better El." She whispered. "I want to be a good Mom to our boy."

"I know and you will be it's not your fault you're sick I understand that and now you're getting help by the time our boy is born you're going to be all better and we can bring our boy up good." Elliot told her as he continued to stroke his thumb across her cheek.

"But the state's already deemed me an unfit mother." Olivia whispered. "And he's not even born yet." She said as she felt her baby kicking her ribs.

"I know Liv, but soon we'll be able to prove that you're fit to look after the baby." Elliot replied.

"What happens to the baby if they think I'm still not fit?" Olivia asked.

"I'll take custody until you're better." Elliot replied. "I won't let them take our boy Liv I swear."

"Ok." She nodded. "I'm sorry Elliot."

"I know baby I'm sorry too." He said pulling her into his arms and kissing her hard.

"I'm so sorry El, I didn't mean to hurt our boy." She sobbed.

"You didn't hurt him baby." Elliot replied. "I promise you didn't and we're going to make this all right ok?" Elliot replied as he held her and looked into her eyes and she nodded in reply before he pulled her tight into his arms and rocked her softly.

"Ms Benson." The officer said as the gate opened.

Olivia got her feet and rubbed at her cheeks to try and hide the evidence of her tears in which she failed. She then turned around and closed her eyes as the cuffs were placed on her wrists, luckily the officer knew she was a cop and tied the cuffs lose enough that if Olivia wanted to she could slide her hands out of it.

"I'll see you up there Liv." Elliot whispered before kissing her cheek and he hurried off in one direction while she was led in another.

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She walked into the courtroom and Miranda saw the evidence of tears and really felt for her friend.

"Everything ok?" Miranda asked as Olivia was uncuffed.

"Yeah." Olivia replied hoarsely and Miranda quickly unscrewed a bottle of water and passed it over to her. "Thanks."

"What happened?" Miranda asked.

"Elliot came to see me, we talked." She replied and she saw him come through the door and smiled at her reassuringly in which she returned.

"Ok. That's good Liv." Miranda replied rubbing her friend's shoulder just as the Judge came in.

The process was soon underway and Olivia listened to the law talk that she barely understood as she just wait for a verdict.

"I have heard both parties now does the defendant have anything to say?"

"No…"

"Yes." Olivia interrupted Miranda and jumped to her feet.

"You have my attention Detective." The Judge said.

"Judge, I have worked for Special Victims unit for nearly nine years now, I have sat in the witness box over a hundred times in cases where children have been abused and they have been horrendous. I don't deny that what I did was reckless and stupid, I ran away at a time I needed help which I am now getting but I have not and would not ever hurt a child especially not my own, no harm came to my boy while I was in Long Beach, I was there getting some r and r unaware how much panic I was causing, I let people know I was safe but denied to let them know my whereabouts because I knew they would come after me and I didn't want to be found as a grown adult I had every right to leave the city, I wasn't a fugitive on the run or a witness I didn't even know about the subpoena until my lawyer put two and two together and found me. Please understand that I never put my child in danger while I was away, I ate properly, I took my prenatal vitamins and did my exercises just as my doctor told me to. That's all I have to say so thank you." Olivia said.

"Ok I will review the statements made and deliver my verdict at two pm."

Olivia almost crumbled, it was only just gone eleven in the morning and that was three hours she would have to sit in lock up.

"Miranda…" She whispered.

"What is it?" Miranda asked.

"I can't sit in lock up for three hours, I want to go back to Bellevue." Olivia replied and Miranda nodded.

"Ok." Miranda replied as the court officer stepped forward with the cuffs ready. "I'll come and get you and take you back as soon as I can ok I just need to talk to Elliot."

"Ok." Olivia nodded before being led away her heart breaking even more, she couldn't stand being treated like a criminal when she knew she'd done nothing wrong.

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After being transferred back to Belleview Olivia went straight to her room and quickly changed knowing that she wasn't allowed to stay in the clothes she'd worn for court. She then climbed into her bed and sobbed quietly as she didn't want anyone to hear but Rebecca knew that Olivia was back and would have had a hard time so she had come to check on the Detective and found her shaking figure under the comforter.

"Olivia?" She said softly as she entered further into the room.

"What?" She croaked not wanting to talk.

"Court not go well?" Rebecca asked.

"It was fine." Olivia replied from under the blanket her face hidden. "Judge will deliver his verdict after lunch I just didn't want to sit in lock up."

"Ok, what's got you so upset?" Rebecca asked taking the seat beside the bed.

"I really don't want to talk right now Bex please?" She pleaded through a strangled sob.

"Ok." Rebecca replied. "Get some rest Liv someone will come wake you at lunch ok?"

Olivia didn't reply as silent sobs wracked her body and Rebecca could only hope that whatever it was that was hurting her wouldn't push her back because she may have only been at the hospital a few hours but she'd already taken baby steps forward.

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**Next chapter – Verdict and Questioning**


	26. Chapter 26

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: On with the show... **

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After lunch Olivia went back to her room and saw Miranda sitting there waiting.

"Well?" Olivia asked.

"The judge isn't comfortable vacating the charges…"

"Oh my God." Olivia gasped her legs nearly going underneath her luckily she was close enough to grab the dresser and Miranda hurried over and helped her over to the arm chair.

"Don't worry Olivia, we're changing the plea to not guilty by mental disease or defect and then we're going to trial, Elliot's on your side heck even Alex is on your side and she's the one prosecuting you." Miranda replied.

"If I get found guilty my whole life is over Miranda, I lose my kid, my job, everything." Olivia explained through shortened breaths.

"You will _not_ be found guilty Olivia do you hear me."

"I can't breathe…" Olivia became more panicked the more she couldn't breathe.

Miranda hurried to the open door and yelled.

"We need some help in here!" She screamed before rushing back to Olivia who was becoming woozy from being unable to catch her breath.

"Breathe Olivia slowly does it come on." Miranda pleaded as she held Olivia' hand.

"Move out the way please." Hendrix said coming to Olivia's aide.

Miranda quickly moved out the way and could only watch as Hendrix flashed a light in Olivia's eye and checked her pulse.

"Ok Olivia you're having a panic attack I want you to breathe slowly in through the nose out through the mouth ok?"

Olivia nodded in reply and started instantly to comply as tears spilt down her cheeks in the panic.

"That's it Liv in and … out good girl." Hendrix continued as she held Olivia's hand. "I want a shot of adavan stat." She said to an orderly as Olivia continued to struggle to breathe.

The orderly hurried in with an injection and Rebecca didn't hesitate in stabbing it into Olivia and watching as it took seconds to knock her out.

"Ok can we transfer her into the bed?" Hendrix said as she stood up.

Two orderlies carefully moved Olivia from the armchair and placed her in her bed before leaving the doctor with the lawyer.

"What happened?" Hendrix snapped angrily.

"I told her what the judge's result was and her legs almost went so I helped her over to the chair and she … she panicked." Miranda explained still in shock over what had happened.

"She'll be out for a couple of hours, come on let's get a coffee." Hendrix replied softly and all Miranda could do was nod.

Once in the Doctor's office with their coffee's Rebecca didn't hesitate in firing questions.

"So what did the judge rule?" Hendrix asked already knowing the answer really.

"We go to trial unless Olivia pleads guilty but if she does that she could lose her job and her kid worst case scenario." Miranda replied. "While I remember Olivia filled these out… and she wants them active instantly."

Hendrix took the file Miranda was holding and quickly scanned the document.

"She wants you as her medical proxy and next of kin, that's not a problem I have to inform Elliot of course and if he wants to fight her on it he's going to have a tough job doing it because she is compos mentis enough to make decisions like this." Hendrix replied. "I'll have this filed as soon as I've double checked with Olivia that this is what she wants."

"Of course." Miranda nodded.

"So what happens to Olivia now?" Hendrix continued.

"We go to court." Miranda replied. "I've already sent in a change of plea to not guilty by mental disease or defect which yourself and Huang will testify too even though he wants to talk to her again before he makes that decision, SVU need a statement from her IAB are going to come here and arrest her again and then they will take her statement. I've also put in a motion to supress anything she said to Elliot and Don when she returned to the one six before coming here because she hadn't been Mirandized and it doesn't count as an excited utterance."

"Ok, Miranda be honest with me what are her chances of getting off with this?"

"High, even Alex is furious that the judge wants to take it to court but it's an election year and she's a cop." Miranda replied.

"Of course." Hendrix sighed. "I know I shouldn't say this but this is so unfair why Olivia?"

"I've been asking myself the same thing, Elliot's so torn up right now you should have seen him in court, right now he's sitting in lock up on contempt charges." Miranda sighed.

"Oh no what did he do?" Hendrix asked with a slight chuckle.

"Told the judge he was an 'incompetent dick' and that he was 'absolutely fucking disgusting for using Olivia to further his own agenda' also said that he needed to spend an hour or two with her and see that she would never hurt her kid, I mean Olivia stood up in court and told him herself that what she had done was wrong but she never intended to do anything to her child yet she still gets treated like a perp, like one of the people she's spent her entire professional career locking up." Miranda replied angrily.

"How strong is the people's case?"

"Strong, especially because Olivia stood up in court and admitted what she did but I've asked for it to be quashed under the fact she wasn't compos mentis…"

"I can't testify to that, she is compos mentis to make decisions like that." Hendrix warned.

"I know, but I have to try and like I said Alex Cabot is on Olivia's side too and won't argue hard against me." Miranda explained and Hendrix nodded.

"I'm going to have to put her on anti-anxieties to get through the trial after the attack she just had she needs it." Hendrix sighed rubbing her forehead.

"I don't disagree, that scared me." Miranda replied.

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When Olivia woke up she groaned, her eyelids felt heavy and she wracked her brain trying to remember when she'd gone to sleep. That's when she remembered the news and she let out a heavy sigh, she was a perp, accused of hurting her unborn child and that hurt her as much as being shot if not more.

The sob that passed her lips was loud and pain filled and she rolled onto her side and wrapped her hands around her belly.

"Rory Andreas Benson, my little boy, you're so loved baby, so loved and I promise that I will fight so hard to keep you." Olivia whispered through her sobs.

"Beautiful name."

"Elliot." She replied turning to the other side and opening her eyes.

"I'm right here baby." He said coming down to kneel beside her bed and stroking her hair out of her face. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault." She replied closing her eyes tight in a desperate attempt to push aside her tears.

"Of course it is Olivia if I hadn't listened to Don then none of this would have happened." Elliot replied his own tears on show.

Olivia couldn't reply to that because she agreed with him, it was his fault but she needed him now more than ever, she loved him and needed his comfort.

"Lay with me?" She asked and Elliot quickly kicked off his shoes and got onto the bed behind her and she placed his hands on her bump.

"Rory Andreas, our little boy." Elliot whispered.

"You really like the name?" She asked.

"Yeah, I really do Liv what made you choose it?" Elliot asked.

"Well I was out in Long Beach and was watching the sea when Rory came into my head and I thought it was nice then a little boy and little girl were running and the girl shouted to the boy 'Hey Andre wait up.' Then I thought Andre was a nice name and then Andreas came into my head and I liked it." Olivia explained.

"I think it's a lovely name Liv, Rory Andreas."

"You don't mind that I want to give him my last name?" Olivia asked.

"Not really but why?" Elliot asked.

"Because you already have four kids with your name and I don't know I guess I want to keep my name going even when I'm gone." Olivia explained.

"Then Benson it is." Elliot replied. "Rory Andreas Benson our little boy." Elliot smiled as he rubbed her belly.

"Knock Knock." Rebecca Hendrix voice brought both of them up to sitting. "How are you Olivia?"

Olivia just shrugged in reply, she didn't know how she felt at that moment everything was so conflicted in her mind.

"That's ok, I just needed to double check with you before I filed the papers about you wanting Miranda as your proxy…"

"Yes." Olivia replied.

"Liv?" Elliot asked in shock.

"I'm sorry El but it has to be done, I know that we have a lot of work to do on our relationship and for now I need someone in charge of my medical decisions who will do what I want not what they think is best for me or for Rory." Olivia explained.

"I would…"

"No El, you're going to always put Rory first which is what I expect you to do but with the trial, seeing as it is your fault I was arrested in the first place it's a conflict of interest." Olivia replied and Elliot sighed but nodded in agreement too.

"IAB are on their way, they have to…"

"I know." Olivia interrupted Hendrix. "They have to re-arrest me I know, El I'd like you to go now." Olivia said looking at him and he nodded before he kissed her head.

"I'll come see you tomorrow."

"Don't." She replied shaking her head. "I needed to get away from you and I still do Elliot, please till I'm ready will you stay away?"

"Ok." He agreed. "I'll see you in court if not before."

"Thank you." She replied and he kissed her gently on the lips before leaving the two women alone.

Rebecca looked at Olivia and saw how low and defeated she looked, her heart broke for her friend and patient, she didn't deserve any of this.

"You ok?" Rebecca asked and Olivia just nodded without lifting her head to look at the doctor. "Ok, Miranda has already gone down to the one six to meet you there you'll be arrested, questioned and then taken straight to arraignment in superior court there is a chance that the case will still be thrown out because family court and superior court work completely different, you'll plead not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect Alex is going ask if you can be evaluated by Huang which will happen straight away and then when you get back you'll go through the same process with me." Rebecca said and Olivia just nodded unaware that Ed Ticker and his co-worker had already arrived.

She saw them at the door and quickly stood up turning her back to them.

"I've wanted to do this for years." Tucker said snidely as he walked up to her with the cuffs. "I just didn't think it would be for anything like this. I'm sorry Detective."

Olivia knew the guy was sincere and nodded trying to hold back her tears as he closed the cuffs on her wrists very gently and loosely.

"Olivia Benson you're under arrest for endangering the welfare of a child, you have the right to remain silent anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law, you have the right to an attorney your high priced one is waiting for you but in the event you can no longer afford her retainer then the court will appoint one free of charge, do you understand?"

"Yes." Olivia said strongly.

"Remember Olivia say nothing till you're with Miranda." Hendrix called after them.

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Once at the one six Olivia was led into the interrogation room to where Miranda was waiting.

"You say nothing without looking at me first ok?" Miranda warned as the cuffs were taken off.

"Ok." Olivia replied before sitting down in her seat, her hands rested on her bump.

Ed Tucker and Chris Hallow came in and sat down in the two chairs opposite Olivia and her lawyer and pressed record in the already set up voice recorder.

"Interview commencing August twenty third at three fourteen pm Interviewers Lieutenant Edward Tucker and Detective Chris Hallow from internal affairs bureau, defendant Detective Olivia Benson Manhattan Special Victims Unit and Defence Attorney Miranda Pond, Detective please state your name for the record."

"Olivia Benson." Olivia replied.

"Detective do you understand you can have a union representative as well as a lawyer present?"

"Yes I don't want a union rep." Olivia replied.

"Ok, Detective Benson on July seventeenth you were committed to Mercy General and placed on a seventy two hour psych old can you tell us what that was about?"

Olivia looked at Miranda who leaned in and told her what to say in reply and she nodded in a silent reply.

"I self-harmed after a high stress day under the cloud of pre-natal psychosis." Olivia replied.

"You work SVU all your days are high stress Detective what was particularly stressful about this day?" Tucker continued and once again Miranda leant in and told her what to say.

"I had a panic attack that morning, then was sent home to talk with the father of my child." Olivia replied. "I'd rather have been chasing a rapist."

"Is it true that you did not complete the psych hold?"

"Yes." Olivia replied. "I did sixty nine hours before I gave in and couldn't do anymore."

"Why not?"

"Don't answer that." Miranda said hurriedly. "It's privileged."

"Not if a third party knows such as Don Cragen."

Once again Miranda had to lean in to Olivia to tell her how to answer.

"The psychiatrist wanted me to take medication and I was against it."

"Why?"

"None of your business." Olivia replied before Miranda could say anything.

"Ok on your release from the psych ward what were the conditions the Doctor gave you and your medical proxy?"

"That I had to be under constant supervision." Olivia replied.

"Which you were until August nineteenth?"

"Yes." Olivia replied.

"What happened on August nineteenth…"

"Narrow the scope of your question lieutenant." Miranda said.

"On August the Nineteenth did you leave your apartment and go to Long Beach?"

"Yes."

"Did you do this to cause harm to yourself or your foetus?"

"Baby." Olivia replied. "My son is not an object."

"Your baby then."

"No." Olivia replied with a slight edge to her voice.

"What were your intentions?"

"A bit of peace." Olivia replied. "Freedom, solitary vacation there's nothing wrong with that."

"There is when a doctor says supervision or psych ward…"

"It was just a recommendation." Olivia replied. "I'm a grown adult and I wasn't under arrest, or on a court ordered lock down. I had every right to take off."

"Why all the smoke and mirrors?" Tucker pushed.

"I don't understand the question." Olivia replied.

"Well you changed cabs had them dropping you off all over New York before you went to a car hire service and then you used your Mom's name and money to go to Long Beach and stay in a hotel in which you were paying by cash again under your Mother's name, why all the hiding?"

"I knew Don Cragen and Elliot Stabler would be on my tail as soon as they found I was missing." Olivia replied. "Even though I'd let them know I was safe, I even called John Munch and told him to stop looking for me and that they wouldn't find me."

"How did you find out that there was a warrant out for your arrest?"

"My lawyer knows me better than my unit." Olivia replied smugly. "She knew as soon as the car had been dropped off in Long Beach where I was."

"How?"

"That's attorney client privilege." Miranda replied before Olivia had a chance to.

"After seeing your attorney what did you decide to do?"

"I decided to hand myself over to SVU on the knowledge that I would be transferred straight over to Bellevue Psychiatric under the care of Rebecca Hendrix."

"As asked for by Detective Elliot Stabler and agreed by the Judge?"

"Yes." Olivia replied.

"So you took psych help to avoid prison?"

"No." Olivia replied firmly.

"Then why?"

"Because I knew that there was something wrong, the depression wasn't there but …" Olivia looked over to Miranda who nodded more for moral support.

"But?"

"It was worse." Olivia replied. "I felt like a prisoner in my own head."

"So you're claiming you're crazy, even though you've been a cop getting psych evals every year?" Tucker asked and Olivia shook her head.

"No. I have prenatal psychosis Lieutenant, the stress of pregnancy on my body and my brain on top of the stress of my job got too much, after Rory's … the baby's born and therapy I will be back to normal." Olivia replied sternly, she was not going to let him make out that she could never be a cop again.

"That's all the questions my client will answer now we'd like to get into arraignment this evening so that my client can return to Bellevue and continue treatment." Miranda said and the lieutenant stopped the tape.

"We'll see you in court."

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After arraignment Olivia was led into a room down in lock up to talk with George Huang. He gave her a reassuring smile when she walked in but having learnt that George was the one who recommended to Don that Elliot take her to court she wasn't going to be in anyway kind to him.

"How are you Olivia?" He asked as soon as she'd sat down and been uncuffed.

"I'm tired." She replied with a shrug. "Of all the drama."

"You think that's what this is? Drama?" He asked her.

"No." She replied honestly. "Not in the way you're thinking."

"How do you know what I'm thinking?" He asked her and she shook her head and rolled her eyes, he never came up with any new lines.

"You know, I know I'm sick George and I understand now a little more what's going on in my own head but the rest of this… it's making me worse… it's why I went away I needed to try and escape from everyone that made me feel worse, no one was helping George, not you not Elliot and not Don Cragen and I knew if I didn't get away I'd get worse and worse and it was scaring me that I wasn't getting any better." Olivia replied.

"It scared you?" George asked and Olivia nodded slowly.

"I was terrified." Olivia whispered. "I just wanted to get away from what felt like the cause."

"Do you still believe it to be the cause now?" George asked.

"Yes!" She replied angrily. "No… I don't know George because those two days I was gone I felt more free than I have done since the day I found out I was pregnant, you know I went shopping and bought some nice little one pieces for the baby and I really enjoyed myself, I didn't feel like I had to constantly look over my shoulder in the fear of being judged." Olivia explained with a frown implanted on her brow.

George was scribbling away as she spoke but she didn't care, she just hoped whatever his result was that it would go in her favour.

"While you were away Olivia, what were you thinking about those back here?" He asked her and she shrugged as she thought.

"I thought…" Olivia began but then cut herself off for a moment as she rethought her words. "I thought that maybe, given time, that you'd all learn to trust me again."

"You think none of us trusted you?" He asked.

"I _know_ none of you trusted me, I wasn't even allowed to go for a bath without Don removing his razor from the bathroom, I couldn't go for a piss without telling someone where I was going and it was making me worse… I was forgetting what it was like to just be _me_." Olivia explained desperately and George continued to scribble in his notebook.

"What were your plans when you left for Long Beach?" George asked.

"To just be allowed to be me again, or at least try I mean I knew that in my head I wasn't right but I've always had that independence that freedom to do what I want when I want and I wanted to remember what that was like. I walked on the beach without my shoes and just thought of the things I could do with the baby when he was a little bit older such as vacations, and teaching him languages." Olivia explained. "While I was out there George I realised that given half the chance I'm going to be a good Mom to my boy."

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**Next chapter – Does Olivia get better or worse?**


	27. Chapter 27

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: On with the show... **

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After arriving back in Bellevue Olivia had to endure another sit down with Rebecca Hendrix and she was maintaining a determined silence.

"Olivia you have to talk." Rebecca said, twenty minutes had passed and Olivia hadn't even looked at the shrink.

Her mind was a mess. It felt like a Rubik's cube and it didn't matter how much she turned the pieces she couldn't get the colours to match up. She felt angry, sad and confused and the scariest thing was she had been hearing someone else telling her to be quiet, that talking was dangerous and could make them take away her baby.

"Please Olivia? If you don't talk I can't help you." Rebecca pushed.

Olivia shook her head and closed her eyes tight, she knew that Rebecca was someone trying to help her but the voice she was hearing told her that anything she told Rebecca would help someone take her baby from her.

"You won't get my baby." She whispered.

"What?" Rebecca asked in shock.

"You won't get my baby." She said a little stronger.

"I don't want your baby Olivia." Rebecca replied. "I'm trying to help you keep your baby."

Olivia shook her head and squeezed her eyes tightly shut as the voice screamed at her for talking.

"I want it to stop." Olivia spat through gritted teeth.

"Want what to stop?" Rebecca asked as she began to realise what was going on.

"All of it, I want to go home I want the voice to go away…"

"You're hearing voices?" Rebecca asked but Olivia shook her head.

"One. One voice." Olivia replied.

"When did the voice start Olivia?" Rebecca asked.

"In court." She replied hurriedly. "And it won't stop, I want it to stop all of it I need it to stop." She mumbled and Rebecca nodded and hurried over to the locked cabinet behind her.

She unlocked it and found what she wanted before rushing back to Olivia with a needle and vile in her hand.

"Ok Olivia I'm going to stop the voices ok?" Rebecca said as she filled the vile.

"Ok." She whispered as tears spilt down her cheeks.

Rebecca quickly stabbed the needle into Olivia and all both of them could do was wait for it to take effect. It took fifteen minutes for Olivia to begin relaxing.

"Feeling better?" Rebecca asked.

"What is going on with me?" Olivia replied ignoring Rebecca's question.

"The psychosis is getting worse because of the additional stress, auditory hallucinations are a part of it."

"I can't do this anymore." Olivia whispered.

"I know it tough…"

"No…" She shook her head and closed her eyes softly. "I mean the pregnancy… I can't take another twenty weeks of this…"

"Olivia?"

"I want a termination." She said looking up at Rebecca.

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Elliot, George and Munch ran into hospital. When Rebecca called them saying Olivia wanted a termination they knew they had to talk to her before she went through with it as Rebecca couldn't stop Olivia from terminating her pregnancy it didn't matter about her state of mind she was in charge of her reproductive rights and no court would ever rule against a woman terminating her pregnancy.

Rebecca met them at the door and quickly let them into the ward and showed them into Olivia's bedroom. She was lying in bed with her eyes closed and her hands on her bump but she wasn't sleeping, she sensed people watching her but she didn't move to acknowledge them in anyway.

"Olivia?" Elliot asked walking further into the room. "Please Olivia talk to me?" He asked sitting down on the edge of the bed and running his hand through her hair while she relaxed into his touch.

"I can't do it El." She cried. "It's killing me."

"I know baby I know I'm so sorry." He whispered pulling her head into his lap.

"Please make it all stop." She cried. "I want it all to stop."

"Call Miranda." Elliot told Hendrix and she nodded and hurried off.

"I can't do it anymore El, I can't. I want to be a good Mom but I can't." She sobbed and her whole body shook.

Elliot looked at George and Munch with tears in his eyes, he knew now that this wasn't what was best for her, being in the hospital with crazy people was making her worse especially with the impending court case.

"Olivia you need to tell us what's going on in your mind, just talk and tell us everything and we won't interrupt." George said walking towards the bed.

Olivia pushed herself up to sitting and sat back into Elliot's chest pulling his hands around her stomach wanting him to hold her.

"It started when I found out I was pregnant, I was scared, terrified and I kept thinking that I was going to be on my own and fuck up just like my Mom did except that my Mom was raped, I wasn't. Then it came out and I started to warm up to the idea but then after being with Elliot that night and talking with him about the future I got so scared and I ran a bath took just two sleeping pills knowing they would have kicked in by the time I was done and then I got in the bath and … I just felt like it had to end … all of it I needed it to end and I grabbed the razor and I was crying and … I don't know why I did it, I didn't want to hurt Rory…

Then I was in the hospital and I felt so overwhelmed, I just wanted to be alone but no one would leave me alone … I was so angry and so sad and I just kept thinking I wanted to be alone to be … to be free…

At the cabin I just felt like I was going through the motions you know? Waking up, eating, sleeping, I didn't feel like I was living at all just going through the motions and not living, there were a few moments like … kissing Elliot in the rain and talking about baby names and swimming in the lake that I did feel free and normal but most of the time I didn't and then …

Then it was when we got back and I was in my apartment and I wasn't even able to go for a piss without telling someone why I was doing something. I felt like a prisoner, I felt so trapped and I needed to get away because it didn't matter how much I screamed and screamed no one was paying any attention.

And for my troubles, I end up here, worse than I was when all this started not better. I just want to go home and sleep in my own bed be surround by own things and wear my own clothes, I'm not asking for much, just freedom."

Everyone was silent for a minute processing what Olivia had just told them.

"We're going to try and get you out of here Liv." Elliot said as he stroked her stomach.

"I can't do it El." She said sobbing.

"I know baby I know." He whispered. "I'm so sorry this is all my fault."

"No…" She whispered through her tears unaware that George had slipped out leaving only Munch and Elliot there with her. "I'm sorry El, I'm so sorry."

"Don't baby please don't we're going to help you please don't be sorry none of this is your fault." He whispered.

"Just hold me El." She said and he wrapped his arms around her tighter and kissed her neck as much as he could and she rubbed her cheek into his needing to feel the connection.

She turned to look at him and he kissed her and she didn't stop him kissing him back hard.

When they broke apart they pressed their foreheads together as they both cried. Both of them hurting internally and needing the release.

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When Miranda arrived she met George and Rebecca in the office.

"What's going on?" Miranda asked.

"Olivia's getting worse." George replied and Miranda's face dropped.

"How bad?" Miranda pushed.

"At the moment she's not even competent to stand trial." George replied.

"Shit." Miranda sighed knocking the side of her fist into the wall beside her.

"The stress of the trial is making her illness worse." Rebecca explained further. "She started hearing voices."

"So what do we do?" Miranda asked.

"We need to get her out of here." George explained and Rebecca nodded in agreement.

"I thought here was the best place for her?" Miranda asked.

"No she wants to be in familiar surroundings, her own bed, she needs no stress but she still needs to be monitored which George has agreed to do and I'm going to help too, we have to focus now on what she wants." Rebecca explained.

"But she's ordered to be here by the courts it's not as easy as just signing her out." Miranda replied with a sigh, this was not how this was supposed to work.

"You need to go back to court and have her bailed or something because I don't think she's going to get any better." George replied.

"You both need to sign affidavit's stating to that fact I'll call Cabot." Miranda said whipping out her cell phone.

"We'll do that now, you need to try and get the DA to drop the charges Miranda this whole thing is making her worse."

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Alex Cabot arrived up at Bellevue and met Miranda, George and Rebecca.

"I've spoken with the DA and the judge, they want Olivia in court tonight and the two of you, hopefully the case will be dropped tonight." Alex said.

"Hopefully?" Miranda asked.

"Well Olivia's already been arraigned so it's complicated it isn't as simple as just dropping the charges, the DA agrees that we have no proof that Olivia caused or intended to cause any harm to her baby so you need to argue that the people do not meet the burden of proof and then I'm going to back you up." Alex explained and Miranda nodded.

"I'll get Olivia ready to go." Rebecca said hurrying off.

"George tell me how bad is she?" Alex asked desperately.

"She's bad Alex, prepartum psychosis is a nasty disease, hopefully if we can get her home tonight we can get her on the road to recovery but we have to trust her, that's her biggest problem that she feels like she isn't trusted. If we get her home and have someone stay with her at night but give her the freedom during the day then she might get one step closer to getting better." George replied and Alex nodded her understanding.

"Will we get her better before the baby is born?" Alex asked.

"I don't see why not, we need to limit stress but let her be herself, she hasn't be allowed to lately." George explained.

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Olivia stood beside Miranda in the court room still in the grey sweats from Bellevue, she didn't see the point changing. It was obvious to everyone the strain that was on Olivia, her eyes were deep and grey and she looked like she hadn't slept in days, her shoulders were slumped, like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

"Your Honour, the people have no evidence to prove that my client tried or intended to cause any harm to her unborn child since both Detective Stabler and Doctor Huang have withdrawn their statements. We asked that the charge is vacated and Detective Benson be released." Miranda replied.

"People?"

"The people have no objections Your Honour we have no new evidence we ask the charges be vacated with leave to represent." Alex replied.

"Detective Benson. It is obvious to everyone in the court that you have experienced a difficult pregnancy thus far, whether or not your intentions was to harm your child you scared enough people to think that you would, however the people do not meet their burden of proof and you are free to go with the courts apologies, however, I would like to hope that you will continue some form of treatment and that you get well soon."

"I will thank you Your Honour." Olivia said hoarsely.

"You're welcome. Case is adjourned."

As the gavel slammed down Olivia's knees almost went underneath her. Miranda helped hold her up and Olivia held onto her friend and lawyer tight.

"Thank you." Olivia whispered as tears flooded down her face.

"You're welcome." Miranda replied helping Olivia sit down in the closest chair. "Ok?"

"Yes." Olivia nodded rubbing her hands over her belly. "But I want to go back to Bellevue."

"Why?" Miranda asked. "You can go home now Liv."

"I know, but I want to get better." Olivia explained as George and Elliot came over to them.

"Do you want to go now?" Miranda asked.

"No I've barley eaten in two days I really want a MacDonald's." Olivia laughed and everyone smiled at hearing her laugh for the first time in a long time.

"MacDonald's on me. Then we'll call Hendrix and get you back in Bellevue." Miranda said and Olivia smiled and nodded.

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**Next chapter – Olivia adjusts to being on a psych ward (small jump in time!)**


	28. Chapter 28

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: On with the show... **

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Three weeks had passed since the day the charges had been vacated and Olivia was going from strength to strength at Bellevue. She was now sat in the lounge drawing in a sketch book with a pencil for 'art' therapy. Olivia was the first to admit she was no artist but she had actually found drawing therapeutic and Rebecca had enjoyed psychoanalysing Olivia's moods by what and how she'd drawn. Like a few days before she had been in a bad mood so she'd mainly drawn patterns with particular pressure added to the pencil to the point it broke four times which was obvious on the paper. Her twenty three days in Bellevue had been filled with various types of therapy consuming almost every hour of every day except meal times and 'free' time which wasn't very 'free' in Olivia's eyes but she was complying with everything hoping she'd be better soon, that was all she wanted.

After having lunch Olivia went to her favourite therapy session. Mindfulness based cognitive therapy was the professional term but Olivia preferred meditation and yoga. She walked over to the mat in the furthest corned and lay back with her legs at ninety degrees. Having been doing it every other day for two weeks she didn't listen to the instructor anymore, just to the sounds of the sea and rainforest that allowed her to drift from her own mind for the twenty minutes the session lasted for. The sound of the instructor's voice was miles away and Olivia felt as light as a feather.

Once the session was done Olivia was able to go for her nap. The pregnancy was taking its toll on her mind and body and she couldn't go without the afternoon nap which was two and a half hours and she preferred it after she'd had MBCT she was always far more relaxed.

When she was woken from her nap it was dinner time and she made the usual walk down to the dining hall for dinner. She ate in her usual spot with the company of Connor Forest who had been very open with Olivia and now that she knew what it was like to feel so out of control she could actually understand him when he talked to her and she'd even spoken with his victim when she visited and listened to her reasoning for coming to visit and so on.

After having dinner she made her way outside into the early September sun. She missed running around the city chasing perps where her Olivia skin darkened in the summer and her nose turned red in the winter. The truth was though she understood this wasn't forever, that when her son was born she'd able to walk him to Central Park or take him up to Long Beach without fear of repercussion. She also knew that she could sign herself out any day now that the charge against her had been dropped and a court wasn't compelling her to be there.

"Olivia you have a visitor." Maggie one of the orderlies called.

Olivia frowned. Elliot had promised to stay away until she contacted him and he had done, she had banned George and Don from visiting and then every Sunday Miranda would come, Wednesday was when Munch would visit and Fridays were when Alex, Casey or Melinda would come and it was Monday so she wasn't expecting any visitors that's why she had gone outside.

She followed Maggie through to the visiting room and saw Don Cragen sat at the furthest table and she stopped in her tracks.

"Problem?" Maggie asked seeing Olivia had frozen.

She thought about what Rebecca had been telling her about facing those she thought had wronged her, talking to those who hurt her and discussing calmly through her point of view and giving them a chance to give theirs.

"Olivia?" Maggie asked standing in front of her so she could no longer see Don's back.

"Yeah?" She asked blinking before looking at Maggie.

"You ok?" Maggie asked stroking Olivia's shoulder and Olivia took a deep breath and nodded.

"Do I have to speak with him?" Olivia asked nervously.

"Of course not Honey, you can turn around right now and go do what you want till group or you could face him and talk to him." Maggie replied gently and Olivia nodded weakly, she'd spoken a lot with Maggie with her being one of the older orderlies unlike some of the ones who were still practically teenagers.

"Ok." Olivia said weakly. "No harm right?" She sighed and Maggie stepped to the side to let Olivia pass.

She folded her arms across her chest and walked to the table. He watched her walked past him and then took a seat opposite him. Neither one spoke as she made herself comfortable with her growing twenty two week bump getting in the way.

"What do you want?" She asked in an accusing manner.

"To talk." He replied simply and Olivia's eyes glared into his.

"Then talk." She replied. "I have other things to be doing even in this place."

"Ok. I just want to say I'm sorry…"

"I don't want to hear an apology Captain." She interrupted firmly.

"Fine." Don said getting to his feet, he turned away but then turned back quickly and leant on the table. "I will say though Olivia I was just trying to do what was best, yes, I admit it that I went the wrong way about it but I would never ever cause you harm Olivia, you or your unborn child." He finished and went to walk past her but she grabbed his arm to stop him.

"I'm sorry." She whispered and he slowly turned to meet her eye. "I'm so sorry."

Her eyes filled with tears and Don knelt down in front of her holding her hand in his own.

"You have no reason to be sorry Olivia." He said and she looked up and shook her head trying to keep calm and push back her tears.

"I never wanted any of this to happen." She whispered hoarsely through un-cried sobs.

"Of course not Olivia. None of us think that you did, you couldn't help any of this." He said and she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck and he closed his eyes and held around her waist as she began to shake with sobs. "You're ok." He whispered as he stroked her back gently and she gripped him tight.

After she'd calmed down enough Don bought them both a soda from the machine and then sat down opposite her to talk, visiting time was two hours so they had enough time to actually do some real talking.

"So what's it like here?" Don asked as Olivia played with the straw in her can.

"It's alright." Olivia replied as she looked around the room. "I can understand why they're comfortable enough throwing criminals in a place like this though, lights out at ten pm the bedroom doors get locked and then they open at seven and there's a strict schedule it's breakfast followed by therapy, then more therapy followed by lunch followed by more therapy then I nap, then dinner then free time and visitors then bed."

"Sounds like you're busy." Don said and Olivia smiled and laughed softly.

"Yeah, it's a change from chasing perps and comforting victims." She replied with a shrug.

"I bet." Don replied. "So how are you?"

"I'm better." She replied. "I'm not … I'm not healed but I'm better." She explained and Don gave her a reassuring smile.

"Are you planning on seeing Elliot?" Don asked carefully.

"I don't know." Olivia replied honestly as she played with her can. "I…" She broke off and bowed her head.

"What is it Liv?" He asked softly taking her hand into his own.

"The evenings leave me with a lot of free time Don, the library here has been a comfort." Olivia said and Don tried not to look as confused as he felt. "I've spent hours trying to find out what happened to me and the more I read the more I learnt." Olivia explained slowly and all Don could do was be patient with her. "Rory could be born with all sorts of mental defects, bipolar, schizophrenia, they're just two of the many illnesses he could be born with because of what happened." Olivia said with teary eyes.

"But I bet there's a chance that your boy will be born with no complications from what happened." Don said and Olivia nodded.

"I'm so consumed with guilt." Olivia whispered. "And I'm so scared."

"I can't imagine what you're going through Olivia and I know that telling you that it isn't your fault isn't going to change how guilty you feel but I promise you that every single one of us are behind you and support you and don't blame you." Don said firmly.

Olivia nodded and bowed her head as she tried to breathe back her tears.

"Elliot's going to hate me if there's something wrong with our baby." She whispered.

"No he isn't." Don replied shaking his head firmly. "Olivia, he's so broken that he hasn't been allowed to see you, Liv, he's beaten more perps in the past three weeks than he did in your entire partnership. He misses you." Don said.

"Maybe." Olivia replied pulling her hand from Don's just as the bell rang to signal the end of visiting time.

"Can I come again?" Don asked as both of them stood up.

"I'd like you too, but I know you're busy especially being a cop down." Olivia replied and Don smiled.

"I'll be by on one of the nights you don't have any other visitors." Don said and Olivia nodded. "We've been keeping an eye from a distance, Miranda says what she can and Munch and the girls." Don explained and Olivia nodded her understanding. "Fin is also apologising and George."

"Tell Fin he can call by but George isn't welcome Don. Not yet anyway." Olivia replied and she leant him to hug him again.

"Take care Liv." He said as he held her.

"Thanks Dad." She replied before walking off leaving him to just smile.

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"So how are you doing Olivia?" Rebecca asked as she occupied her usual arm chair and Olivia curled up into the side of the couch.

"I'm ok." Olivia replied honestly, she couldn't say she was good but she wasn't bad either.

"Ok, Maggie mentioned that Don Cragen visited yesterday and that you actually talked." Rebecca replied and Olivia nodded softly. "How did it go?"

"Good." Olivia replied with a shrug.

"I'm ok and good? That's all you've got to say today Olivia?" Rebecca asked and Olivia shrugged, today she wasn't in the mood to talk. "Liv you know I need you to talk to me."

"I know." Olivia nodded. "I've just not got anything to say today."

"It's been three days since we last sat down and talked, you're telling me that in those three days you haven't thought 'Oh I should ask Rebecca about this' or 'I'll have to remember to tell this to Rebecca'."

"Not really." Olivia replied with a shrug.

"Not really isn't a no." Rebecca pointed out and Olivia sighed softly.

"I'm just so tired." Olivia replied.

"Maybe you could do with a scheduled morning nap?" Rebecca suggested and Olivia shrugged in reply. "Ok Olivia, what's going on with you? You've come leaps and bounds since you've been here then all of a sudden you're withdrawn, talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?" Olivia asked and it was Rebecca's turn to shrug.

"Tell me what you and Don talked about last night." Rebecca suggested.

"I just told him what it was like here, how I was doing." Olivia replied with an awkward shrug.

"Ok." Rebecca nodded. "Anything else?"

"We talked briefly about Elliot." Olivia sighed.

"Oh?" Rebecca said.

"Don just told me how he was doing that's all." Olivia replied. "Listen Bex I'm just feeling so emotionally drained from talking to him yesterday that I am not in the mood to sit here and go over it all again." She rubbed her hand over her forehead in her frustration.

"Ok." Rebecca nodded. "Olivia do you find yourself more tired when you've been discussing something more hard hitting?"

"I guess." Olivia shrugged. "I … I find that I feel drained more than tired." Olivia explained as best she could. "Like there's just no life in me."

"Ok." Rebecca nodded as she wrote in her notebook. "How often do you find yourself talking about something deep?"

"Other than with you, you mean?" Olivia asked with a slight smirk. "Every time someone visits but talking with Don was worse you know? I mean, when Munch comes around we talk briefly about how I am and then he'll make me laugh so it's never too bad. Then Miranda and I talk a bit about the possibility of Elliot and me fighting for custody, but it all depends on Elliot and the fact I'm scared he'll try and take Rory from me. Then when the girls visit they just want to talk about how I am and what I've been doing and I don't know it tires me. I think I'm bored of talking about me and how I am I wanna live again."

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The next morning at breakfast Olivia sat with Connor as usual. She was feeling a little better especially as it was Wednesday and that meant Munch would be visiting, he always put her in a good mood.

"So you planning on getting out of here any time soon?" Connor asked as Olivia played with her decaff coffee.

"I don't know yet." Olivia shrugged, Connor knew that the court had vacated the charges and that she no longer had to be in the hospital.

"Ok." Connor replied sensing Olivia didn't want to talk about it. "I get out in two weeks."

"That's great Connor, I hope when you get out there you'll stay on your meds and continue therapy." Olivia smiled and he nodded proudly.

"I've already found a job and so that's something I guess, I'm going to live with my Mom for a little while, just till I get on my feet." He said and Olivia nodded in reply. "I mean it's going to be really different having been here for so long and then all of a sudden be out there again."

"I bet, listen Connor it's going to be overwhelming at first but please don't come off your meds, you know on them you're such a great guy, nothing like what you were when I first met you." Olivia told him and he nodded in agreement.

"I was a rapist back then Olivia, I was evil and I never want to be like that again, I hurt people and I am not proud of it." He said and Olivia gave him a reassuring smile. "I don't think I could live if I ever did something like that to anyone again. I mean Jessica has been great an all, coming to visit me and staying in touch with me, she didn't have to I took something from her that I had no right in taking and she's been so kind to me."

"She's a very understanding woman Connor, you're very lucky to have met someone so great." Olivia replied, she had failed to understand Jessica being able to visit her rapist in the hospital twice a week but she wouldn't question it just let the two of them do whatever they thought best.

"Yeah she's great." Connor replied with a blush on his cheek, the truth was he'd fallen for Jessica even though he was still consumed by guilt of what he had done to her in his un-medicated rage.

After breakfast Olivia and Connor made their way down to the courtyard for exercise therapy, she was too heavily pregnant to play basketball with everyone but she enjoyed sitting on the bench with Rebecca and watching what was going on.

"You ok?" Rebecca asked as Olivia sat down.

"Yeah." Olivia smiled as she watched the game begin.

"Good." Rebecca replied before turning her own attention to the game.

After being outside it was time for art therapy and Olivia made her way indoors once again. She missed being outside as soon as she was indoors but she didn't have a choice as she was a patient by choice and she had to comply.

She sat down with the notebook but rather than putting pencil to the paper she looked around the room at the other patients. This wasn't the only psych ward in Bellevue. This ward, compared to many of the others, was quite calm. One woman, whose name was Lorna, had bipolar disorder and she was one of the most normal, kind, caring people Olivia had ever met. Another woman, Keighley, was there after having a breakdown after she had lost her husband and again she had a kind and gentle nature and Olivia couldn't understand why they were there but in saying that the same probably applied to her from them.

"Olivia are you ok?" Maggie asked taking the space beside her on the couch.

"Yeah why?" Olivia asked knowing that the orderly normally went round talking to people about their 'art' work.

"You were staring." She replied. "Into nothing."

"I was just thinking." Olivia replied a shrug as she dropped the pencil onto the notebook and sighed softly.

"What about Sweetie?" She asked gently and Olivia shrugged.

"I don't know…"

"Well no one else knows if you don't." Maggie said softly which made Olivia smile.

"I was just thinking, you know, there are what nine of us on this ward and from what I've made of them all they're not crazy." Olivia explained. "I mean, I'm here because I was going crazy…"

"You're not or you were not going crazy Olivia." Maggie said softly.

"You know what I mean." Olivia said with a roll of her eyes. "It's just… everyone in here to me seems like they could live normally out there."

"You included?" Maggie asked and Olivia just shrugged in reply.

"My problem is Maggie … I'm…" Olivia thought if telling Maggie was the right thing because she knew she'd carry it back to Rebecca. "Truth is my problem is I'm scared Maggie."

"What are you scared of?" Maggie asked gently.

"Facing everything that happened out there." Olivia replied with a sigh. "Facing Elliot and George … I mean it was Don too but now having seen him now and spoken to him… I understand why they did what they did Maggie, they never wanted it to go as far as it did and I get that, they let their fear rule their actions and I'm scared that I'll do the same."

"What do you mean?" Maggie asked.

"I'm scared I'll let my fear control my actions and when I'm scared… I'm irrational and I think here I'm safe, I'm … I'm closed off you know? Just… I don't know I just know I'm scared." Olivia replied shakily.

"I'm going to give you a piece of advice Olivia, talk to them, when John visits tonight why don't you tell him to let Elliot visit?" Maggie suggested before getting up and walking away leaving Olivia to think through what she had said.

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Olivia smiled when she saw John and Fin sat down around the table that evening. She walked over and tapped John on the back and he stood up and hugged her tight.

"Hey Liv." John said as he squeezed her gently.

"Hi John." She replied as she returned the squeeze holding the embrace a little longer than normal.

When he let go of her Fin shuffled from one foot to the other awkwardly.

"Hey Fin." She said giving him a sheepish smile when he looked at her.

"Hey baby girl." He smiled back before pulling her into a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry Liv." He whispered.

"I don't blame you Fin, please don't apologise." She said into his jacket as she continued to hug him.

"Ok." He replied dropping a chaste kiss onto her head before she pulled away.

"So what have you bought me this week?" Olivia asked Munch and he grinned widely and pulled out a brown bag and a box.

Every time he visited he bought himself and her cake or fruit and drink for them to have this week he'd bought himself, Fin and Olivia cream cake and soda for them to enjoy while they talked.

"So Olivia how have you been?" Fin asked as she dug into her cake.

"Good." She replied wiping cream from the side of her mouth. "Better anyway." She shrugged.

"We heard you had a visit from Don yesterday." Munch commented and Olivia nodded.

"Yeah, we talked." Olivia replied with a smile.

"Good." Munch nodded.

"I was actually going to ask you if you'd tell Huang to call by, I'm sure he could swing by a day time visit and uh get me out of art therapy tomorrow?" Olivia teased towards the end making the men laugh.

"I'm sure he'll pull some strings, just flash his ID badge even though it hasn't been working for Stabler." Fin said making Olivia stop and stare. "Shit."

"What's Elliot been doing?" Olivia asked slowly.

"He's been coming round every day just to find out if you're ok but everyone refuses to say anything to him so he's gotta rely on what we carry back to him and he thinks we'd say you were fine even if you weren't." Munch explained and Olivia laughed softly, that was typical Elliot.

"So you're doing alright?" Munch asked and Olivia nodded and smiled.

"You know I'm much better than I was and I've learnt to take each day at a time because some days are better than others but I'm ok, I don't know if I'm going to leave before Rory is born but I don't know if I want to, I mean even if I'm still here after Rory's born he can be on the ward up to six weeks which is plenty of time to get my head together with him but then I want to be at home, sitting in the rocking chair just … mentally preparing to be a Mom." Olivia explained. "All I can say is we'll see."

"You're doing the right thing Liv." Munch smiled just as the bell rang. "Ugh that means it's time to go." He sighed getting to his feet.

"Remember to tell George to call by." Olivia said as she hugged John tight.

"I will do, first thing I'll do when I get out of here." Munch smiled.

"And you come by again." Olivia smiled as she held onto Fin.

"Of course." Fin smiled. "Seeing as this lump comes on Wednesday's how about I do Tuesdays?" He suggested and she nodded and smiled.

"Bye you guys." She said before hurrying off, she hated saying goodbye and preferred to do it quickly.

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**Next chapter – Olivia comes face to face with Huang. **


	29. Chapter 29

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: On with the show... **

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Once again Olivia was sat at breakfast with Connor when Rebecca came over to the table.

"Morning." She smiled to the two most unlikely friends.

"Morning." They both mumbled unsure what she was doing coming over to them, she was never around during meal times.

"Olivia when you're done you have a visitor." Rebecca explained.

"Wow he wasted no time." Olivia laughed softly.

"Visitor during the day?" Connor questioned.

"George Huang." Olivia said. "He was the shrink who told Elliot to go to court to get me to come back from Long Beach." She explained further.

"Oh." Connor replied, he knew Olivia had cut off contact with many people from her life while she was there and she had told him about the shrink who had evaluated him when he'd been caught after raping women.

"Yeah, I should go and see him." Olivia got to her feet and took her plate away before hurrying off with Rebecca.

"You can use my office." Rebecca explained as they passed the visiting room.

"Ok." Olivia replied.

"Just stay calm ok Liv?" Rebecca said softly.

"I'll try." Olivia replied. "I can't promise you any more than that."

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Olivia gave Rebecca a calm nod as she opened the door and Rebecca walked off to go and finish sorting the meds leaving the two to talk.

Once inside Olivia avoided eye contact and took the couch grabbing pillows to prop up her bump like she did with Rebecca before saying anything.

"Thank you for coming." She said sheepishly.

"I've been waiting to come Liv." George said and Olivia nodded.

"You hurt me George, it was going to take time before I could get my head around it all enough to talk to you." Olivia explained and George nodded softly, he knew that.

"Can I explain myself to you?" He asked and Olivia sighed and nodded. "Ok, when I told Elliot to go to court I didn't think they'd put an arrest warrant out on you, if I did I would never have and I mean never have recommended him to. I only did it because I was scared Olivia, I'm a shrink who has witnessed what people can do in psychosis and I couldn't get … couldn't get the image of you in four point restraints out of my head. I am sorry, really sorry for the pain and anguish that I caused you by telling Elliot to go to court."

Olivia smiled softly, he'd obviously been rehearsing that speech for a while and she thought it was sweet that he was so nervous to say it to her.

"I'm sorry too George." She said and he snapped his head up to meet her unsure what it was she was apologising for. "I guess… with everything, my head hasn't been in the right place and I blamed you for my own problems and behaviour and I shouldn't have done that but it was easier blaming you and Don and Fin than it was accepting that the fault was my own."

For a moment the two were silent, processing what the other had said.

"So how are you?" George asked and Olivia smiled. "What?" He asked.

"Always the shrink!" She teased.

"Hey I won't shrink you, I'll leave that to Rebecca, the last thing you need is me trying to analyse you but I do genuinely want to know how you are." George replied with a smile.

"I'm doing well George, I'm much better than when I came here." Olivia replied with her own smile. "I'm not there yet but I will be, I'm slowly getting there."

"That's great Liv, and you look great too." He said as she stroked her bump subconsciously.

"Thanks, the only thing I think I need to do now is face Elliot, but I'm not ready yet, maybe in a week or two and I know it's unfair on him but… but I need to wait just a little longer." Olivia explained.

"I think he's going to be just happy that you're considering seeing him again Olivia, he's been so broken but he also understands and he no longer blames you." George reassured her.

"I guess I'm just scared George, it's similar to the fear I have about leaving this place, I know I'm nearly there, nearly ready to go back out into the real world and live my life but … but I'm terrified." Olivia shrugged.

"When people commit themselves or are ordered to by a court, leaving is always hard, that's why so many people reoffend when they leave prison, they can't cope with the outside world but you Olivia, have so many loved ones to care for you when you leave here, many who want to help and support you." George reassured and Olivia smiled at him, he was right, in that area she had nothing to worry about.

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**Next chapter – Olivia allows Elliot to visit. **


	30. Chapter 30

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.**

**A/N: On with the show... **

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After dinner nearly three weeks since Olivia had spoken with George Huang Olivia was outside in the courtyard nervously pacing. Maggie just sat and watched her with Rebecca both of them wondering what was going through the Detective's mind.

Olivia would pace back and forth for a few minutes, stop, look up, mutter something to herself and then begin to pace again and Rebecca would have been lying if she said it didn't cause her some concern.

Of course Rebecca and Maggie knew that tonight was the night Elliot would visit. Tonight would be the night Olivia had been both most nervous and most excited for since she voluntarily committed herself to Bellevue psychiatric and they both knew if all went well tonight then Olivia wouldn't be there with them much longer however should things go badly then she would probably regress and things could be much worse for her.

A part of Rebecca wanted to call Elliot Stabler and prep him before he spoke to Olivia, tell him what she could about Olivia's treatment and explain some of the things he could say or do that would make her regress but she couldn't do that and so she had to hope that whatever it was Elliot had to say that he would be the one to finally make her feel whole again, the one who placed the final puzzle piece in place for her.

Maggie who had begun to mother Olivia since she'd been a patient was worried sick. She was just an orderly so she knew very little about Olivia's mental health but what she did know was that Olivia was scared about seeing Elliot again and was scared that things wouldn't go her way. Maggie would have been more than happy to admit that she was scared too, scared for Olivia.

Olivia was so busy pacing that she didn't see another orderly whisper something in Maggie's ear and Maggie repeating it to Rebecca, all she heard was her name called.

"Olivia." Maggie said reaching out a hand. "He's here."

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"Promise you'll stay with me?" Olivia asked Maggie as she clutched tight to her hand and walked towards the visiting room.

"Until you say otherwise I'll be right by your side Liv." She smiled giving the Detective's hand a gentle squeeze.

Unluckily for Olivia Elliot was sat facing the way she just entered. Her breath caught and she stopped walking as she saw him. His head was slightly bowed and he was looking down at the table. Other than looking down in the dumps he was just Elliot Stabler, her partner, best friend and the father of her unborn son.

"Ok?" Maggie asked and that was when Elliot lifted his head and saw her.

A grin spread across his face and he stood up. Olivia's heart hammered in his chest and tears filled her eyes. She let go of Maggie's hand and hurried over to him. He captured her in his arms in a strong embrace and he too cried as he kissed her neck and hold her as close as he could considering the twenty seven week bump that was in the way.

"I've missed you." Olivia cried into his ear.

"God I've missed you too." Elliot cried. "So fucking much."

"Don't let go." Olivia pleaded.

"Not for anything." He promised.

Maggie who was quickly joined by Rebecca watched the scene from a distance. They couldn't see Olivia's face. Only a little of Elliot's which was obviously tear ridden as he plastered Olivia with loving kisses and held as tight as he could to her. It was obvious to both of them that Olivia was holding on for dear life too and all the fear that she'd confessed to having about being scared she wouldn't feel the same for him when she saw him or that he wouldn't feel the same for her were gone.

"I love you." Olivia hiccupped.

"I love you too Liv." He told her softly. "I love you and our boy and I miss you and I need you."

Olivia just cried harder. To know that she had caused Elliot so much pain by her absence hurt even though she knew he understood it had been for the best.

"I'm so sorry." He told her briefly pulling away from her so he could hold her face in his hands and look into her chocolate eyes. "I'm so fucking sorry for everything Liv."

"It's not your fault." She cried as she looked into the sparkling blue eyes that she'd missed more than anything else since she'd placed herself in Bellevue.

Olivia quickly pulled him into her and brushed her lips just lightly over his to see how he would react. When he didn't pull away and kissed her back just as desperately she held onto him tighter needing the physical contact and the emotional contact that he gave her.

"Something tells me she'll be ok." Maggie told Rebecca who nodded softly.

"She'll be just fine."

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**Next chapter – Olivia's finally ready to go home. **


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